How can I engage in better conversation and avoid boredom?

Extrovert here! You sound like one of my least favorite conversationalist types... The fighty-flighty in advance. IMO that's normally because you've assumed I already don't like you and that I already think you're weird. Chances are, I don't. If I seem like I do, it's probably because I'm picking up what you're putting down, which isn't that we're having a conversational dance as equals -- we are having a conversational battle as adversaries, because you've already decided in advance we can't and won't like the same things. No one is happy in a conversational battle because they're exhausting. Some practical strategies to break out of this are to: 1. Mind your body language. If you are closing yourself off or hunching defensively that puts me on the defensive too. 2. Be genuinely interested in what I'm saying. No, you probably don't like Reign, but maybe I'll be super hilarious as I describe to you the plot. 3. Be genuinely interested in what you're saying... And unafraid of sharing your honest to god enthusiasm. Talk about being a DJ, the neato thing in the football mags, and I'll be hooked. Especially if you're willing and able to tell me why you like it without dissing my own favorite things. Falling that, puzzles force your thoughts to cross the hemispheres of your brain because they incorporate skill sets found in each part. So they relax people and make them way chiller conversationalists.

1) It sounds like you want to steer them into talking about something that's interesting to you... Maybe think of conversation more as a dance that leads to you talking about something interesting to both of you. 2) People love to talk about themselves: their jobs, their families, their hobbies, their histories. The trick is, you have to find this somewhat interesting. Make a study of people. Ask specific followup questions. Brief, nonspecific questions like "why" or commands like, "please elaborate," can sound abrupt and throw people off, leave them at a loss as to what to say next. Ask questions that are easy to answer, like, "How long have you lived in [town]?" "Oh, I would have though X, what makes you say Y?" "Is there anything specific that drew you to that line of work?" 3) If somebody gets into a NO REALLY YOU HAVE TO WATCH X mode, just say, "Sure, I'll check that out if I have a chance." Odds are, they're never going to follow up, but if they do pester you about it at a future date, just say, "Oh, I never got a chance to look that up." 4) If you expect people to talk only about the topics you're interested in, that's an unreasonable expectation. You have to probe around a bit to find something you both like. Your questions here are coming off a little judgmental and fighty, like you assume people aren't going to like anything you like, and you can't let something slide if you think they are wrong, which also doesn't lead to people opening up and feeling comfortable with you. If, instead, you're open and curious about people, and try to find things you have in common, and just shrug and quickly move past points on which you disagree rather than trying to convince them you're right, you maybe find conversations more pleasant. I mean, it's possible they're all dogmatic bores who only like terrible things, but the only sure common factor in your unsatisfying conversations is you, and you're the only person you can change in this situation, so treat it like a game or a role-playing exercise. Can you be the most pleasant conversational partner possible?

Betty Draper is right: "Only boring people are bored." Make yourself more interesting to be around. Develop your hobbies, volunteer, read The Week Magazine, read up on how to schmooze, read up on active listening. Talk less. http://ask.metafilter.com/254143/How-can-I-engage-in-better-conversation-and-avoid-boredom#3692344 is absolutely right about manners: "Telling someone that you don't like something in response to their liking it is basic bad manners, which is why it's going badly for you even when you try to do it gracefully." I was treated to bad manners like this recently when the hostess of a dinner party I was attending started telling a really great ghost story, and one of her guests interrupted her, twice, to say "There's no such thing as ghosts!" Awkward, buzzkill. Interesting, fun-and-easy-to-be-with people do not go around needing to be right all the time. They let the other person talk more than they do. They don't let the truth get in the way of a good story that their hostess is telling under her own roof. They ask follow-up questions. "No sex, politics, or religion" - true. Unless you're in DC, where I'm told you can talk politics IF you've felt the other person out enough first. "Small talk" is not some evil, negative, horrible thing. It is extremely useful when applied correctly.

Also, sometimes when people say they're sarcastic what they secretly mean is that they're mean, or at least say mean things because they think they're funny, with the punchline to the joke being someone else's interests, hobbies, or daring to claim conversational space. That's normally called being a bully, but there's a certain brand of cultural elitist who's renamed that as having a dry wit. I'm not saying that's you but I am saying that having to back off from the sarcasm is not necessarily a bad thing. It's sometimes more fun to just be nice.

If people want to tell you about a TV show, ask them more about why they like it, and then bring up a similar show you like, or something they say that you also find interesting ("Oh, you like the character development on Mad Men? I really like well written characters on TV shows too!" or "I just read a book about career women in the 60s, very interesting!" so, even if you don't like Mad Men or would never want to watch it, you can find a common bond). I think one thing I've learned about social interaction is that people are just looking to make a connection, and you don't always have to respond by telling the whole truth about how you feel.

I'm in bands, collect records, and DJ at a college radio station. It can be difficult to talk to people about this though because it can be intimidating for them and they usually assume I only like obscure things for the sake of obscurity. Surely there are aspects of these activities that are of interest to anyone, though. You don't have to talk about what music is cool or uncool. You can talk about which are the fun bars in town to play at, adventures in lugging around equipment, crazy lengths you've gone to to track down a particular album, weirdos who call in to the radio station, etc.

There's a lot of good advice here. My spin on this: especially for early substantial conversations (where the goal is to enjoy talking and get to know each other) I tend to play the Figure Out Their Passion game. The goal is to figure out what makes this person get really excited and get them to explain it (and get excited/happy in the process). If it's too overt ("tell me what you care about in the world!!!") it doesn't work super well, so you have to use some of the thoughtful openings and conversation-starting techniques that others have mentioned. But I found that this is a great way to build a connection with people -- they share with their fullest heart and energy, and in the process, they think "I like this person!" for getting a chance to talk about themselves. What really helps with this is if you can cultivate a genuine interest in psychology, the quirkiness and diversity of people, etc. Not saying you don't already have such a disposition, but I find that the more mental energy I spend trying to understand people broadly, the better energy I discover in conversations with particular folks. You can do this any number of ways -- reading up on Myers-Briggs personality types, finding shows and movies with lovably geeky characters and concentrating on their lovable geekiness, people-watching on public transit. The point is not so much to develop Perfect Objective Understanding, but practicing being patient and curious with others so that they can show your their best side in conversation.

Don't talk, listen. Let people talk and ask a few questions. Don't get drawn into any arguments.

http://jessicahische.is/helpingyoubelesscreepy - This article is about surviving office parties, but it has some scripts in there you might find useful. I think it may also be helpful to sit down before the party and make a list of reasons why you're looking forward to seeing each of these individuals. Cultivate a joyful curiosity and conversation will flow.