Job application anxiety and disappointment

I also trained to be an EMT-B many years ago. Here are my thoughts about your questions: Even though I received my certification, I don't feel like I deserve it because I feel like I was just lucky with my guesses instead of actually knowing the curriculum. It is highly unlikely that you could pass the test just being "lucky." You know stuff, but you don't know everything. That's OK. You'll learn a lot and re-learn a lot by working. The test is designed to weed out people who are clueless. You're not clueless, so you're in good shape. 1) During my required clinical time I only really experienced one true emergency call and the adrenaline turned me into a useless idiot. I'm great at scenarios, but I'm afraid I'm not up to the task of dealing with the real thing. This is all about exposure and practice - the more emergencies you deal with, the easier it will get. And I doubt your instructors would think so highly of you if you actually turned into a useless idiot. 2) The culture of EMS, as least what I saw of it, was super macho. More than one paramedic during my clinicals commented that I seemed "too smart" to be in EMS. Do I really want to work in an atmosphere where people are shamed for that? The "macho" thing is pretty accurate in my experience, but shaming for being smart wasn't something I experienced. Some people are going to be jerks wherever you work, but by and large if you can do the work, you get respect. 3) One of my EMS instructors promised to help me find to find a job with a certain organization I had my heart set on, but now it seems like they are only hiring people with a higher level of certification that I don't have and won't be able to get without months of additional school. I’m disappointing her by not being able to take advantage of her help. You can totally take advantage of her help. Just because they don't have a posting on their website for your level doesn't mean they can't hire you. It may be as simple as the instructor putting in a good word for you with the hiring manager, and POOF, a position appears. 4) I’m worried that while I'm unemployed I'm losing everything I learned, and when it comes time to put it to use I’ll be putting someone's life at risk. There's lots of training and re-training in EMS, and you won't be allowed to make decisions independently without being determined to be competent. I think you should take this one step at a time. Step 1: Get a job in this field, using your connections and leveraging the goodwill of your instructors. Call/email the instructor who offered to help you and let her know that you would love to work at X, but they only have Y jobs posted right now and does she have any advice on how to proceed? Step 2: Once you get the job, learn how to do your job. Ask questions. You're a rookie, so don't expect yourself to know everything - you won't. Steps 3, 4, 5: Decide whether you like the job itself, the culture of EMS and what you would like to do next (become a paramedic? go to PA school? get a disaster management certification?)

I did an EMT-1 and I WAS useless at first. They will have you shadow someone, or someone will "precept you". Then you'll get it, then you'll be fine. Trust the system. Trust the system. Apply for positions, have your instructor be a reference, and ask about their training program/period. Just do it. It's the only way it gets done.

I don't know anything about EMS, but it's worth remembering ('cause I'm sure you know this - everyone knows this, it's just so hard to put into practice): the only person whose feelings you are responsible for managing is you. Your parents' feelings are not your responsibility. Your advisors' feelings are not your responsibility. Your SO's feelings are not your responsibility. I'm not talking about things you do directly to them (which, sure, could hurt their feelings) - I'm talking about how they feel about the choices you make. If (and it's a big if, because it sounds like you've got a lot of anxiety talking here) all of these people do wind up feeling disappointed by whatever you do or don't do (or if they're already disappointed in you), those feelings are their problem and their responsibility to deal with. Not yours. And if you can learn to live your life in a way that doesn't involve undue worrying about how the people you care about are going to feel about the choices you make, you'll almost certainly be happier and less anxious.

Try and find a job that makes use of your EMS certification, or give up on the idea of working in that field. Those are your choices. Asking your EMS instructor for the help that she promised you moves you towards the first category. Getting that higher EMS certification moves you towards the first category. Doing nothing and waiting for magic career advancement to happen moves you towards the second category.

Should I go back to school to get a higher EMS certification or even my bachelor's? You do the thing that gets you the job you want. If your parents are letting you stay contingent on the fact that you get the job, and you need the higher certification to get the job, you've got your work cut out for you. You haven't disappointed anyone yet. Assuming your EMS instructor knew what level of certification you had at the time she promised to help you, the mistake was hers, not yours. A crappy job in the mean time is just going to take away time and effort you can put toward taking advantage of the opportunity you're getting from your parents and going to school to get the other certification you need. Unless by "crappy job" you mean a different EMS (or related) job, in which case it would probably be a good idea to get some practical experience in before taking on more schooling. If you're worried about losing what you learned, then study, practice and stay sharp on your own. It's your responsibility to make sure you're up to the task at hand, so you need to take the initiative. Wherever you see a problem, figure out a solution, or go talk to someone (like your adviser) who understands the problem and can help you come up with a solution. You have to take that first step, though and I know that anxiety makes it hard and you can't see anything but the shittiest resolution to your actions, but the more you do stuff, the more you discover that the worst case scenario is probably not what is going to happen. Pushing through anxiety is a virtuous circle. As far as the culture and pressure? You're the only one who can decide if you can make it work for you. Try to get some practical experience sooner than later, and you'll find your answer. If that means you absolutely have to take a few more months of school, then that's what you have to do.

1. You don't have much experience. It's common for people training for medical professions to have not so useful reactions to certain situations the first few times. 2. I don't know, do you? Are you sure you were being shamed, or was the paramedic just surprised? Do people ever feel you are too smart to sling coffee, even if they aren't saying it to your face? 3. Ask her if she can help. If she can't, you'll either need to go back to school, not have your heart so set on working at a specific place, or give up on working in that field. 4. Like oceanjesse said. FWIW, everyone I know who has taken EMT classes is pretty smart. To actually get certified as a paramedic seems to take a certain amount of smart. Just because other people have labeled you as having the capability of doing intellectual work of a certain level doesn't mean you have to do that. You have the capability of doing something else instead, it's your life. Worry more about disappointing yourself and less about disappointing other people.

A middle ground might be doing some volunteer EMS work while working a crappy job and/or completing your advance training. Or trying to find a crappy job in a place that puts you in contact with EMS services (hospital ER, 911 dispatcher, etc). I would talk to your mentor about your questions and concerns and ask if she has a recommendation for a volunteer opportunity that would give you a chance to be exposed to the EMS culture, stay sharp and get some more true emergency experiance.

I don't have direct experience, but I have a customer which is an ambulance company and I've absorbed a certain amount of shop talk. It's a very certification-driven field, obviously. One things that comes to mind is branching out from only 1 mentor or a small number of mentors or whatever you're dealing with now and going out and talking to the agencies or private ambulance companies you're interested in working for. Get more data points about what certifications you need to have a realistic shot at a job. In my state there's work for the minimally certified individuals - they have to be paired with more highly certified people, but there's a place for them (since they get paid less). If you've been in only 1 real emergency situation, I wouldn't worry about your reactions and nerves. I can't imagine NOT being nervous in that situation. A good organization should keep you teamed up with more senior people at first. I don't know about fire departments and the like, but the private companies I've worked with don't seem to have an excessively macho culture at all. A lot of male and female paramedics, and a lot of different personalities. I've been picked up off the side of the road after a motorcycle accident by very competent paramedics and I've seen good paramedics save my Dad's life after a surgical wound came unsewn when he was home. Please don't give up on the field because people are telling you you're "too smart." We need more smart paramedics, not dumb ones!

1) During my required clinical time I only really experienced one true emergency call and the adrenaline turned me into a useless idiot. I'm great at scenarios, but I'm afraid I'm not up to the task of dealing with the real thing. You've got to have realistic expectations for yourself - what normal person wouldn't have a surge of adrenaline in an emergency? How can a person who's never done something before be great at it the first time they try it? I would worry about you more if you were in an emergency and felt like you knew everything and it was no big deal - to me, that would be a huge red flag you were overconfident and might do something dangerous. What's BETTER, and normal, is to question things at first, to know your own limits, to always ask when you're not sure about something or you don't understand why something is the way it is. That is how you can safely gain experience in patient care and become a great medic. You might also be overhyping this job a bit. Although a good and experienced EMT has the potential to handle a case a lot better (and a medic obviously has many other skills and capabilities), a lot of it is just transport, transport, transport as fast as you can to get the person to a higher level of care. In a lot of rural areas of this country, high school students serve as volunteer EMTs. In any case, the docs who you bring the patients to/your medical director will certainly appreciate you being smart!!