How different between 'attraction' and 'attractiveness?

Should you be determined by the criteria of sexual attraction of the opposite sex?

• I would appreciate it if you would answer _for yourselves_ wrt the opposite sex (or same sex as may apply) and not on behalf of anyone else (as in, what you think the answer of the opposite sex should be/would be if they were what you think they should be). If the question is not clear - Man's perspective: should you be determined by what women would find attractive about you as a man - Woman's perspective, should you be determined by what men would find attractive about you as a woman. Can you never break free from this and be something more? Of course few people would say no. But it seems we often operate by this standard, sometimes saying things because we know it's what we're expected to say or demanding that the opposite sex meet our criteria of attractiveness no matter what may be lost. Who aren't we/what don't we say because of this boundary? Put differently - if you believed in something (anything, I don't care what) strongly, but you knew saying or doing it would make you less attractive to the opposite sex, would you do it? Example. A woman does not feel she is, say, coy, sweet, deferential, feminine. She is strong (to the point of being brazen), rough around the edges, ambitious, smart, unapologetic, unfeminine, bawdy - in short, mannish. The idea is the usual notion of an attractive woman is not like this. Should she change? But - from your perspective please (not one of an imagined person). Maybe you've never had this conflict (congrats). Or it's too personal. Or the answer is yes, therefore you would never answer this Q. To me this is interesting b/c OTOH the sexual desires of the other sex (I'm sorry, they are not so random, there are laws of attraction for both sexes) would seem to be a natural template for the ideal man/woman. Yet often this doesn't seem true - in our society today it is a secondary consideration. Thoughts of any kind please? Thx.

• Answer:

  You cannot fight instinct, almost everything about me is "male" and if some women and men find that attractive, then I actually sort-of like that LOL