I'm an intense, extroverted, energetic lady - I want dates!

Here is what I think. Also, OMG, lady...It doesn't work, though. I ask guys out and it isn't working. I do understand it logically, that on paper it makes sense to do, but asking guys out seems to scare them, put them in a weirdly passive role, and then they try to make up for it during dates by acting douchey/uber-macho, OR they try to get in my pants because they think I'm easy and that's why I had the guts to ask them out. It's a dangerous trap to fall into, to conclude that awkwardness when asking guys out is because you're the one doing the asking. It may be possible that you are asking people out who don't want to date you, and that's what makes it awkward. Certainly, some men are intimidated by assertive women, but for the most part, if a dude is into you, he'll be thrilled that you took the pressure off of him to make the first move. I don't know you and I have no idea what you're like in person. All I have to go from is what you've written here. The impression I get is of someone who is smart and charming and has a lot to offer. You also come off as someone who's intense and over-the-top in a way that might require a lot of energy from other people. Whenever I read a question like this (one whose answer would require a reasonable knowledge of what the asker is like as a person), I try to take a look at the asker's history and try to piece together a mental schematic of the individual, see what the different glimpses into their life might suggest. A while ago you asked a similar question, and in a follow-up, http://ask.metafilter.com/229628/Stop-Staring-and-Come-Talk-To-Me-Already#3322956, which jumped out at me: A lot of my energy is who I am. I find it so hard in life when people constantly tell me to tone it down. It's so fucking frustrating because I have so much to offer. I think that you are coming off in a way that reads as intense to you and to people who like you as a person, but may be reading as manic to people who don't know you well. I understand that it can be hard to hear and that you get frustrated when it comes up, but if I were trying to figure out the holes in my approach, I would take under consideration anything which I hear frequently from different people. If you get told to tone it down often by more than one person, it may be time to take a hard look at how you're coming off to others. Here's the thing: You're clever and possessed of a boundless energy that will be a big help to you in whatever you decide to do. And, if I may venture so, you're really pretty. So you don't have a lot of hurdles to overcome before others will find you more approachable. Just maybe relax a little around other people until they've had time to get to know you. I know it can be tough, but the results may surprise you.

You seem smart and charming, and all sorts of great things. I haven't met you so I can't say for sure if you are intimidating or not, but some guys are intimidated by a woman who has opinions and isn't afraid to speak up. Also, some guys are intimidated by a woman who asks them out. This is actually a bonus for you - its a great way to filter out the immature, the macho traditionalists, and the dumb. They aren't a good match for you anyway, so keep asking guys out. Don't overlook the quiet, introverted, smart ones, they are often the ones who appreciate you for being smart and outspoken. I am quite introverted, but I did ask guys out, and the results were always way better than with the guys who asked me out. So I recommend it!

Keep asking dudes out. I am generally (for lack of a better term) the aggressor in my dealings with dudes, and it has served me well. Interestingly my college boyfriend had a problem with it, because he was hung up on the masculinity bullshit angle. And it's like, bro, if you're not going to do it, one of us has to. Anyway, where I'm going with this is that you sound great. Eventually (maybe not until you're out of college, though), your ballsiness will pay off. PLENTY of awesome dudes love it when chicks do the pursuing. Trust me. You will find those guys eventually. I promise you. In the meantime, just keep dating. You seem like you could be pretty intimidating, so I would recommend being very direct when you're interested in a guy. Ignore the "rules" and go ahead and just flat out say things like "I like you and want to see you again, are you free Tuesday?" and in general just letting the dudes know that they don't need to be scared of you and your awesomeness. It'll get easier.

You're very cute, but that photo makes you looks manic. You want to dial it back just a tich--lively is good/intense is not so good. I was quite outspoken and opinionated as a young woman, and I learned that being a bit less eager/energetic/argumentative is generally easier for most people. (After I stopped being all moody and mean, I went too far in the other direction and was ohsoperky! Which is exhausting.) Learn to find your own stillness at your center. Being around someone who is always vibrating at a high frequency can wear people out. And you might about channeling your zest and intensity into some activity that will help you control it--debate club, public speaking like Toastmasters, theater, volunteering with kids. Radio is good, but interacting in person, not just over the airwaves/internets, will be more rewarding. Asking guys out is fine, putting yourself in places where there are others who appreciate your vitality is good.

Older white lady here, about 15 years past my college years, just to give you an idea of where I'm coming from. 1. It seems like you are either leading huge groups, or being a loner. You need to find something that you enjoy doing with other people, and then invite guys to do said activity with you, with no expectations of a date. For example, I like to bike ride. If I were you, I'd ask a guy I'm interested in if he wants to bike ride to the next town over for lunch. No need to announce it as a date, just "would you like to do this thing that i'm going to do anyway, with or without you." You can even invite several people, so that it's even more non-date-like. You need to just hang out socially more, get to know guys as people, and you will find someone to connect with. My 2 best college boyfriends came into my life because I hung out with them socially in a larger group for a while before we paired off. The "you're cute let's date" type meetings ended up as mismatched relationships, for the most part. 2. You are gorgeous, smart, and you sound like a really fun person. Please, for the love of everything sacred, do NOT start giving yourself a complex about being intimidating. You are a woman! You are a grown up! Own it. It's OK to talk, to have opinions, to lead. Don't feel like you need to dial that back at all. Of course you need to listen to others and their great ideas too, but don't hide your light under a bushel.

Usually though, I'm a lone wolf kind of girl. I like to be on my own, weirdly, even though I am extroverted--I eat lunch by myself, study by myself, do all kinds of things on my own. Shouldn't that make it easy for guys to approach me? This jumped out at me, because I've been asked out by guys a few times in my day, but almost never have I just been asked out by some guy who approached me out of the blue while I was alone. It was someone I met in a social situation, added on Facebook, maybe saw one or two more times on group social situations, and then eventually we'd, well, either go out on a date or just start making out at a party. Spending time alone isn't gonna make it easier for guys to approach you; it'll make it harder for them to even realize they SHOULD be asking you out.

The biggest problem with your profile from my point of view is I have no idea what interests you or what I might propose as an outing. So you go "exploring" on Fridays, does that mean I should ask you out for drinks at a funky new bar or, like, serious urban exploring? Are we going down to the cool restaurant I know or exploring the old sanitarium and getting scared by weird noises? Likewise, you manage to say a lot without telling me anything about yourself in terms of your interests, likes, preferences. This reads more like a philosophical treatise than a dating site profile. I have no idea what I would even message you to start a conversation. I've travelled a ton (even alone), overcome adversity, learned several languages, read a lot So tell me about this. I want to know this stuff so I have a good opening that's not "Hey" or "What's up".

You say you can't get dates, but it sounds like you do have a lot, it's just that none of these are turning into relationships. Are you looking for a relationship? You also seem to think that just by being out alone in public, tons of guys will approach. But I don't think that usually happens. On the other hand, if you smile at guys in public and strike up conversations, I definitely think that some would ask you out. But I don't think sitting by yourself and making eye contact would do it. Plus, the kind of guys that approach woman without any kind of signal that she is open to being approached are usually guys who have boundary issues. From reading your post and viewing your profile, I can deduce that you are clearly bright and extremely pretty. And I definitely don't think you should try to change, but I do think that lots of guys may be intimated by you. I agree with others that you should do more approaching. If you don't want to ask guys out directly, can you at least talk and flirt?

Yeah, the main picture should just be you. It actually looks like it's the other girl because she's more in the centre of the pic. Plus, your looks and honesty (and achievements) would be very intimidating to a lot of guys your age (and of any age). For the love of god, do not dumb yourself down. Be who you are, you look pretty awesome, do your own thing, live your own life. If you want dates, ask guys out. It isn't desperate. It isn't desperate to get your friends to hook you up (people know people who know people). But, based on how you present yourself, a lot of people are going to assume you know what you want and who you want and that you'll just go after it. So, just, you know, go after it.