Help me plan a fair morning pre-school schedule for my 10 year old kid.

It is particularly salient as I am divorced, though have custody, and anything that makes it to the school that even vaguely smacks of possible negligence might also come up in a court of law later. I lived in that world too, and the consequence stuff still works, you just need to preempt it with copious documentation. Email her first-period teacher, the principal, the school counselor, and whoever else it makes sense to be in the loop, and say "daughter is getting teenager-ey, her morning routine needs to change, I'm addressing it in this way [x,y,z], I'd like your input as you see many girls going through the same typical changes, I also want to ensure that getting to school on time remains a priority, etc." And then make it an ongoing dialogue with not only a paper trail for court but also a reference for yourself; teachers have tons of good advice. This is very common, and it's also very easy to get isolated -- reach out more to the other adults in your daughter's life, not less.

Guys, I'd gently point out that as much as it would be awesome if getting to school were the child's responsibility, in many areas, there are very real legal consequences for the parents should the child fail to arrive at school in a timely fashion. Both districts that my child has attended have had policies that if the child is tardy or absent more than [x] times, the police will be contacted. (See also: arrives at school without shoes; arrives at school in inappropriate clothing, etc. Our school has contacted me because my daughter didn't eat breakfast and then got to school and said she was hungry.) Do I feel that it's a ridiculous overreaction? Yes. Am I willing to risk getting the police involved because my kid has had a breakdown about putting on her shoes or getting out of bed or whatever? No, I am not. I would assume that the OP is in a similar position. It's even more frustrating, really, when you want to allow your child to experience the natural consequences of their chronic lateness, but you can't do so without potentially causing yourself legal trouble.

What's the consequence to her for not getting to school on time? Perhaps have a conversation with her teachers. Will she have to stay after school in detention? That might get her attention. Why shouldn't your daughter be late to school, there's no reason not to be. People are the way they are because there's a reward in it for them. Your daughter is rewarded with your fussing over her, her whole class give her attention when she strolls in late, and with the idea that she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants and everyone will put up with it. Is that what you want her to learn? Why are you tolerating this nonsense? She's holding you hostage, and you're enabling this behavior. Have her have a hard stop for when she has to be out of the house and walking to school. No matter what, at 7:35, she's on the other side of the door. Her shoes aren't on? Oh well. She didn't eat breakfast? Oh well. It won't kill your kid to go without breakfast for one day. I once read about a kid who dawdled around, so one day the family went to the beach. Everyone was ready to leave the house, except this one kid. He was naked. So they bundled him off to the beach naked. He sat in the car all day under a towel while the rest of the family enjoyed the day. Trust and believe that the kid learned that "we're leaving now" means just that. I have a clock on my sink, I know that if I'm not done with my makeup or hair by 7:50 AM, that I'm going to be late. So I keep an eye on it. Here's how I'd approach it. "Sally, you clearly have an issue with your ability to get up, get ready and get to school on time. What do you think causes this?" Then listen. "I want to help you, the world doesn't wait for you to get your act together, and the sooner you learn it, the better off you'll be. I'll wake you in the morning, and I want you to commit to getting out of bed as soon as I knock on the door. From there, you need to dress, get ready and eat by 7:35. After 7:35, I will forcibly put you on the other side of the door, in whatever state you're in. I'm not doing this to be mean, but to motivate you to be prepared to walk to school at 7:35. Being late to school isn't an option. If you are late to school, you will have to deal with whatever the consequences are for that at school. Additionally, I'll impose a consequence. I'll reduce your screen time, so no TV or Computer or Phone." You have to make it perfectly clear that her getting to school is HER responsibility, not yours. Also, what the hell is up with breakfast. She has to choose from whatever is on offer, if she doesn't like it she doesn't eat. Do not let the tail wag the dog here or else you will be in a world of hurt for her teen years.

My mom helped with my morning routine until I was 18. She would get up every morning at quarter of six, and made sure I was sticking to my schedule, not taking too long. She'd make my breakfast for me, etc. Until I was 18. I'm now a fully self-sufficient adult.

Does she go to bed at a reasonable hour? Maybe she's staying up too late. I might tie bedtime to getting to school on time- can't drag yourself out of bed in the morning, now you're required to go to bed an hour earlier.

Guys, I'd gently point out that as much as it would be awesome if getting to school were the child's responsibility, in many areas, there are very real legal consequences for the parents should the child fail to arrive at school in a timely fashion. Both districts that my child has attended have had policies that if the child is tardy or absent more than [x] times, the police will be contacted. (See also: arrives at school without shoes; arrives at school in inappropriate clothing, etc. Our school has contacted me because my daughter didn't eat breakfast and then got to school and said she was hungry.) Just to explain and avoid more answers along that route: this is exactly the concern. It is particularly salient as I am divorced, though have custody, and anything that makes it to the school that even vaguely smacks of possible negligence might also come up in a court of law later. So as much as it is completely tempting to let her take the consequences of her actions in that regard, I really can't.

Your kid sounds a lot like my kid, who is also ten, hates getting up, etc. I suggest checking with your GP for physical issues, but that doesn't do you a lot of good right now, nor does it help if it turns out that the only physical issue is that sometimes sleeping at night is hard. (This is the case for both me and my daughter.) What we've done is this:to whatever extent is practical, she sleeps in her clothes. This may not work for you because of the uniform, but it's worth considering.She has an alarm, but we physically go in and wake her in stages. We have to be out of the house at eight. Her dad goes in at 7:10 and just says hey, time to get up soon. I go in at 7:25 and make her acknowledge my presence, then go back to bed for ten minutes. At 7:35 (or 7:40, depending on how awake I am) I go in and tell her that it's really time to get up. Our psychologist suggested this, and it's not nearly as much of a pain as it sounds. As soon as she's out of bed, it's put on clothes, clean teeth, brush hair. This takes about ten minutes. (She's not yet picky about her hair, so maybe allow fifteen minutes for a more image-conscious child.)Downstairs, she puts on shoes while I get her breakfast. (She'd get her own, but I'm usually doing things in the kitchen and don't want the extra body in there.) Shoes + breakfast is another ten minutes. Putting on shoes always, always sucks. All I can suggest is looking into slip-ons. Sketchers makes some nice slip-on sneakers; loafers or other similar styles may be more appropriate for your situation. Even on bad mornings, where Maura's sulky and unhelpful, we can do this routine in twenty minutes. It may help to remind your daughter that the more efficiently she does her morning routine stuff, the later you can let her sleep in. We've also had luck letting her listen to music while she gets her morning stuff done, and, as tilde mentions, incentivising things, to some extent. (Her evening computer use is contingent upon getting up.) A reward system for making it to school on time might solve what I see as your biggest problem--the unsupervised walk where she can start watching a snail and get lost in her own mind. Oh, and finally, on breakfast: we've had great luck lately making homemade Larabar-style snack bars. The recipe I've settled on is 1c ground nuts, 1c chopped dates, 1c rolled oats, and 1c dried fruit, usually plus some cinnamon. Just toss all the ingredients in a food processor and run it for a while, pausing to push things down as needed. Eventually you end up with a sticky paste that has almost a play-doh consistency. Press it into a wax paper lined 8x8 pan and leave it for a while to set up again, then cut it into squares/bars. (We get about 10-12 serves from a recipe.) You can dust them in a corn starch/powdered sugar mix to keep them from sticking together, or wrap them individually in waxed paper. Maura loves them, and they're easily eaten while walking or waiting for the bus or whatever--it's nice to have a backup breakfast, just in case.

First of all I just want to say that some of this, a large part of it, is the school's fault for starting at 7:50. We've started to learn in the past few years that kids her age and a little older actually need nine hours or MORE of sleep per night. With homework/sports practice/family time/MAYBE a little fun (?!) it's near impossible to do that. I was an absolute nightmare for my parents to get out of bed and to school on time in the mornings*, so I guess I'll try to describe that for you: I would not bother with an alarm. First of all, she's only 10, which I would consider a little young to be "teaching responsibility" by having her set and manipulate her own alarm. YOU pick a time that is reasonable to wake her, then ten minutes prior you walk into her room and make it unpleasant somehow (cold wet washcloth to the face is kind of amazing). My mom would throw open the curtains and turn on the lights, and sometimes take away my blanket. Ten minutes later (assuming she is still in bed because kids do that), you go back in there and demand she get up. As for the hair and clothes, I would do the following: - Make laying out clothing the night before one of her chores: This means taking every stitch of clothing she intends to wear the next day and putting them in a designated/logical spot. Even with uniforms there are usually SOME decisions in the morning and that's a waste of time. - Wash (if necessary) and comb out hair at night. Neatly braid the hair before she goes to sleep, wrap in a headscarf if necessary. She should be able to undo the braids and go right to school without more brushing. Getting dressed and bathroom stuff in the morning is probably taking her a really long time because she is sleeping on the job... I know I would nod off on the toilet or in the shower on a regular basis. Playing the radio or upbeat music helped. Finally, with regard to breakfast, I am loathe to recommend this, but I was so unable to get ready in the morning with enough time to have breakfast at home that throughout middle and high school my mom sent me out the door with a peanut butter sandwich and a commuter mug of hot tea or hot cocoa. I survived. *And yeah, as others have mentioned, although I was 100% dependent on my mom to get out of bed/eat breakfast/get to school until I was 18, I am now an independent and capable adult. Being a teenager is HARD.

Around our house, we basically needed to remove anything that involved thinking or decision making from our morning routine. Things that have helped: - we insist that the kids get everything ready the night before - clothes ready, homework in bag, lunches packed, permission forms signed, etc. - this includes showering the night before - we set a very firm 'finish' time for all the morning tasks - you need to be downstairs by X time, breakfast ends at Y time, etc. - a very firm "you must be out the door by X time" policy AND the kids lose privileges for not getting out of the house on time - all of the kids wear an actual watch on their wrist. It's one thing to have a clock in a room, it's another to have it physically attached to you. This has helped the kids be aware of time in a big way. Cellphones aren't adequate - they get set down in a room and left there. - clocks in all the rooms, anyway, as backup! - earlier bedtimes if people are "too tired" to get up at first call/alarm - for breakfast, all of the kids eat cereal and fruit. Both are chosen on the weekend and there's no variance for the week ahead (so, if you choose Cheerios and a banana, you're eating that all week). Again, NO decisions need to be made. - no electronics in the morning. None. Nada. Screen time is for after school. - check lists (when the kids were younger) helped them to keep track of what they needed to do in the morning - breakfast, clear table, brush teeth, brush hair, grab key, grab lunch, etc. As the kids have gotten older, we've spent time discussing the fact that there are 5 people in our house that need to get up and out on time for school/work and how we all need to work together even if we'd all prefer to just go back to bed for another few hours. This is a good time to talk about the consequences of being late, in general, and about being respectful of other people's schedules/time.