How does someone with staqe 4 cancer find The One?

It is with great joy to answer this question. I was that man for my partner. In 2002, I read an article in a local alternative newspaper had an article about a UCLA phyicist who recorded the sounds that cells made. Thought this was the coolest thing in the world and right up my yoga alley. I contacted him and said that though I did not have a venue or audience for him yet I wanted to sponsor an event with him. He said was down with that and to contact him when I was ready 3 years later I began working the Hollywood Farmer's Market. The first day I was there I saw this woman walking along the street like she owned it and wearing this fabulous hat. I acknowledged it and her immediately. She responded back just as fast. We got to know each other as she was an incredible chef and every now and then would buy the milk I was selling. It also turns out that she was a successful realtor, horse woman, welder, forest ranger, galley cook and more. I would see her off and on at the market over the next four years. Later she told me that at least 3 times she left her business card on the table for me. I am a bonehead when it comes to a woman's hint and didn't pick up on it. 4 years later. It is now October, 2009. Renee stops by the stand and we begin to chat. This time in length. I had heard and seen some of the TED talks. She told me that she had a community version of that called TEDx. I was intrigued and asked her to tell me more. She explained that she had just had a talk at her house and was interested in doing another one. This was was entitled "Music + Physics = Good Vibrations" "I have the music but I don't have the physics" "Well guess what, Renee. I do. Let me contact Jim and see if I can get him on board" I did. He said yes. Renee then asked me if I would help her produce the event. I agreed. I would go over to her house to work. We never got anything done except talk with each other. The event was coming together so quickly that we really didn't have to worry about it. So we would talk and enjoy each others company and presence. At one point she mentioned that she had been diagnosed with Merkel Cel Carcinoma early in the year.cancer early in the year and felt positive that it was in remission. Renee wanted to take me to see what a TEDx event was like on December 9. My birthday is December 10. I decided that year I decided I wanted to have a week long non-static Universe birthday party. Wherever you would find me that was where the party would take place. Along with the invitations I sent out a list of what I wanted for gifts: 501 Levis, gift certificates to restaurants etc. I also said, "Sloppy wet kisses and lipstick stains on my collar" I went with Renee to the TEDx event that December 9. Afterwards as we stood by the door of my car, she pulled me into her, said "here is your gift" and planted a kiss right on my lips. The TEDx event was going to be January 23. Renee told me later that that night she made a vow that we would not do anything until after the event. 4 days later we were in bed. That week she went in for her tests. On December 24, she told me that her cancer had metasticized. For a moment I really didn't know what to do. The length of life for someone who has Merkel Cel is three years. Because it is a rare cancer there has been little research done on it and hardly any treatment. I did have the option of backing out then and there with no hard feeling. I also was aware of how quickly this relationship came together, how wonderful it was to be this lovely woman and because of that it would be crazy to step out. I had been with a woman who had breast cancer and learned a great deal from it. At the moment I made the decision to stay, I took 3 vows... 1) To take everything day to day. 2) To stay out of her way 3) To hold her every night as I felt that this was where true healing came from. I have had spontaneous healing events in the past where I would wake in the middle of the night and find my hands on partner literally running energy into her body. I struggled with that for many years as I could not come to terms with death. If I do healing work on someone and they die, does that mean failure? The only thing that was clear to me was that if there was a Jesus, he did not heal by technique. He just touched. Renee began her treatment in January, 2010. The Music/Vibrations event was a success. I held her every night. We had sex every night. We spooned all night long. ALL NIGHT LONG! :) I would spoon her. Then when I would turn she would spoon me. By early February, she found out that the chemo wasn't working and decided to go an alternative route. She said she wanted to meet my friends. She asked me if I wanted money or her house. I didn't want to hear that. At another point she asked if I would be willing to marry her. It was too much for me to think of. One night I woke to go to the bathroom. I looked at her and the answer to my healing question arrived. We are healing whether we are living or dying. We are expanding whether we are living or dying. At that moment I felt that this is what Jesus was all about. And why he got crucified. Around this time I received an e-mail from a close friend of her's. He said Renee was a woman who had everything. But she didn't have a man. The fact that you came into her life the time that you did is a miracle :) She told me she wanted to be help in her arms when she left and that she wanted her body washed afterwards. On taking a trip to Mexico for treatment I found her having a seizure as she was driving. We went to the ER where she had a catscan done. It turns out their were tumors in her brain. The doc said she should begin thinking of quality of life. On getting back to LA other doctors convinced her that she should go back on treatment. While doing so, she also began wrapping up her estate with the help of very close friends. By now I was fed up with the doctors. I vowed that I would also walk into her room full of light and hold her everytime. I would climb into bed, sit behind her, lean her body into mine and cradle her with her arms. Her doctor didn't know what to think of this. She went home and continued her treatments. She had up to then only met 2 friends of mine. I was with her around the clock. Someone asked me how can you do all this. For me it was second nature "This is what you do for someone you love" I rewrote "Hail Mary" and whispered it into her ear as she slept. It was the first time in my life that I really felt like a man. Someone asked me what time I thought I was at my best. That was it. The core group around her were also incredible. Everyone played to their strengths and while all of us were struggling with our emotions are actions and response to need were pretty seamless. Hospice came in Sunday evening. By Wednesday she had gone to sleep. Thursday, Friday and Saturday she went to the threshold. The core group was there throughout. I would continue to whisper Mary' prayer in her ears and telling her it was ok to go. Renee left her body on Sunday, May 16, 2010. We were together for 5 months. We carried her out to her beautiful back yard and lay her on the table. I led a ceremony in the Native American tradition. We undressed her, bathed her, dressed her, covered her with flower petals and left her wearing one of her favorite hats. I have 2 close friends that Renee never met and the friends had no idea of what she looked like. Renee visited them in their dream. She made her presence felt to the first girlfriend I had after passing. One time for almost an hour. She would french kiss me a lot in the first year after she left, and sporadically since then. She appears in my dreams and every now and then I feel myself reach out to her. It is all lovely though my friend was pretty spooked by the long visit. She left me her estate. Because of that I was able to take time off to figure out what I wanted to do. Our TEDx group is still going. And I am now in the process of starting a men's fashion line with a portion of the proceeds going to funding Merkel Cel research. What I learned from Renee was that a home is important. That you should live where you are. That's a little different than living in the moment. It more like living with your gifts as they are given to you and as you receive them This was a movie. A beautiful love story. I had a life before her. And I now I have this beautiful life after her. I can't tell you how pleased I am to share this with you. To let you know that you are not alone. And that a lovely, vibrant, beautiful woman's dream came true. I leave you with a poem I wrote for today. xoxox - Maurice and Renee Good Friend’s Balm For a Lonely Heart It’s the day of the heart I see yours does look broken It could be a lot worse If you lived in Hoboken Today’s sun does shine fair And the pixies are wild Pagan spirits abound So be sweetly beguiled You can dance. You can sing. Recite poetry too. You can laugh and be hearty. And drink the witches brew “Witches brew?” You do say. “This is Halloween not. You’ve gone such off the track Soon we’ll be in a spot.” “Many witches abound Not from Halloween. BOO! They’re for birthdays and Christmas And Valen’tine’s Day too”. “So breathe deep, my Dear Heart . Do relax. Do enjoy. Smile to a good many. Whether girl or whether boy!” “And if heart lonely be Oh, please do have your feeling. In many ways are you loved And with that comes joy healing And then when your heart’s full Spirit pixie are you Sprinkle dust here and there. Your heart soon will be true. So good deed has been done. Full Heart’s found a Good Friend As they big hug each other Do say “Yes” and “Amen!”

Oh, you can absolutely meet someone. One of my absolute best friends met his first wife while we were still in school. She had cystic fibrosis and they both knew that she'd have a very limited lifetime. They had four years together before she passed - four good years, where they got married, bought a house, and they had a beautiful love together during that time. After a few years of mourning, he honored her wishes and began dating again. His now-second wife knew his first wife, very well actually, and they honored First Wife's memory at their wedding. Now Wife is very open about how much she misses First Wife as a friend, and doesn't begrudge for a moment the life he had with First Wife, or the fact that if First Wife was still here that Now Wife would be with someone else. I hope that second paragraph came across ok. What I'm trying to say is, there are definitely people out there who can and will love even in the face of an uncertain future. And that sometimes love works in these really beautiful ways and no one really knows how their story will end until they get there.

Good morning! I feel you, big time, and here's my internet hugz ((u)). I am gonna buck the tide a bit, from my bc vantage point. I was first dx'd at your age, local, and have had local recurrence 4x (!) until unlucky #5. I'm 58 years old, single, date-able with interest coming my way, grown kids, have had men in my life for most of my life but made a conscious decision to be alone for one year to write a book (and did, yay, in the second draft) and of course at the end of that lovely single year: stage IV, mets to my poor bones. May I gently suggest you examine the phrase "terminal diagnosis"? Every life has an end, you are just fortunate enough (I mean that) to be able to latch on to the way you think yours will go, and you now know the landscape of the disease and treatment. So the terror some people have about death, you really kind of don't have. You get it. You are there. And by the way, you might get flattened by a bus tomorrow, or have a heart attack. Right? Cancer is not an innoculation against dying some other way. So forget the terminal disease thing. Here is your number one ace in the hole: You are on the dark side, and you will find your light and live your life -- and unsick people don't really believe that is possible. You really really will! You will be more in the moment than anyone you know. You will not sweat the small stuff. All the cliches, all the Buddhist behaviors you wish you could project in every situation will become available to you. That's also the downside when it comes to dating. In my experience, most men -- not all, ok, fine, needle/haystack -- immediately throw you up on the pedestal. You have a Fatal Disease. You are Inspirational. You are a Superhero. Me, I HATE ALL THAT as it sounds very unsexy to me! I'm still me, doing me as best I can with a crappy feature (not a bug). Also, sorry men, but the men I tell my dx to (not on dates!) are slightly squeamish about breast cancer (unless they've had it in their family), they react differently than women. They get the Sad Eyes/Bewildered Face, and that is another hard thing to overcome, for me. I immediately want to make THEM feel better, and then it becomes a Topic. So, the point is, if you can meet under circumstances that are absolutely removed from bc and you can keep your dx to yourself (hard when you have no hair, I know) until you suss out the situation -- basically, is this guy gonna genuflect when he hears I have a chronic disease (which, by the way, is very very serious but honestly, not as dramatic as those on the outside make it out to be, right?) or is he more of a life-sucks-but-love-can-save-the-day kind of guy, with maybe his own life experience that he draws on? That gives him insight past your disease. Sure, they must be out there, but wow, hard to find. Hard to find. I would caution you on a couple of fronts: you don't need to meet a man with cancer, that sounds like No Fun to me, and you need to be a heat-seeking missile for FUN. Who wants to have this effing disease central to their existence? You want to get your treatment and get back to your life. I would not want to go home to more sickness. Next, don't pour it all out immediately when you meet someone, even though that is your impulse, even though that seems Fair and Honest. You are entitled to your private medical condition, you have no obligation to share with a stranger, and you should only share with someone with whom you feel comfortable and safe. This is your life, but more importantly, this is YOUR DAY. Today. You only owe the truth to people who already love you!! Cultivate your interests, your family, your friends. Go date online when you feel like YOU, not like YOU STAGE IV. You will get there, for sure. I love you already, so memail me! Come to NYC, I will be your wing man, we can freak them out together. We will toast like dames to stupid Stage IV. We are still women and we still will have sex, and go to work and dance and turn the music up loud etc etc). My final little word: I'm getting a tattoo: WWWWD? What Would Walter White Do? 'Cause he accomplished a helluvalot in Stage IV.

I think it is possible for you to find a solid, good man to share your life with. If I had advice I would certainly give it to you. I'm just replying to show you my support. Positive vibes/good wishes are going your way.

goalyeehah I wish I could favorite your post a thousand times.

Just saying that, as a male, this news would give me pause, but it wouldn't be a deal-breaker by any stretch if all other lights were green. I've seen enough friends die young to know that absolutely none of us have any idea how much time we have anyway.

Male here: I wouldn't run screaming. Different people have different fears about illness. Some are quite uncomfortable to be around it, some are inclined to a caretaking role, some follow your lead on when to care and when to ignore it. Men come in all sorts; I'm currently dating a woman with a major chronic disease, and I seem to react to it by caretaking. I'd recommend you be upfront about it though, since it's a big part of your life and you'll want to weed out the uncomfortable ones early.

Tell that voice to pipe down. Seriously. ;-). You sound wonderful. Message me privately if you want support. I'm no expert in your life and struggle but I've done a lot of dating and would happy to cheer you on. Best of luck, sweetie.

I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in October at age 44. I'm so sorry. Metastatic bc has a less desirable prognosis, but it is by no means certain. But you do pose an interesting question: how the hell do you meet someone who can also understand what you are going through? I don't know, but I think you need to limit the scope of your efforts. Maybe you shouldn't look at general sites like okcupid... Is there any way for you to involved in a community (emotional support, fundraising, event planning, non-profits), which would allow you to come in contact with: 1. People you do not know yet. 2. People who understand what you would be going through. 3. People who are social and friendly. Good luck, I'm rooting for you.