How do I develop self-confidence and embrace risk-taking, generally?

Something only feels risky when you feel like you have something to lose. When you're really depressed, you feel like you have nothing to lose because you're already at bottom. You feel bad, anxious, lonely, whatever before. After you get rejected, you're still feeling bad, anxious and lonely. There's really no functional difference whatsoever. The problem right now is that you actually do care. You've just started feeling better, so of course you're afraid to mess anything up. You have achieved something- a fragile balance of mental health- and you're terrified you'll lose it. Well, you lost it before and you crawled your way back out of it, didn't you? Don't let that dark place have power over you. You got out of it before, and it's very likely you can do it again. Trust your ability to cope and power through. Really give yourself credit for the toughness you've displayed so far. A lot of times, people don't. They think, oh, my luck just turned, my life just got better. But I bet if you think about, you actually made that happen for yourself. Pat yourself on the back a little bit for that. No minor rejection can send you back to that place, and even if you did go back there, you've already proven you can get out.

Oh one other thing: permission to get the occasional D+. There's an aspect of my professional life that I'm historically bad at, and in order to get better at it I've accepted I need to suck at it for a while so I wrote a D+ on a Post It to remind myself when that thing comes up that a D+ is a passing grade and I should shoot for a D+ instead of an impossible A, which I wouldn't get and would beat myself up for. So I've been shooting for the D+ as I work to get better. It helps with avoidance behavior.

I wish there was a bootcamp or immersion process for this I went to a good therapist who actually sort of worked this way. Like, I was absolutely petrified to ask a guy out, and he basically gave me homework of asking out a guy on OKCupid. His support got me doing things I'd never been able to do before. You could ask some therapists and see if you can find one who would do this sort of thing.

The answer is therapy. But as you've indicated you're not willing to do that, try this. Keep in mind I'm not a professional. Make a list of things that scare you. Maybe it's jumping out of airplanes or interacting with snakes or talking to a room full of people. Pick one of those things, and commit to doing it by July 1 of this year. You've got almost six months to get used to the idea of it, to learn how to manage the risks, to do it safely. You've got almost six months to learn how the pros do it. Then, break it down into smaller steps or find a controlled environment where can dip your toes into the scary experience, and start pushing your comfort zone a little. Not too much. Just a little. (NOTE: whatever the thing is, if there's any risk of physical harm, like rock climbing or jumping out of a plane or whatever, please have an expert present to guide you. That's just sense.) It's important that you don't push your comfort zone too much, because then you'll just shut down and power through whatever it is with your eyes closed and you won't learn the lesson. Just push it a little bit, until your inner voice says "no!" and listen to that voice. Let that voice know that you're in control. Notice how you feel when you have to say "no!" to the experience. Let yourself have that feeling. Understand that you're in control, even when you feel out of control. You got scared and you said "no!" and then you stopped. You're in control. But also, you just dipped your toe in and you didn't die. So know that, too, and maybe dip your toe in again. Maybe go a little further this time, always understanding both that you could say "no" at any time and also that you're doing this risky thing and you're not dead. You're okay and you're in control.

There is an immersion process for this - it's called life! ;op The issue is two-fold. You have to develop inner resilience. And, you have to take risks (small, calcuated ones are best). You need both. You develop inner resilience by treating yourself a bit like a child - be as supportive and as nice to the child as possible; be patient, forgive your mistakes, the child is learning - but also understand that the child has to learn and grow (so no stagnating). And take small risks as gradually as possible, knowing you may make mistakes, some you can fix, some you cannot. Keep taking risks. Keep making mistakes. Keep learning new things. Keep experiencing new things. Try to have fun with it. You'll learn more about yourself and what you can do and this will build your resilience and allow you to take more risks. :o)

Another thing you could do is take a ride on a sailboat under the hands of a skilled sailor. The reason I suggest this is that, unless you're an experienced sailor, you're going to think that the boat is about to capsize as it gets underway. That deck will tip, and tip, and you'll hold on white-knuckled. And after ten or fifteen minutes you'll notice the sailer kind of quietly laughing at you, because you're acting like you are in danger when you're not. The sailboat is fine. It's built to tip way over like that. This will teach you that your instincts for danger are not always calibrated to the situation you find yourself in.

The people that I've known who suffer from this kind of paralysis are perfectionists. They can't possibly waste money, time, effort, or risk looking bad. They think there's some kind of objective "right" answer out there, and I am telling you there isn't one. There is no right answer to life. There's only one way through, and that's through. Go out for lunch. Go somewhere new. Don't read a yelp review. Pick a new dish. If the restaurant sucks, well who cares, it was only $15. You develop confidence by making a decision and seeing what the result is. If it's good, great I made a good decision. If it's not, ask why not, and do it differently next time. See what I did there? It has nothing to do with you as a person. It's just the scientific method. Stimulus A gave result WQZ; try a different stimulus next time. And remember there are very few "make-or-break" decisions. The big ones are: What job to do, where to live, who to marry. The rest are in decreasing importance. Ask yourself: will this decision matter in 5 minutes? 5 hours? 5 days? 5 months? 5 years? You develop confidence by a pattern of "good" decisions. And shrug off the bad ones. PS. They gave you the manager position because you're doing something right! If you were an idiot who made shit decisions, they would give it to someone else.

for risks i would recommend starting small and inconsequential, then work your way up. if you never smile or talk to the cashier while getting groceries, give that a try. once you perfect that go for the small talk. then move on from strangers to people you know. i find for me practice is what helps ease my insecurities. for example sometimes i go to the bathroom and rehearse the bullet points of what i'm going to present to my boss before i actually bring it to him (he can be kind of a scary guy). another thing - fake it til you make it. sometimes just getting through an event having faked it successfully can make you believe hey maybe i really CAN do this! also you may never know how many other people around you are also faking it too, so just keep in mind that you're not the only one out there unsure about things :)

You could also join toastmasters.