Computer Career Advise?

Very confused and stressed. Please advise.

• Hi all! I am a 23yr old Indian guy who has been living in the UK since 2007. I came here to do a bachelor's degree in EE/CS and spent the majority of my time here.After a bad fallout with a girl that I was seeing in my 'friends' circle and getting very isolated in my second year, I went down the dumps. But I think with the help of some coping mechanisms like reading a lot on the internet, videogames,music, etc., I felt I survived. I made a few good friends that year and afterward did a year long EE assistant internship with a big american company here in the UK. Having not enjoyed the emptiness of the daily 9-5 and the corporate environment and feeling lonely all this while, I realized that I couldnt do this for the rest of my life.Unfortunately as an international, I had already invested a lot of money and couldnt turn back. While talking to my parents hoping to get some direction or supports, I would get a standard reply saying "but everyone has to do this. This is life". Feeling mentally unsupported and that changing course would be an expensive option I continued on with my final year. Instead of studying intensively and focussing on my project,  I was feeling low, very lonely even though I had lots of friends and attended many parties and social gatherings and was spending a lot of time reading on the internet about alternative economics, environmental issues, society and women. I did it to such an extent that I hardly spent any time on my project and as a result my supervisor warned me that I wouldnt even pass. weeks before the deadline, I found myself very very stressed, thinking about how if I failed I would let my parents down. But somehow with some help from others I managed to submit it. I managed to score a good mark on my project and degree but felt my confidence in my ability SAPPED! I figured I wasn't interested in CS enough to make a career out of it. I clrearly remember not enjoying my graduation and feeling quite negative about it. Soon after I again started spending a lot of time on the internet reading not to the extent of avoiding social contact but definitely productivity to the extent that I almost forgot to extend my visa if it hadnt been for my mum reminding me! To this day she is shocked that I forgot. I then moved out to another house in the same city with my friends that I was living with in the summer. All that year I again spent a lot of time on the internet, had 2 brief relationships, some good parties but zero http://productivity.Ity. I was living off my parents feeling regret but soon forgetting about it,  till the next month arrived to pay rent. I landed a part time job with very variable hours so couldnt properly sustain myself. Then when summer arrived I didnt have enough money to travel Europe and felt bad. But did manage to attend some once in a lifetime gigs that I really wanted to. After summer ended some of my friends left for work and uni whereas I stuck around in the same house but this time with a different set of housemates. All this while I was still reading quite a lot and felt as if I wasnt getting enough stimulation . I was slowly developing the feeling that I should be away from the computer yet couldnt quite manage to effectively do so. Thinking something was very wrong I started exploring depression and diagnosing myself. Then I approached my GP who referred me on to mental health services who classified me as a mild case and reffered me on to external counselling services. I feel that it helped me a bit but my productivity is still not good enough.I was recently prescibed a low dose of antidepressant but havent taken it as I am very skeptical and fearful of them. I know that I need to do many daily and big life related things but the mere thought of them makes me feel tired and not wanting to bother to do them.I find myself pushing myself mentally to do them and then wondering why that barrier exists at all. I also have conflicting feelings regarding spending my time. for eg., I feel like going out but also feel that I havent  done the things i need to do. I then think that i can do them later but dont end up doing them and feeling bad about it. I now find myself with only a few months remaining on my visa without a direction as to what to do and only a temporary 30 hours per week job that will be ending this week. Also having to find a new place to live as my contract finishes in 2 weeks and a bad bank balance. But most importantly,with NO motivation to tackle these challenges properly and head on. I find myself feeling like shit, low at times and directionless, often stressed by thoughts of money, future and failure. I hence have now turned to the Quora community for advise. I hope some of you who are more experienced at life will be able to help me out. Thanks!

• Answer:

  I can give some advice in bullet points- Forget about your parents money for two reasons, they spent it on you as they love you and it is a past. I did bachelors in Electrical, and successfully managed to enter a Reputed Masters program in CS, and now got admission in a highly reputed group in my research field. How did I do it? I realized that I love CS in 2nd year of BS and started exploring areas of the same and by fourth year I had a good story about following my passion. So moral of the story, instead of being depressed about your BS, start finding things you like. There are so many courses on internet, do it! From what I get, Life is not a battle or race. Dont ever compare yourself with someone else's life. They had different parents, different city and univ.! I think your goal in life is to find your passion by 30! Then add 10 more years and you are an expert in it! (There is a theory which says so, aka 10,000 hours). The thing is look at the bright picture, you are only 23. With your international graduation course, you can easily get a decent job in India or in Europe. It might not be paying you a lot but at the same time you can explore other fields of interest and as I told you, try to find something- That you would do 24x7 even if no one is watching or paying you for that! Finding passion, is really important. I know at this point you might think that money is everything, but nothing beats the feeling of getting up and rushing to your office and being excited about your job. People can earn money by prostitution, selling tobacco, drugs, Facebook advertising,  websites, Engineering jobs or anything. What is important is that you should love what you do! This might come harsh but would kick you out. Every once in a while everyone  gets sad and depressed. If you start relying on those medicines, then I dont see a good path down the line. First step to fight depression, Own up for your mistake. It was you who was careless in BS and dint plan for future. Doing so, will liberate a burden from you, as psychologically you know this but this would be the time you start accepting reality.  Once you have done that, Think of future and plan, in order to avoid repeating the same mistake. Go for a meditation course, it will pacify your senses and will give clarity to the brain. :) I can suggest you do the Vipassna course, it is for free and is for a period of 10 days. You see, even now when you would be reading this, life seems interesting; and this is because you have to make your life interesting nobody else can do that. Do the things which you want, explore new fields. Don't just keep reading. A lot of people including myself, like to read a lot of things on internet. Hell, I get fascinated from Psychology to  finance to management to  maths, and finally to my PhD :D . The goal is to stick to one thing and try to have a good progress in that field. Because doing so can help you your gain or productivity. Don't get involved in relationships at this stage. Your aim should be to first fix yourself and then explore this facet of life. Although if you get a nice girl who can understand your problems it is good, but she can be your friend too right? Adding a relationship as a badge makes life a bit more complicated especially in the phase where you want to fix things. So get your things together, and be the most awesome person you can be! :) I don't believe in lot of self help books, but You can watch Secret , the documentary. It will help. Most importantly, have a collection of motivating stories or articles which will push you up. read about great people like jobs, who had nothing when he was your age! some of the interesting videos are- and I just saw this today :) You are lucky you get to eat food, sleep in a house. There are many people or kids who don't have this, are beaten , raped and what not. Try to have a sense of empathy for world rather than yourself. It will make you a better person :) at the same time, would make you realize how lucky you are, to have what you have. So I hope you feel better, and yeah do watch steve jobs commencement speech at Stanford ;). Best of luck for your life! Seize the day! PS- Sorry for the typos if any, dint get a chance to proof read!