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Little People Get Together Reunion?

Should I go to a reunion of people I haven't seen in 30+ years?

  • After high school, I pretty much disappeared off the radar of my crowd. I had my reasons, which weren't especially due to anyone I knew then, just my situation led me to make some changes to my locale and I lost touch with them over the years.Now that Facebook has made looking up people so easy, my posse from high school has tracked me down and wants me to attend a party, a reunion of sorts. One of our cohort passed away unexpectedly and they put out all the stops to locate me once they got wind I was still alive and kicking. When I got contacted, I was a bit flattered, now I'm vacillating, which is a good way to avoid making a decision at all. I've never been much of a party animal and I'm somewhat worried I'll be the mystery attendee who shows up back in town after an extended sojourn to who knows where. Then there's the expense of flying into a town, renting a car and getting somewhere to stay, which is a chunk of change for basically one evening of hanging out in SoCal. On the other hand, haven't seen these folks in 37 years. They are all good people from what I recall. My wife says on my deathbed I'm going to wish I had gone to see them as I probably won't get another chance as I don't plan on attending high school reunions. Anyone had an experience like this? I was always a bit off the beaten track in high school, and continued to be that way when I moved into adulthood. It's hard to say what good will come of this, on the other hand, avoiding connection with people who were once good friends doesn't seem like a great way to live either.

  • Answer:

    To look at your main concerns about going: I've never been much of a party animal With all due respect, and my maths is not good, but you're all in your 60s? How fierce a party will it be? I'm in my 30s and reunions tend to be chat and drink based and bed by 1. I'm somewhat worried I'll be the mystery attendee who shows up back in town after an extended sojourn to who knows where As someone who hates being centre of attention I get this. But - again, respectfully - you will be just one of many, and your "what I've been up to" story will be one of many, and conversation will not resolve around your past unless you want it to. Then there's the expense Only you know if that's a dealbreaker, but if it isn't my motto is do the thing you can't do again. You can spend money every day on lots of needless things, but this is a one-off event. On the positive side: they put out all the stops to locate me So despite your non-party-animalness, your lone wolfness and your absence, these people really want to see you. You're right to be flattered. You obviously meant something to them and it would be nice to honour that. I think you should go, and have a great time.

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Go, for all the reasons detailed above, in addition to this: http://www.npr.org/2005/08/08/4785079/always-go-to-the-funeral.

carmicha

I've chosen not to attend my high school reunion next month; however, the biggest reason I decided against it was because no one tracked me down to tell me the reunion was even happening. The only way I even knew it was happening was when I was joking on facebook about how lame my class was that they weren't having a reunion and someone else responded that "oh, we're having one, there's been a Facebook group since April." I realized that if no one cared enough about me to think "hey, we haven't heard from EC, someone tell her this is happening so she can make it if she wants", then I don't care about them either. However, I DID attend a "reunion" of sorts a couple years ago - a number of different alumni of the music department at my school, people from many different years, got together to put on a tribute show for our teachers. I had similar doubts about going, but a lot of the old crowd really wanted to see me, and I joined (I was one of the two stage managers who saved their asses, too) and it was fantastic - it also healed some wounds I hadn't even realized were there. Your situation sounds a bit more like the second one than the first. I'd go.

EmpressCallipygos

I had a ball at my 30th high school reunion. I also love getting together with my friends from high school and I love hearing from them on Facebook. What did we do without it all those decades? Go. You won't be sorry.

Ruthless Bunny

I went after 20 years recently and felt the same way you did. Reconnecting with even one person made it worth it!

thorny

I can't really see any downside, except for the money. And it doesn't sound like that's a huge issue. I say go. The worst thing that happens is that it's a bit awkward and then you go on with your life. And I say this as someone who has never been to a high school reunion. But if my old friends tracked me down and invited me to one? I'd definitely go.

lunasol

Unless you have no desire to ever see any of these people again, go.

yohko

Go. I reconnected with a small group of high school friends at a funeral for one of our own when we were in our 30's. Now we see each other 3-4 times a year, and keep up regularly through email and whatnot. So I basically gained a "new" group of friends long after I thought I was done with the making friends thing. My *mom* reconnected with some of her old grade school buddies when they were in their *70s* and hadn't seen hide nor hair of each other in over 50 years. And now she goes to lunch with this group monthly. Granted, they're all local, but she feels like she's acquired a whole new set of friends. Not to put pressure on you. You don't *have* to rekindle any friendships at all. But how bad could an evening of sitting around chatting about the old days possibly be? Like your mom told you when you had to give a speech in front of the class: "Everyone else will be too busy worrying about themselves to notice you're nervous!"

SuperSquirrel

I would go. These are people who share your background, some of your history, and who were real friends. You'll likely find that some people have had tragedies, some have been lucky, and they have all been living their lives - with 30+ years of catching up, it won't be boring. You'll probably learn from it, and rekindle some nice relationships.

theora55

Well, this is all pretty encouraging. Getting it out there is the first step. Some of my reluctance stems from not having any particular reason to go to this area other than this reunion. I've just thought of a way I can combine a major interest of mine with the trip, so that's an additional inducement. If I don't go, that's a major step on the way to never seeing any of these folks again, so investing some time and money in a trip seems like a small price to pay to reconnect. My expectations are pretty low, so my chief worry is not remembering people's names or even that I knew them at all. Guess I'll need to get some coaching there. Thanks for the comments. A lot of people here have had similar experiences to mine, and yes, maybe I'll watch the Big Chill beforehand.

diode

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