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Does anybody know how to make a graffiti marker?

How to deal with a co-worker's passive-aggressive behavior?

  • Special snowflake details inside. To give some context to the situation, I am a 30 year old white male, working with five other men of the same background and age. I started with this company a few weeks ago, so I am getting acclimated to the work, the personalities, and office politics. We all work together in a pretty confined single-room office until we find another space. A co-worker in a senior leadership position, who I don't directly answer to, has twice now written messages on the entrance door window with a whiteboard marker that I am somewhat perplexed by. The first one said "C u at 8:30" followed by "If you want" a day later. That was eventually erased and replaced by an inane drawing by another individual. About a week later, this co-worker wrote "C u at 8:30" again, followed by "I'm serious." a few days later. I typically get in between 8:30 and 9am, depending on my commute. I am not the only person who arrives within this window. It also was never stipulated that I have to be in at a specific time when I interviewed with this company, nor have my managers mentioned anything to me about my arrival time. This particular coworker can come across as unapproachable, for instance giving the silent treatment when asked questions (He has done this to me occasionally), or giving curt answers to questions if he does answer. The rest of the coworkers appear to be ok with this, or at least tolerate it because the company places a high value on his work. I on the other hand find the behavior very off-putting, and passive-aggressive. In regards to the graffiti on the door — I have ignored it, and continued to arrive within my usual time (and the same with other coworkers). The closest he has come to actually discussing this issue was a joke he made on our internal chat service a few weeks ago, that I pretty much ignored. He has not addressed me in person or otherwise about my arrival time since this. I am concerned if he does approach me, and by approach, judging by his past behavior, will be a smart-ass quip in front of the whole office. Basically, I want to know how to best diffuse this situation if it escalates. I plan on bring up the following points if he does escalate this: 1. Writing graffiti on the door, next to goofy doodles we make, is not a way to communicate official company policy. 2. Making a joke in on our chat service is also not an effective way to communicate company policy. 3. No reason has been given for this expectation, it appears to be completely arbitrary. 4. If my arrival time is a problem, it should be taken up with my managers. Beyond that, I am not sure how to go about this situation. The more I think about it, the more I wonder if I should address his behavior with my supervisors, or him directly. So AskMefi, your advice would be greatly appreciated on this matter. Thank you.

  • Answer:

    How do you know it's directed at you? You say it's the entrance door, not a door only used by you, right? If the message isn't specifically addressed to you by name, I would ask him who the door messages are meant for and clarify your start time expectations.

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Can you just ask him? "Joe, I noticed that you left those notes about how I should be arriving at 8:30 - but when I was hired, I understood that as long as [conditions of work] was going well, I could arrive [whatever your arrival parameters are]. [My manager] hasn't said anything about my arrival times, but I wanted to see if there was something I didn't know about." Sometimes getting really politely direct with PA people is helpful - I have found that there are even times where it shifts your whole relationship because they actually want to communicate but are bad at it and get really relieved when you take charge. It sounds like he can't demand that you come in early, so you're in the clear on that one. But letting him feel heard about it will probably be good. If he pushes, can you say "I get in around [time] because [traffic/important reasons] but I stay until [thing] or later if things need to get finished - coming in at [time] really helps me be productive"? I'd say that if you try to get all "company policy is/talk to my manager" on him first thing, you'll just raise hackles. I recognize that an all-dude environment is different, but if it were me, I'd try the softer and more personal approach first. Have you asked the others what they think, like "I notice all these notes from Joe about '8:30' - what's up with that?" Maybe it's a company-wide joke that he's obsessed with getting everyone to work conventional hours or something.

Frowner

Just ask him if the whiteboard note is a meeting invitation and if you're expected to attend. If you are expected for an 8:30 meeting and your supervisor approves of your 9:00 start time, tell him. That's all.

kinetic

Nothing you wrote made me think that this notes are about you or that there's something you should do about them.

sm1tten

I'd probably ask my manager "do you know what's up with these 8:30 notes on the window?", since he'll know what's going on better than you (and way better than anyone on AskMe.) If it's something you ought to know and care about, he'll tell you. If not, he'll probably know how to respond appropriately to the situation. (E.g. find out what's going on himself, or be ready to provide appropriate air cover if anyone gets called out in a big meeting.)

Courage is going from failure to failure

Seconding Courage is going from failure to failure - I'd ask my manager, not passive aggressive dude, if my arrival time is OK, and what's up with the notes.

domnit

If you ask him directly if you are supposed to be in the office at 8:30, that sort of gives him that power over you - the only person to ask about this is your actual manager. My guess is that he gets to the office before 8:30, finds no-one there, and spends the next half hour feeling better than everyone else, and getting angry imagining that he's the only one in the office that is pulling their weight. Some people will do anything, no matter how pointless or petty, to bolster their ego.

Hmmm, are you sure the note is directed at you? Are you sure the note is serious? I dunno man, if it's not your manager, I would just ignore it. It's your manager's job to... manage you. I feel like you're reading a lot into the note here in presuming it's directed at you - or any person in particular - and that it should be taken seriously.

smoke

I'd double-check with my manager, "Hey, what's the deal with Joe? He seems really focused on folks being at their desks by 8:30. I usually roll in at around 8:45 depending on traffic, along with the rest of the crew. Joe seems fixated on 8:30. He leaves note on the door, he's commenting in chat. Did I miss something about a fixed start time?" Your manager will either confirm that your start time is fine (I live in Atlanta, start-times are rough estimations) or he'll say, "Oh! I should have communicated this to you, 8:30 is firm." Most likely he'll say, "Yeah, Joe's a pain in the ass. Just shine him on." If you want to fight passive aggressive with passive aggressive, arrive at 8:00 and when Joe comes in ask him, "So, working half-days?"

Ruthless Bunny

Since you are brand new on the job I would want to handle this tactfully so as not to get off to a bad start with anyone. I agree with being polite and direct and asking him about the messages as to who they are for (possibly everyone?) and what they are about. First though, I'd find out definitively what time your workday starts. If it's flexible great but if they tell you 8:30 then personally I'd get there on time so, you know, not to be passive aggressive yourself.

wildflower

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