I'm new to depression. Please help.

I feel as though I have no right to be depressed. This thought is demonic. Regardless of how objectively nice one's station in life is, one can suffer depression. It, like any other illness, is not something that is "deserved". To me, you seem diagnosable with some sort of depression. Of course, none of us can diagnose you. Please see the gyn/ob who treated you during your pregnancy about this. He/she can then prescribe a course of treatment or refer you to the appropriate mental health professional.

As someone with a two-and-a-half year old and an eight month old, my best guess is that this is hormonal, and will probably pass in a few months. Weaning (or attempting to wean) from breastfeeding, even partially, threw me into a HUGE emotional rollercoaster for several weeks at a time (I tried to wean my daughter twice, actually did it the third time, and am partially weaning my son now). Hormonal BC can also mess with that. I'd take a deep breath and assume this was a temporary kind of crazy. BUT, as far as the question: Is this related to PPD/A or is it actually depression? Who cares? (1) PPD IS "actually depression," and (2) the immediate answer to either (temporary but extreme hormonal issues or long-term chronic depression) would be the same: doctor, therapist, support system. Whatever the reason for your emotional state, you still need to address it, and you can totally discuss the hormonal issues with your doctor. Even if it "only" lasts a few weeks or a few months, those will be a pretty miserable few months if you don't have support.

Guys, wow. Really. Just wow. I am so overwhelmed by your support and PMs and virtual hugs. You guys are really the best. I'm happy to report that I have an appointment with my OBGYN at 9:30 tomorrow morning. In the depths of a crying spell that forced me to leave work, I remembered that when I finished my last pack of birth control, I was right in the midst of my first period since giving birth and my doctor instructed me to just start a new pack of the new birth control when I finished the old prescription. My period abruptly stopped. Looking back on that, it should have set off alarm bells but I didn't think anything of it. I am on the dud week (iron pills) of this new pack of birth control and my period is nowhere in sight. I think that's the problem right there. I am going to talk with my OBGYN tomorrow as well as keep my appointment with my GP. My GP is a wonderfully awesome dude who has been my doctor for 18 years and who has come to be a family friend in the time that I've been a patient. Thank you, everyone. I can't thank you enough. A membership to this website is the best $5 dollars I've ever spent.

Speaking as a mom of two who has fought depression her entire life, depression has NOTHING to do with what your life looks like from the outside and a WHOLE HECK OF A LOT to do with your body's chemistry. Post-partum hormone fluctuations, new birth control, cessation of breastfeeding; your body is awash in chemicals right now. And most of the time, at least in my experience, depression is a result of the body's chemical balance going haywire. That's why anti-depressants can help. They help your brain restore its proper wiring and get you back to functioning. Hang in there, take care of yourself and memail me if you need to talk. You are not alone in this.

Depression is a medical condition. Would you be ashamed of an ear infection or allergic reaction? Treat this like an allergic reaction or auto-immune response to the biochemical whiplash of pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, weaning, sleep deprivation, and chemical contraception. Depression is a lot meaner than a rash, though. It'll tell you that you don't need treatment, that you're bad and wrong for needing help and you don't deserve it and you should just, you know, get over it. You just go on and get over that chemical imbalance - after all, if you had a broken leg, you'd just get over that, right? The shame is a symptom, the worthlessness is a symptom, the rage is a symptom. Treat them with the exact same urgency you would a rash or a lump or blood where blood isn't supposed to come from. And yes, depression is that literal. Joint pain or flu-like body aches can be a symptom of depression. Extreme fatigue, including the muscle weakness you describe, is also a symptom. Your brain and your body aren't processing neurotransmitters properly, and that will manifest physically because you need that stuff to make all your parts do what they're supposed to. Do let your OB know, and your pediatrician as well, as either one may be able to get you in sooner. This is a little bit of an emergency. Not that you're going to do something rash, but you are experiencing symptoms that are affecting your ability to function on a day to day basis. That's urgent.

You are indeed showing all of the classic signs of depression. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. This is your brain chemistry, not something you have chosen - you're not a bad mom and there is a lot of help out there. It sounds, at least right now, that you are not in danger of hurting yourself or anyone else. If this is not true or it changes, take yourself, or have your husband take you to the emergency room. This is NOT a cop out. This is an illness. Sometimes giving everything over to someone else to handle is the best option. It would be optimal if you could get an appointment before next week. Can you possibly call and tell them it is urgent? Not because you are being dramatic, but because this actually is urgent. Please feel free to memail me if you want to reach out to someone. Be very, very gentle with yourself. There are no judgments here.

I feel very ashamed. I have, from what most people can see, a happy life. This is standard with depression. In fact this is partly how I define depression. If you're life sucked and your health was bad and you had no house or money or family you would have a reason to feel bad. The fact that you feel the way you do without cause is what makes me believe you do have what you believe you have. Depression is one of those weird things like love in that if you feel like you are in love most likely you are. If you feel like you are depressed most likely you are. It's one of the few things where I trust a person's self-diagnosis (I am not a doctor). Even if you are not and it's something else entirely I think your course of action is the same. You need some help. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

The shame and the guilt is PART OF THE DEPRESSION. I felt exactly this same way, that I didn't have the right to be depressed, that it was some horrible moral failing. That's PART of it. The fact that you feel those feelings is strong evidence that you are, indeed, depressed and need to seek treatment.

I feel as though I have no right to be depressed. I realize that when you're depressed it will be very hard to see this, but saying "I feel as though I have no right to be depressed" is like saying "I feel as thought I have no right to have a broken arm." A doctor's visit is definitely in order.