How to stay positive in dating despite MANY confusing rejections?

Advice I have seen on here which I wish I had when I was dating. Stop worrying so much if they like you. What you should be asking yourself is if you like them. Seems like in most cases you had a gut feeling something was not right. Listen to that? Easier said than done I know. I really do not think that you are sending out any "vibe" that is getting you into these relationships, other than bad luck and maybe being, like a lot of us, not socialised to put your own emotions first.

That sounds like a fairly ordinary number of "rejections". You seem really focused on being "rejected" and how it happens. That you can make a list enumerating all of these times that includes 4 first dates from OkCupid, and a friend who kissed you and decided not to take things further, makes it seem like you are carefully tracking all this. Reframe this as having gone on a few first dates with people you weren't compatible with, and getting to know a few people better. There isn't going to be some sort of overlying reason why behind it all, and looking for one will only put you in a bad frame of mind for going on first dates. Does it seem normal to you folks that I am getting rejected this much, so early on, after a couple days, weeks or months? You've dated nine people in the past year or so, and four of those were first time meetings that didn't have mutual chemistry for whatever reason. That doesn't seem like many rejections actually. It's good that you or the other person was able to figure out quickly that there wasn't interest in a relationship. I've heard of people who have a rule to go on three dates with someone before deciding if they want to continue dating, and that sounds like a good way to have one meh date and two horrible dates. started talking almost immediately about how I was his dream girl Anyone who says this before you've met in person has fallen for what they imagine you to be rather than what you are. Anyone who wants to move in after less than a month either has put you on a pedestal, or desperately needs a place to live. That wasn't someone who wanted to get to know you, they wanted you to be the person they imagined in their dreams, and real flesh humans inevitably fall short. Someone who thinks you are their dream girl before you meet in person is absolutely right about not being able to handle a relationship. I count 9 dates since your breakup. It can take some time to meet someone you'd want to be in a longer relationship with, who is mature and compatible with you. You are way to invested in not being "rejected" if you feel dejected that someone you've never met before won't want to go on a second date. You need to get over this fear of being rejected. The easiest and quickest way to do this will be to go on far more first dates. Aim for a minimum of one a week. Browse for people you'd be interested in, and send out 6 or 8 messages a week -- don't keep close track of when you send them and if you've heard back. Go on dates. Focus on whether this is someone you want to see again.

I'm not quite sure how to put this, but the way your question is written is sort of ... passive? You seem willing to date or sleep with anyone that pursues you, even when you have reservations about them. And then they "reject you". I can't quite put my finger on it, but I get the feeling you don't really know what you want in a partner. That's okay, it's not a fault- however, I suggest you recast your dating experiences as "figuring out what I want" rather than "being rejected". Going on a few dates is a good way for people to figure out if they are compatible, and it's far better that people are being upfront, rather than stringing you along. I think you need to be in less of a hurry to be in a relationship with someone. I know it can be hard when you are lonely, but if you can do things to not be lonely that don't involve dating people, you're going to be in a stronger and more clear-headed place to date.

It sounds like these guys are picking up on a sexual vibe you may be unintentionally sending out. There seems to be a thread of FWB/casual openness that they're looking for and maybe you're reading sexy flirting as romantic interest. So when you decide to go out with them (and you describe a recurring "chase" before the first date too - you resist/they pursue/you relent) you think you're on the same page because the beginning of a casual relationship looks the same as the beginning of a romantic one. So you're surprised when the romance doesn't transpire, or they pull back when they realize that's what you want. It sounds like it's a miscommunication early on, I'd reexamine how I respond to flirting to see if maybe you're inadvertently agreeing to a different kind of relationship than you're looking for.

And no, it does not sound out of the ordinary range of rejections for online dating. I have unwritten internet novels about the unsuitable dates I went on. Online dating is weird. Happily married, to the 35th internet date, if it matters.

There are lots of awesome people who spend many years of their lives single, just because them's the odds sometimes. If you're an awesome person who is actively dating, and you're still single, that, by definition, means that none of your dates are turning into long-term relationships. And that means that one or both of you are deciding not to continue dating one another. Again, that's just what it means to be single. What you've described is 100% normal. The only difference between your situation and the situation of every other awesome person in the world who is actively dating is that you're interpreting your situation as constant rejection. And based on the facts you've given us, that's just empirically not what's happening. Sometimes, you're deciding not to go on second dates (#1, your follow up comment), and sometimes they are (#1, #7). Sometimes, you're flirting with someone and it doesn't work out (#2, #3). Sometimes, people have their own issues that cause them to act crazy and sort of mean (#5, #6). And yes, sometimes you get a crush on someone, and then it turns out that they don't feel the same way about you (#3, #4). And I'd bet that if you could somehow get inside the heads of everyone you know, you'd discover that there are people out there who had crushes on you and thought you were flirting with them and then they discovered that you didn't actually like them that way. I think you need to give some serious thought to why you're construing everything in your dating life in a way that makes it your fault, or makes it a rejection of you. Because based on the facts you've provided, that's not actually what's happening. And while I get that dating can sometimes be frustrating and sometimes demoralizing and sometimes not fun at all, it's also sometimes awesome and sometimes it turns into something good. And that's why we do it. But if it's not sometimes awesome and good for you, maybe you should stop doing it for a while until you're in a place where you can feel good about it.

I didn't reject anyone after going out with them or getting physical ...and then you discuss 2 people you rejected. Also, you didn't call back the first 3 OKcupid dates you mentioned, and you also said I said no to the no-strings sex. That's 6 people whose perspective might be that YOU rejected THEM.

A lot of good advice here, especially from EmpressCallipygos, decathecting and whimsicalnymph. I think you need to start listening more to yourself and how YOU feel and what you actually want and think about the actual man you are interacting with, outside of your desire to be with a man and have a boyfriend. I'm responding particularly to #5 - your description of what happened makes it sound like he was someone you may have been attracted to but were actually completely incompatible with. Even though he was wanting you to do things you dread, and the sex you had was awful because he insisted you do things you expressly told him you didn't want to, you framed it as: he will reject me when I refuse to do things I hate, NOT I should reject him because he wants me to do things I don't want to do and does not listen to or respect my feelings or wishes, which made the sex awful. That man was not a catch, and you were right to break it off, NOT because he might someday reject you when you ceased to cater to his desires or he discovered that you did not share his interests, but because you did not find him sufficiently compatible and exciting for yourself. It took me awhile to figure this out, through a lot of bad dates and confusing responses and what felt like a lot of rejection, but finally I realized that I needed to worry less about whether I was pleasing the guy I was with, and more about whether he was pleasing me; less about whether I was interesting enough for him, more whether he was interesting enough for me. I've been on a lot of dates where afterwards I was trying to analyze whether he was into me or not, wondering if he would call, and then realizing that even though he was handsome or I admired things about him, I'd actually found him boring or self-absorbed. I'd been trying so hard to make him excited about me that I wasn't paying any attention to what I was feeling. The yearning to meet someone, and the desire to make a good impression, especially when there is an attraction, can make us really blind to the actual interaction that is taking place. Think about what you are looking for in a partner. Be selective. I would also suggest approaching a relationship, especially with anyone off OKC, much more slowly. Although you can tell from a first meeting whether it's worth having a second, you really know almost nothing about this person. And they know almost nothing about you - be very wary of people like #6 (or #3) who come on super strong like that because it's too early for that to be based on a true knowledge of who you are. Let them prove themselves worthy of your interest and your time, and know that finding someone you truly get along with and can be partners with is a special thing. Sometimes it's easy, usually it takes a lot of looking. It sounds like you've been having a lot of success meeting people to date, which is great, but perhaps you should look at the first few dates as being more explorations of where you might be interested to go with this person (including: nowhere, friendship, one night stand, strictly casual dating, dating that might lead to something more serious...) rather than necessarily the start of a new romance. This can be hard to do, but lowering the stakes on these interactions will make it feel less like rejection if things don't work out, as they so often don't.

This sounds pretty standard, especially considering a good bit of the rejections are from people you meet online. I think online dating is a lot like shopping for clothes at target. There's a lot of options that are cheap and low-risk to buy. You don't have to really deliberate too hard about whether or not to get that $10 dress or $5 dollar shirt, because even though you like it, wearing it only once or twice gives you the return on its value and you can always go back and buy something new at any time. I think this is how it is dating online. It's very little effort and low-risk and you can like someone but you could easily just return and start again and that's appealing to a lot of people. I myself find that if I'm just 'not feeling it' after a few dates then I'm going to move on. It's rarely because of some fatal flaw of theirs. It sounds like these guys are actually doing you a favor by not leading you on or just using you for sex. They are ending things when they have decided they aren't interested in the long-term. That's a good thing! Just keep trying. I think there's a lot of truth to the numbers game thing.