How to Talk to a Guy, Awkward Home Edition

Practice with other people in your class first! You'll see it's not that hard and you might feel less anxious when you finally talk to him.

You're overthinking this. Just talk to him. "Hi. We see each other all the time in this class, I thought I'd introduce myself. My name is _________". He'll then tell you his name. You can continue with "nice to meet you, ___________! Hey, have you heard about that new class being advertised?" ta da. You're talking. Good luck!!!

Just introduce yourself. "Hi, I'm So and So. I've seen you in this class a lot. Have you seen the flyer for Class X?"

It's almost like high school all over again. I'm just afraid something will come out wrong, or he'll think I'm weird for even talking to him. What if those things happened? I suggest you type out all of the things you think would flow from those two things happening and ask yourself if those things are so bad that you need to worry. I mean really write them out so that you've done the work. Its a common CBT technique and can be quite helpful.

You might find the http://www.entresting.com/blog/100-days-of-rejection-therapy/ interesting and inspiring. In times like these I find it helpful to move the goalposts: "success" here is not living happily ever after with this guy; it's practicing how to have a conversation with someone you're attracted to. This means that even if it does not lead anywhere (he has a girlfriend, your conversation is awkward and uncomfortable, whatever), you've succeeded by speaking to him and made it easier for yourself to do this with the next guy. With that "next time" goal in mind, it should take some of the pressure off of this specific interaction.

As an awkward guy who is now mostly but not totally over his awkwardness, what really helped me get to a better place with the kind of stuff you're talking about here was realizing that I didn't have to somehow become non-awkward in order to start talking to people. What finally worked in the end was simply permitting myself to be awkward and trusting that most of the time, with the people for whom it really mattered, folks would be willing to look past a little awkwardness (especially in the first few encounters) and see my fundamental decency and goodness. You sound as though your medium-term goal regarding this particular guy might be to find out if he's single, see if he's interested in you or not (there is no "make him become interested in you," he either will be or won't be and there's not much you can do about that), and if all goes well to arrange a date with him. I agree that having a short-term goal of just having a short conversational interaction with this guy is a good one, but if your hypothetical next steps are along the lines of what I just described, there are a few things you should bear in mind. You are awkward. It's OK, lots of people are awkward. Almost everyone is, really, when it comes to talking to people who they are attracted to but don't know well. The thing is, if he likes you and if there is ever to be a possibility of something romantic happening between the two of you down the line, he's going to have to like you and your awkwardness. Perhaps he'll even like you in part because of your awkwardness -- that's certainly happened to me before, believe it or not people sometimes find it endearing! Also some people seem to find it rewarding when they can work past my awkwardness and get me to open up and relax with them. My point is, your awkwardness isn't something you need to get rid of in order to talk to guys, go on dates, have relationships, etc. It's just something you have to come to terms with, something you have to accept about yourself, and something you have to be willing to work past when it gets in your way. For me, one way my awkwardness manifests is as anxiety about introducing myself to and striking up conversations with people who I find attractive. Sounds like it's the same for you. Fortunately that anxiety doesn't last long if I can steel myself and just power through the first thirty seconds of interaction -- after that it's like "Hey, I'm talking to this cute person! Wow, they're actually responding, and smiling at me!" and while I remain a bit socially clumsy I am generally just so happy to be having the conversation that the anxiety vanishes. You may find this to be the same for you. If you can accept your awkwardness and push through the barrier of anxiety you might come out the other side feeling happy, confident, pleased with yourself and your newfound ability to chat people up -- and who knows, maybe even with a date! With someone who doesn't mind that you're a little bit awkward! Or at least with the opportunity to talk to them again later without quite so much anxiety to get in your way. Give it a shot. Just hold your breath and jump into it. Even if you somehow manage to crash and burn horribly, you can still congratulate yourself on your bravery in taking a chance and going for it -- and there will be plenty of opportunity in your life to practice and get better. It does get easier with practice, though it never gets exactly easy per se. You can do it! Just because you're awkward doesn't mean you can't talk to people. You sound like a great person and you shouldn't let a little awkwardness hold you back.

You do it by not thinking about it till it happens and then starting really small. Stand closer to him, make a comment or ask a question that relates to the class or the gym such as "hey i noticed new class is being offered, do you know who's teaching it?" I'm a total stranger on the internet and I would bet money that I'm thinking about your interaction with him more than he will. It'll be ok seriously you don't need to ask him out just start with something small. The worst case scenario will be that it doesn't turn into a conversation and that's ok you can be proud of yourself. I get pretty self conscious in a lot of social situations too and its ok, you'll be ok.

I'm awkward too. You know what works for me sometimes? "Hi! I'm really awkward at talking to new people but . . .. " I would probably follow the but with, "I'm hoping that someone I recognize is going to take this class I've seen a notice for. Have you seen the flyer? I'm dchrssyr, by the way." and then I'd probably blush uncontrollably and fidget. I might even giggle and snort. Because I'm that awkward. I've learned to embrace my awkwardness. I'm never going to be not awkward. I figure that the people who are going to like me are going to like because of my adorable awkwardness, or at least be accepting of it. Of course, it doesn't work 100% of the time. Some people are just too cool, or too busy, or too oblivious to pay me any mind. But you know what works 0% of the time? Saying nothing.

Man, I know the feeling. I still get weirdly terrified of talking to new people — even after having a job for a couple years where my whole day was about striking up conversations with strangers professionally. The thing that I have to repeat to myself is, "So what?" Like, if they think I'm a dork or are dicks to me, so what? Fuck 'em. There'll always be someone else to talk to, and if I get strung up in the details, I'll never actually pull the trigger on any of it. So what if he thinks you're a weirdo for talking to him? I mean, setting aside the fact that pretty much nobody thinks someone's weird just for making small talk, so what? Fuck him if he thinks you're weird. For me, faking being blase helps me be blase, and remembering that other people won't obsess over these minute minutes makes it easier to just do it and be done.