How do I survive my future marine's enlistment?

The success of long distance relationships has, in my experience, a lot to do with the attitude with which you approach it. You can choose to view it as a potentially relationship-ending change or you can view it as a part of the relationship's trajectory and prepare for it as you would any other. Part of preparing for this is recognizing that the way in which you give and receive affection will take a different medium, but it need not be less meaningful. For instance, I once had long distance relationship, in the tech age, in which both myself and my partner were fully committed to sending snail mail and those letters became a very beautiful and substantial part of our relationship. Two things: 1. Most disappointments are caused by unmet expectations. So you two should, if you choose to proceed, be able to communicate very clearly about what each of your expectations are, e.g., How often can or will you communicate? How long will the times apart be? Are there circumstances that would be deal-breakers for your continued relationship? etc. 2. It's wonderful that you have found someone you connect with so well, but it seems a bit unhealthy to expect that you would not be able to function without this person in physical proximity. I suggest that you explore this as much as possible before the move. If you decide to stay in the relationship, try approaching this time as an opportunity to learn to be your own friend, to find satisfaction in your own self, trite as it may sound. Good luck!

https://www.google.com/webhp?rlz=1C1CHFX_enUS457US457&sourceid=chrome-instant&ie=UTF-8&ion=1#sclient=psy-ab&hl=en&rlz=1C1CHFX_enUS457US457&site=webhp&source=hp&q=support%20group%20military%20wives&pbx=1&oq=&aq=&aqi=&aql=&gs_sm=&gs_upl=&fp=76147c48b2eb760f&ion=1&ion=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.,cf.osb&fp=76147c48b2eb760f&ion=1&biw=1680&bih=937 Start there.

I recently had a therapy session where I learned a valuable coping mechanism for runaway anxiety and I can't recommend it enough, given how well it has so far helped me. I know it's not a silver bullet, and there are plenty of things to do about anxiety that may or may not help any particular person but it sounds like you may want to know about it. It's one of those skills that I can't believe I didn't understand or learn earlier but there it is. I think one of the reasons I dismissed it earlier in life is that it seemed facile and stupid and perhaps that I'd seen one too many Saturday Night Live skits with Dana Carvey making fun of "Positive thinking". The mechanism is understood in cognitive therapy as "http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/positive-thinking/SR00009" and it's really the skill or discipline of learning to rephrase or block your internal monologue when it's leading you toward disaster. For folks who have a problem with runaway anxiety or catastrophizing, cognitive therapists often find that those folks have persistently negative self talk or internal monologues. They've found that in many cases, this negative self-talk reinforces and strengthens negative expectations and can even cause and reinforce certain kinds of obsessive and fearful patterns of thinking and behavior. It can also influence the way the thinker perceives experiences and thinks about and remembers those experiences. And so the goal for these kinds of folks (including me) is to develop a discipline of monitoring self talk and bypassing, distracting or blocking the negative kinds. Using these methods I've been able to successfully stave off anxiety attacks for about a month so far, and this during a very high stress period for me full of uncertainty. I can absolutely envision how this might help me (in the future, this may happen) endure and even possibly enjoy time away from my partner for long periods of time. The best part about this methodology for me is that while it was initially some effort to put the discipline into practice, now that I've been doing it for a while, it's not a big deal and it's persistent with very little effort.

Do you have an ambition of your own? Having exciting goals to work toward is the healthiest way to work through a tough time.

And I went light on the "how do I find the emotional strength to do this" part of my answer. I went through the same type of response to his first deployment - he was already active duty when we met. I knew, therefore, that he was scheduled to be deployed at some point in the future, however it was supposed to be so many months down the road that I didn't particularly think about it at the time. Then he found out that he was leaving in 3 weeks for a long deployment. Honestly, it was pretty devastating. We hadn't been together very long, I wasn't sure that we should wait for his return sometimes, and it felt incredibly unfair. Hugely unfair from my perspective. Our last week before he left was horrible - we fought, it was no good for either of us. I don't really remember how I made it through that first separation in much detail. As I mentioned, having a dog was key. My friends were very supportive, they made sure I had lots of places to go so that I didn't sit at home and mope. And I've always been a "OK, this sucks, toughen up lady" type of person. I thank my dad for that one - while he's a fantastic dad he doesn't exactly put up with feeling sorry for yourself. When we were kids he would always acknowledge that something was upsetting or felt unfair and then tell us that we were strong kids and we could manage. So. I don't know, I made it through that first deployment. They get easier as you go along. I don't so much buy into that "you're doing your part of the country" patriotism stuff but I am incredibly proud of the job he does, so that does help. But yeah - get a cute dog. They'll keep you sane. ;)

If you are the kind of person that needs him to be there most days for you, this will likely not work out in the long term, even if you manage to survive this one instance. I, for example, could not handle dating someone go goes in frequent business trips. I want a every day relationship for my future family, not someone who can only be with me on and off, on and off. It simply wouldn't work for my needs, and those of my children to be. Maybe this guy simply isn't for you, no matter how great he is. Support groups are good, so try those. Also, is either your family or his family nearby? It may help to become closer to his family. You won't be the only one who will miss him, so be there for his family and his family will be there for you. Hobbies, keeping yourself busy, etc, are very nice in theory, but it will not make you miss him any less. Nothing can replace his physical presence. When you notice yourself puling away from him, be honest. Tell him "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I'm just scared... I hope you understand..." This way he will now that you're just scared, and he won't take it personally, avoiding hurt feelings.

I'm a newly wed military spouse, so I can sympathize. Right now I'm facing the fact that my husband will be going to training 2 weeks - month after our first child is born. It's not easy being a military spouse, and it's not for everyone, but somehow you survive. I miss my husband terribly, even when he's just gone for weekend training, but it makes our time together that much sweeter. We cherish our time together more than your average couple I think so we end up letting a lot of the petty everyday things go, because it's not worth it when you only see each other in stretches. Sure we argue, but infrequently and we make up with gusto ;) There are a lot of support groups/ ladies lunches/ get togethers for military spouses, and I'd encourage you to check one out. It's scary taking the military plunge, but in my experience it has been so worth it. Sorry if this was a little rambley, I'm posting from my phone. If you have questions/want to talk, feel free to memail me.

Another newlywed military spouse here, although we were together for many years before marriage so I've been through this quite a lot. Will you be near a base? If so, join a spouse's group. If you are not anywhere near a base, find an online spouse's bulletin board & join. Can you get a dog? I would never have gotten through the year-long separations without a dog. Seriously, this is my #1 tip. You have a fuzzy animal to sit on the sofa with you, someone you're responsible for to keep you going, someone to talk to (this was tough for me, I couldn't just call him up to talk whenever I wanted - having a dog to chat to helped immensely). Make sure you have a lot of hobbies. Join a yoga class. Do you have family nearby? I am happier now that we're not 3000 miles away from my sister & I can hang out with her while he's gone. Get very familiar with IM if he'll have internet access. I have often joked that our marriage could be due to many years of heavy AIM and gchat usage. Good luck - it can be horrendously stressful to be separated, but you can learn to work with it. Honestly, it's not even the part of military spouse life that drives me the most nuts (that honor would go to the move move move move move part of it (; ).

Keep listening to that logical part of you. Million of women have dealt with this, ( including my mother.) You will too.