Taxes, taxes, taxes - how do they work?

Step 1: Hire an accountant. Step 2: Give them all your information. Step 3: Sign the returns and submit them. Seriously, if you're overseas filing in the US, this will be by far the simplest approach. It may cost a few hundred dollars, depending on the complexity of the situation, but it will save you many headaches.

The other thing that I haven't seen people mention yet is that if you have a copy of last year's taxes and this year's tax situation is basically the same, you can use last year's taxes to sort of crib from. Obviously the numbers are different but if there haven't been major changes to either your situation or the tax laws that concern your situation then you can mostly find/replace. What I would do, if this were me, is to 1. get TurboTax [go online and get a log in, bla bla] 2. go through the steps, answer the questions, read the FAQs 3. print out your taxes before you submit them 4. check them against last year's taxes to see if they seem more or less the same 5. if not, figure out why not or decide that this is the point that you need a competent tax professional to see you through

TurboxTax. My tax situation is significantly more complicated than yours, and even I have been able to get through it all with no headaches thanks to TurboTax.

Oh Jesus. First off there are professionals. They do this shit for a living because complicated tax returns are complicated and personal. Most people only know the small corner of the tax code they "live in" so to speak. So I can't really hold your hand here, but I can give a general overview of US income tax (in five easy steps!). 1. The sum total of income is gross income. 2. Subtract untaxable income and adjustments (also called above the line deductions) to arrive at your Adjusted Gross Income. 3. From AGI you subtract your exemptions ($3700 per "person), and your deductions to arrive at taxable income. You can itemize your deductions using Schedule A, or you can just take the standard deduction, usually you try to itemize and take the standard if it's still larger. 4. Find your taxable income in the tax table to arrive at tax owed. 5. Subtract tax credits and tax withheld from your tax owed to arrive at your refund or bill. Somewhere in there is a foreign income exclusion, triple exempt bonds, and rental income and a billion other possibilities. The forms themselves are written as if you're an idiot, but this makes them very very long and boring. I just use the free version of TurboTax since my situation is relatively simple. I imagine their paid offerings can cope with your complications. There's also some legal protections I think you get by having a preparer handle your taxes. Something like a presumption that by hiring a professional you did not intend to defraud the government.

The forms aren't really that hard. It's mostly addition and subtraction. If you can balance a checkbook (does anybody actually do this?) then you can fill out your federal and state tax forms. They come with very detailed instructions on where to put the numbers and the math is nothing harder than addition and subtraction. Yeah, none of this is even REMOTELY true for me and others like me, and I run businesses and even do some bookkeeping. I can barely do my taxes with Turbotax. It's not really a question of the math, of course: it's a question of what categories mean, and it's a question of the unintelligible language that instructs you on what to do. The best possible way for asker to do taxes for the first time is in the presence of a tax preparer, who can describe what to do in advance, and can perhaps do a bit of education. The second best possible way is with Turbotax, in which case, we will tell you what to do in advance in your next question.

I'm a fool - should have added that this is for America.

I consider myself reasonably intelligent and I like to think I'm pretty on top of my finances. I fix things for a living. I pride myself in figuring out a new challenge. However, when it comes to taxes, for some reason, it's like I'm 3 yrs old. I see the words on the pages, but I have no idea what they mean. For this reason, it's worth paying someone $150 to do it for me. I fill everything out online (I use hrblock, but turbotax is also good). Then I scan in all my paperwork, and then I submit it to a professional. Inevitably, the return amounts are always better after it's been reviewed and adjusted by the professional. Plus, I always opt in for the if i'm audited, they stand by their work or whatever.

Another vote for tax software, especially if you are just dealing with a bunch of W-2s (income from different jobs) and 1099s (income from interest and similar). Might be a little confusing the first year, but after that should be a breeze. I would not advise going to a "tax professional," because if you to HR Block or similar, you're essentially paying someone to type the numbers into a computer program. That person will be more experienced but likely less intelligent and more rushed than you. Or you can pay a skilled tax professional lots of money, which is the equivalent of paying a master plumber $100 to tighten a bolt. Also, if your surpassingly generous friend actually did ALL the work before, perhaps he or she can take 10 minutes to explain things to you in advance and 10 minutes to glance over your return after you've filled it out.

I more or less need step by step "first you go here and fill out this form, and here are instructions for that form, then you go here and fill out this form, and here's how you do that..." Get a copy of 1040EZ and start there. It has easy and explicit instructions. If your taxes are too complex for that form then it will tell you and tell you what form to use (which would likely then be regular 1040, which also has explicit instructions). The IRS provides http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,,id=105099,00.html to tell you which form you will need, but if in doubt start with 1040EZ.