Long Term relationship with a girl that has issues?

Some preliminary thoughts: - Females over the age of 18 are women, not girls. I don't say this just as an abstract point about what word to use, but rather to encourage you to start thinking of potential partners as fellow adults with agency in their lives, rather than infantalizing them and framing them as children who are either "damaged" or "undamaged." - Don't base your goals, expectations, and decisions on how anything is presented in a movie. Real life, real relationships, real challenges, and real people are more complex than any movie. Over-romanticizing and oversimplifying your view of relationships does yourself (and your partners) a deep disservice. - If you have recently called off an engagement, it's entirely possible that you need much more time to deal with the end of that relationship before embarking on a new one, whether with this woman or with any other women. To your specific question: Yes, countless people with "issues" have formed healthy, happy long-term relationships. Sometimes this comes after a series of less-than-healthy/happy relationships, sometimes this comes with therapy, sometimes this comes just by virtue of growing up. The idea that the only people who have good relationships are those who had perfect childhoods is simply false. That doesn't say anything about the potential for a relationship with this particular woman, however, about whom I don't think much can be deduced given the few details you share here. Her parents divorced? Well, yeah, so what? I know plenty of people with divorced parents who are in happy relationships, just as I know plenty of people whose parents stayed together who themselves are in unhappy relationships.

It sounds like you are struggling with attraction to someone who does not fit your familial and cultural idea for a partner. You need to examine and deal with that rather than making up reasons (her family history, her smoking and her tattoos) why you shouldn't be attracted to her. It really sounds like you're scraping for reasons to look down on her in order to give yourself some distance, and it would probably not be a good experience for her to date you currently. Either accept and embrace the reality that you want to date outside your family's expectations or walk away.

You're going to be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn't have "issues" of one sort or another. No one gets through this life unscathed.

I don't think this girl is damaged or fucked up or "has issues," but I do think that she doesn't fit your expectations of what a woman should be like. She smokes? She has tattoos? Wow, I didn't realize that most of my friends are damaged goods. It's fine if you're not compatible with this person, but it's not fine to frame it in a way that makes her deficient or wrong in some way. Get over yourself and stop judging her. Break up with her if you insist on looking at her in such a condescending way.

Sorry,, can you clarify what these "issues" you speak of are? Do you mean that her parents are divorced and she doesn't have a relationship with her father? Because that could describe millions upon millions of people in this world, plenty of whom have healthy, lasting relationships of all kinds. I would actually call those non-issues, myself..

she has a great sense of humor which I had never even realized was a great thing to have in a girl To be honest, the vibe I'm getting here is that you don't think of women as people. It's a little creepy. It's like you're saying, "And I didn't even know they made that model of girlbot!" I think the greatest favor you could do yourself -- and more to the point, her -- is to deeply examine your attitudes toward women in general, and not attempt to date anyone you can't view as a whole person instead of a list of bugs and features in a visually appealing package.

This girl I like now is damaged...My intuition is telling me to leave Because she has divorced parents, smokes, has tattoos, isn't conservative, and isn't committing to someone she's been on a few dates with? She is "damaged" by these things, and a troubled woman? And here you are dreaming of meeting someone you can have terrible arguments with. You, red47Apple, you have issues far worse than she does. Maybe she can tell, and that's why she seems scared of commitment with you. You want contradictory things, you might find it helpful to explore these things you want and your idea of "damage" with a therapist, they can listen to you and help you figure out what you are looking for.

The question of whether or not anyone has ever had a successful relationship with someone who had issues indicates to me that you are emotionally young and not very knowledgeable about how the world works. All people in all relationships have issues because people are human and human beings just come with baggage of some kind no matter who they are or what their upbringing is. The real question is not do these things work, but rather are you mature and self-aware enough to recognize how these things work, and it sounds to me like you've lived a rather sheltered life and need to do some living and learning before you enter into a relationship with anyone again, especially if you've just broken off an engagement. Perhaps you need to take some time to assess what baggage you bring to a relationship, and then consider what baggage that someone else might bring as well and determine what is a deal breaker and what isn't. But start by realizing how sophomoric your question is, and get to the real stuff instead next. That's the route to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

She doesn't need someone judging her like this. You don't know her at all, it's unlikely your assessments are accurate. It seems a strong possibility you've got issues related to your cultural upbringing and your experiences with your mother. If you get involved, you will hurt this nice person who has done you the kindness of allowing you an opportunity to get to know her a little better. Be kind in return and don't get involved. Do self-work and maybe seek therapy. You need to grow up emotionally before you can enjoy a fulfilling relationship. Fulfilling relationships don't just happen, they take (self) work! So get to it!! Good luck.