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How do I say "no" to Landmark (and get them to drop it)?

  • I had a meeting yesterday about a very exciting business opportunity. The woman I met with is part of my social/business circle, and I know that she has recently become very involved with Landmark, and has pressured all of her friends and associates to join, as is the Landmark custom. During the meeting she suggested that I come to an introductory event. I told her that I had some familiarity with it and was not interested, but of course, she tried to talk me into it. I changed the subject and she dropped it, for now. Based on past experience, it will come up again and again and again because that's what Landmark teaches its proponents to do. I have dealt with this before, looked into it, and I am absolutely certain that I want NOTHING to do with Landmark, or any other similar organizations. I am choosing my words carefully here, since I do want to respect others who have found it helpful, but in truth I have a very dim view of this type of thing and have lost more than one friend to Landmark, The Forum, EST, Scientology, etc. I want to work with this woman – it could be important to my career, but I hate it when people won't take "no" for an answer, and that is what will probably happen. My question is other than repeatedly saying no, something I have no problem doing, is there a way of dealing with the Landmark mindset to get her to stop asking? I am aware that this may not be possible, and that it may be a deal-breaker for me in working with this person. Note: I will NEVER do Landmark, and my question is not "should I do Landmark?" So, Landmark advocates, please don't derail this question in that direction.

  • Answer:

    And it might be too late for this, but you could always tell a little white lie: "I've been to an event/read some materials/tried it with a friend and it just wasn't for me. But I'm glad you get so much out of it!" Nah, this is actually an in for this type of asshole. They read it as you being amenable to the thing, and therefore capable of being convinced to try it again. In my experience, if you're going to keep interacting with this person, you have to just treat this as a repetitive task like washing the dishes. If washing the dishes were a task that weighed on us cumulatively, no one would live past thirty. It doesn't, though, because you learn to think of it as something that you just do like new every day. Same deal here. Keep it curt and straightforward. You can even just memorize the words you say to minimize the mental effort involved in saying no as much as possible. There's no sure-fire way to discourage her from asking, though, because Landmark really conditions you to believe that what you're giving someone by inviting them to Landmark far outweighs the inconvenience they experience from you asking repeatedly.

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I'd just keep saying, "No, thank you." She may keep bringing it up, but you just can't engage. Engaging in ANY way will just open the door to a discussion and that, you don't want. If she brings it up again, say, "No, thank you" in exactly the same way you've said it before. I'd have something handy to change the subject again, "No, thank you, oh, you mentioned some test dates for the project, let's check our schedules to come up with some prospective times." Stay cordial, upbeat and pleasant. It may never go away, but it shouldn't turn into a dealbreaker.

Ruthless Bunny

Tell her no and ask her to stop asking. I have limited knowledge of Landmark but I think part of it is about make clear requests and my friend who did this to me seemed to respond well to a direct request to shut up about it. This is actually a good point. If I remember right, they're also big on "you are your word" or something roughly like that, so it actually might be effective to reuse their own buzzwords on your acquaintance here, e.g., "can I give you my word on something? I do not, and will not, ever attend a Landmark seminar. I promise you that. Now, moving on..."

invitapriore

Tell her no and ask her to stop asking. I have limited knowledge of Landmark but I think part of it is about make clear requests and my friend who did this to me seemed to respond well to a direct request to shut up about it.

needs more cowbell

"I told you no. That is not an invitation to debate".

thelonius

"I don't want to appear rude, but I don't have any interest in this and would rather not debate it now or in the future."

MuffinMan

rhizome

I know a bunch of Landmark folks, and I agree that one good thing about that program is that it seems to teach them to respond well to directness. "I know I'm not interested in Landmark, and I'd appreciate it if you'd stop asking" should get the job done.

ottereroticist

I did Landmark (a while back), and while I found it interesting, the whole "selling" aspect was pretty awful. That being said i think @ottereroticist has it right. Another variant "I appreciate the invitation, but I'm not interested. I know you are encouraged to ask, but my mind is made up."

pyro979

Agreeing with the others who suggest a polite but firm, unambiguous "no". I have done a couple of their programs and got lots of value from them, but I absolutely agree that the hard-selling/recruiting thing is by far the worst part of the enterprise. It taints the experience and, while I bet that they sincerely believe the world would be a better place if more people went to their courses, it is a huge conflict of interest that Landmark stands to benefit financially from their students' recruitment efforts. Thank them for the offer and be firm in declining it—their programs are not for everyone and you shouldn't feel professional pressure to attend. The best advertising for their classes, IMO, is someone who took the Forum or another class and got so much out of it that the way they live life is inspirational/powerful enough that others ask them, unsolicited, what their 'secret' is. That is a different conversation than the "bring 5 people to our next meeting, or else you aren't really getting what this course is about" mentality.

andromache

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