How to get past overwhelming feelings of guilt and anxiety?

This is the process of individuation, and it can be really hard. You'll need to be brave. Especially if your family has any significant narcissistic dynamics -- if your parents feel reassured and gratified by having an emotionally dependent child who always looks to them and not to herself for her sense of self-worth -- of course you're going to feel anxious when you do anything they might not like. That's part of your programming. I want to underscore this -- the type of over-controlling behavior you describe from your parents also rings the narcissism bell to me. People with narcissistic tendencies often need the people around them (especially their family members) to "mirror" them to an extreme degree -- that is, to mimic and reflect back their beliefs, preferences, tastes, choices, expectations, etc. Any deviation from this mirroring that indicates you are a separate human being -- with your own preferences, desires, needs, and choices that are different from theirs -- is unacceptable, and will often be met with hostility, guilt, etc. in order to push you back into a mirroring position. If this sounds like it describes your situation, you might want to check out http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0465016901/metafilter-20/ref=nosim/. It might help illuminate further the way your family dynamics have fostered this sense of anxiety and indecision for you, as well as help suggest ways to move forward. Also, I want to repeat what others have said about seeking out therapy. Going into therapy does not mean you are crazy -- it just means that you value your self and your desire for happiness in order to learn how to deal with issues in your life in a new way. Therapy, for me, has led to greater insight, healthier coping mechanisms, and a much happier, calmer sense of self. Seeking it out doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" with you.

What would happen if, instead of demonstrating your budget or otherwise giving proof, you responded to your parents with some version of this sentiment: "We both know that I make responsible, appropriate decisions. I have really appreciated your guidance along the way. You did just fine. Now it's up to me to remember what you've taught me as I make my own way."

I'd head to therapy for the anxiety, but for now, you could just... not give your parents so much access to your life. As you say, you're an adult who lives alone and has a full-time job. Few things I see, immediately: Any time he came to visit me she made it so uncomfortable that neither of us could stand it. Then don't bring boyfriends around to meet the folks. I created an in-depth budget to show them that I was being responsible... Why are your parents all up in your finances? Get them out of there. or am I completely crazy and in need of therapy? Lots and lots of people have anxiety about all kinds of different things. Please don't call yourself crazy, or assume that only "crazy" people go to therapy. And yep! I think that would be a good idea. No shame in that. Therapists can help.

Go get that tattoo. What are they going to do, rip it off of you? It'll be a solid permanent reminder of "piss off, this is my life now." You don't even need to show it to them if you want to have that feeling of personal surmount.

Your parents sound really controlling. I would recommend a book called "The Nice Factor Book" by Robyn Chandler and Jo Ellen Grzyb. This will give you various strategies for handling your parents' being buttinskies. For example, your parents have no business prying into your finances and implying that you are engaging in something criminal because they don't have full transparency of how you spend the money that you earn. For this kind of thing I recommend the book "Controlling People" by Patricia Evans. I know it's hard but you need to stop taking the bait. Insinuating that you're a crook is a way of getting you to reveal your budget to them, which is a way of controlling your life from a distance. Your parents can insinuate that you must be buying drugs because they don't know how you spend your money, but that's laughable, and instead of buckling under and changing your entire life to prove your virtue to them, you could also respond by laughing it off. You are probably inwardly protesting at that idea right now, but I'm just stating a fact. It's a thing in the world that you could conceivably, physically do. I understand that this behaviour of theirs is extremely hurtful, and I don't want to make light of it, but I don't want to make too much of it either. And yes, it's going to be uncomfortable taking and owning what's yours, and rendering Caesar's things to Caesar. But doing so always results in less anxiety in the long run.

Please, please, please get therapy. Don't be me and wait until you're almost 30. You could be living an awesome life right now! It is not your job to make your parents happy. It is your job to live your own best life. Any therapist worth his or her salt will help you do that, if you tell them what you've told us. Mine reminded me, over and over again, that I was not a bad person for having thoughts and feelings separate from my mother, that in fact I was quite successful and awesome and needed to let myself feel that instead of emotionally abusing myself in her stead. And I did. Any happiness would be tinged by feelings of guilt and self loathing--because it wasn't enough or because that happiness somehow came out of something I didn't deserve. (I should note that I was resistant to therapy in part because I knew my mother thought less of "crazy" people who needed it. When she found out I was in therapy? She tried to control that too, for fear that I was saying "bad" things about her. This is all soooo fucking unhealthy I can't even. But I'd imagine it all sounds familiar to you.) You need to cut them off, tell them less, give them less access. Every time you do something like that whole budget debacle, you're showing them that they have power over you. Put your foot down: learn to say, "Sorry, mom and dad, it's none of your business."

You've internalized the unreasonable demands and shaming of your parents. How to stop? A gradual campaign of noticing and acknowledging when these thoughts arrive and teaching yourself its okay to want something different. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy with a good therapist and doing the homework with it is the best way to get this. To start, find a way to note every time you have these thoughts you describe and record the number for each day. Some people use tally marks on paper, others a little mechanical or smart phone app-based counter. Compare numbers month to month. It is also important to realize this will be ten-thousand small battles over time and not one big one. You won't feel a huge rush of getting better.

Yes, therapy! You've identified the source of your problem: your anxiety comes from constantly wanting to please others, especially your parents. You want to live life for yourself. But you don't know how to break old patterns. This is exactly what therapy is for -- it doesn't mean you're crazy, and your therapist won't judge you. A good therapist will listen to you and give you some tools for living your life the way you want to.

I have worked so hard to have stable finances ... I was being responsible and completely cut out any "extras" such as going out or shopping for things other than necessities ... living on my own, working 40 hours a week, and going to school full time... all I want out of life is to just be able to live my life fully in the way I’ve always dreamed. Hey, congratulations. You're doing good (in my humble opinion) so well done. I just wanted to let you know that. Do your parents ever say anything similar? I think your folks should see and respect an adult who is on the right lines in life and knows what they want. Perhaps they always see a child? A talk might help. Explain to them how unhappy they are making you by doing this. Get your tattoo first and explain this signifies a new phase for all of you. They have an adult daughter now and they have to respect your autonomy and understand that if they see you make mistakes, they are yours to make. If they love you they'll listen.