Do I completely change my family's life for a dream job opportunity?

"I'm certain I could stay there for 30 years ... and retire very comfortably." Be advised that this almost never happens in Silicon Valley unless you are VP level by the time you hit 40. Tech companies here do not value older workers, where older = 45 and up. That said, I do think you should give it a go, just sorta...recalibrate your long term expectations and keep those connections back east alive while you are here.

We've discussed doing a 1-year trial, renting our house here and renting an apt out there. Yes. Although I think two years would probably be better. It can take a surprisingly long time to acclimate to a new place and one year can be peak unhappiness for some people. Also it might take a while for your wife to find a job, if she is looking for one, and you might her to be in the job for at least a year before you decide to leave. There would still be a lot of stress of moving and settling there. The biggest risk would be if a year from now, I love the job and the area, and she is extremely unhappy, and we're faced with this same situation over again. Yeah, but then you'll have real information about whether both of you like it or not, not just guesses. And each of your feelings will affect the other in the meantime. I doubt you will really have polarized opinions then.

I've moved country four times as an adult... and just wrote a big spiel about the pluses and minuses but on easement1's comment I deleted. He/She is right, forget spreadsheets. You are improving your financial lot and going on an adventure. Your friends and family will still be there and if you're miserable there are no rules saying you can't go back to the east coast. Do it.

Oh my god I wrote "you're" when I meant "your" and now I'm dying.

Do it.

First, bravo for taking calculated risks, and for recognising the central importance of your family to one anothers' happiness. But when making those calculations, specifically factor in that people are lousy at knowing what will actually make them happy - so lousy, that even knowing that they'll almost certainly make a lousy decision doesn't stop them making it anyway. They think that money and prestige will make them happy. Their brains will perform all sorts of backflips to make them follow it. Dumb backflips. 'More money equals more happiness' is only true up to a point that you already appear to have exceeded (that is, you are already 'comfortable'). You are likely to derive only a small benefit from any additional income, and then only for a short period of time. After that, the extra income will become 'normal' and you'll be no happier than you were without it. The flip side is that people underestimate how unhappy losing something will make them. Having close friends and family actually makes people very happy, and is closely linked to overall life satisfaction, quality of life and life expectancy. You, but especially your wife, will probably be more unhappy at losing these things than you can currently estimate. When your wife is unhappy, you will be unhappy. You're unhappy now, just thinking about it. So overall, you're proposing to trade something proven to make most people very happy - friends and family - for something proven to not make most people much happier for very long at all - money and status. Throw in the grief of the move there - and potentially the move back - and it's hard to see how you'll derive any measurable, long-term improvement over your current comfortable position. Such calculations are rarely that simple, of course. You may regret not going so badly that it haunts you and makes you miserable until the end of your days. And so framing your choice to stay would become very important. You'd need to remind yourself from time to time that you, as a human being, make lousy decisions when money is on the table, and that chasing that money would have been a lousy decision, and that it almost certainly would not have been anywhere near as good as you thought it would be, because we're just pathetic at making those sorts of judgments. You'd need to remember that it's important to have other ways of living a valuable life outside of work, because work comes and goes and is often beyond your control. Watching your wife happily spending time with her family should help enormously when that particular ego trip comes knocking. Speaking from experience (as in, I'm currently making about $60K less than I'm offered every couple of years), it's very nice to be able to look in the mirror and say 'I'm a good(ish) husband and father, and that's better than being a great keyboard monkey.'

I don't know if you should move or not. But I am concerned about the lack of information about your wife. I can't tell if she is working or what the impact for her own career would be. I can't tell if you have kids or are planning kids. You've not said very much and I don't feel like you're gained enough information about your wife's point of view...or maybe you just haven't shared it here. I know this all sounds very exciting for you, but I am reading a lot of "I" statements and not so many "we", or it comes across that way anyway.

I understand wanting to be near family, but I think you should do this. First, you are young. This is exactly the time you should make this jump. Second, your wife isn't moving away from her family - you are her family. Third, let's say it goes completely balls-up and you both hate it there. It might be difficult, it might be expensive, and it might take time, but you can move back. It is a problem that, ultimately, you can fix. Her concerns are real, but when you are partners sometimes one partner has to give up something so that the other (or the team) can win big. This might be that time. When something else comes up and you aren't really sure that you want to do it, but it means a lot to her, maybe it becomes your turn to suck it up and take one for the team. If all else fails - check out the weather in silicon valley right now. No, that's not a typo. It is actually that frigging awesome. It's t-shirt and shorts weather. Good, right? Now check the house prices in silicon valley. No, those aren't typos either.

we're seeing a mix of answers here The vast majority of responses are telling you to go. The fact that you are interpreting that as something that reads mixed to you is interesting. For what it's worth, I'd go. In deference to your wife's preference to stay put I'd negotiate a trial period of a couple of years and at the end of that, if she hates it you leave without grumbling, even if you're having a whale of a time. You can let your house for that length of time. You may even find the property market recovers some in that time, should you decide to stay in new location. If you do not plan on starting a family for at least the next 3 to 5 years this is not something that should even impact your decision to do a trial move for 2 years. If it doesn't work out you'll be back home in your house long before you're even pregnant. Regarding your wife's job - how long exactly is your offer going to be kept open? It sounds like her plans are quite vague at this point and I bet they're not holding your offer for very long. So does she work in a field where she is likely to find a new job in the new area or not? I'd seriously reconsider remote working as an option. Working remotely can be isolating at the best of times, which is fine if it can be balanced by a good social life outside work. But in a new location that won't be there for a while. So for her to spend all day working remotely, communicating with people she knows from home who remind her of home sounds like the best way to ensure she's lonely and homesick. I'd recommend a local job for her, where she interacts with real people daily and can start to form new connections.