As a tutor, how do I communicate with underprivileged, urban high school students?

treat them with respect. don't talk down to them or use their "lingo". don't assume they're stupid. some of them may have undiagnosed learning disabilities or genuinely never have been taught things they "should" know by that grade level. be kind. always. even when disciplining or reprimanding. always be kind.

Treat them the way you wanted to be treated as a high school student. Having tutored in the DC public schools, they weren't any different than any other students I've met anywhere else. Some weren't always prepared, so bring extra writing utensils and practice workbooks. Ask them about their plans after high school. Show them a college brochure or trade school brochure. Treat them with respect. If you don't interact easily with people, are you sure teaching/tutoring is for you? Perhaps you should practice how to project friendliness and warmth to people. I highly recommend practicing public speaking through Toastmasters, even for one on one interaction.

The "hunt them down and bring them in" sentence scares the heck out of me... that's not what a tutor does, and that's not how you build a relationship. "bring them in" by making the tutoring session a place they want to be. Make sure the environment is positive, clean, inviting. Make sure that they feel welcome. Materials, lessons, activities need to be interesting...challenging, but not frustrating. My program works with at-risk urban youth, and, as stated, the "relationship" piece is the critical component. The key to making this work is that you base the relationship on honesty, sincerity, and caring. Kids know if you care, they know if you're BSing them. Age, gender, ethnicity have little to do with it. Be consistent in how you treat them, be consistent in your expectations. Make sure they know what the routine is and stick with it. You don't need to be their "friend", in fact that will just make your job more difficult. Don't take anything personal, and, when the tension gets high for some reason, it's OK to say "I need to think about this." before you respond to a behavior or statement, and allow them the same space if they need it. Good for you for taking this on...and good luck! Peace.

http://ask.metafilter.com/201059/Help-a-tutor-be-less-useless-at-controlling-kids also had classroom management information, and links to other threads. I really like WaspEnterprises' http://ask.metafilter.com/205768/As-a-tutor-how-do-I-communicate-with-underprivileged-urban-high-school-students#2965992 above. About "we may have to hunt them down and bring them in": Can you do this with food? One way at our school that we lure the kids who are least likely to attend the clubs and events that would be great for them is with food - get them to school on time with Breakfast Club; Book Clubs have pizza lunch; Literacy Events have really good baked desserts... and judging by the number of high school students I see frequenting the Starbucks next to their school (even if it seems evil to do this), if you showed up to remind the kid it's time for tutoring with a fancy Starbucks 4,000 calorie coffe with all the extra toppings in your hand, they'd follow you like Snoopy follows his food bowl (and I figure they get caffeine in all the other stuff they drink anyway...). I'd also suggest, if you have the time, to see if you can get any classroom volunteer hours in a school. Watching an experienced teacher command attention (rather than demand attention) and use positive reinforcement and use pattern interrupts and other techniques in classroom management (even how they position themselves in the room) and relate to kids on an individual as well as classroom basis is a think of beauty when it works - and a lesson if it doesn't. As far as the urban component goes - my best advice is don't judge. At our school, one parent goes on and on about how some of the third and fourth graders have better cell phones than she has - and it needs to be gently pointed out that they don't go to daycare any more; that's their babysitter and how they contact their folks because they're alone after school on the playground some days for three hours or more; phones are cheap or free if you get the right plans and they don't have landlines; they don't tend to be the kids that get expensive food; extra sports, music lessons or camps that cost money, etc. If they're wearing expensive clothing, it doesn't mean they have a closet full, just a few special pieces. So, if you see something that pulls you up short and you start thinking "Hey...", realize that there are probably a host of reasons for what you're seeing that you can't know about.

I'm in a really similar boat (just started teaching sex-ed to underprivileged eight graders, also a college student), so I'll definitely be watching this thread to see where it goes. This http://ask.metafilter.com/196675/how-to-get-middle-schoolers-to-be-quiet is more focused on classroom management, but it might be worth a read; I thought it had some worthwhile stuff.

I can't speak much for the older students, but I worked as a literacy tutor in an inner city elementary school with high poverty. I will offer a starting point: work on growing a thicker layer of skin. Especially at first, they may really hate coming to work with you and let you know it. Don't take it personally and remain consistent in your interactions with them. Don't let them see you sweat, and genuinely try to find something in each of them to get curious about and admire. One of my most troubled cases who started bawling, crawled under my desk, and would not come out at our first session ended up writing me an "I love you" note at the end of the year -- and more importantly, met her reading goal -- and I seriously attribute the bond to when I started complimenting her clothing and hair styles early in the year. Young children are quicker to work toward the approval of adults than high schoolers, though, so I look forward to reading more age specific comments.

WaspEnterprises has it down. Try not to be nervous, that will create mutual discomfort right away. Pretend you are like a doctor in a way, you have a role to fill and it's not that of 'friend'. You may be sort of tutor-friends later but that's not your initial goal. Be kind, try to be curious about their lives like 'how's it going?' And remember what they say, whether it was their birthday or whether their dog was sick and ask about it later. The most important thing WaspEnterprises said was is that 'everyday is a new day'. And that is definitely a great thing..both parties will be able to start over each week. I teach the same sort of high school population (urban, underprivileged) and it is hard but they are surprising with both their openness and their forgiveness. Just be yourself, don't act unnatural for you and you will be fine!

I am nervous about my ability to build relationships and communicate effectively with these students My background is in rural areas of developing countries and not the inner city, but experience tells that it helps to find a common ground to work from, to talk about things that you both have in common, that everyone can have in common (family, pets, favorite TV show, too much homework, what have you). In contrast, topics that isolate you and your experiences from them are counter-productive. Compare the above topics with things like: "my brand new car" and "my favorite sport is skiing." It's not that you have to hide these experiences, but you should judge what will build a relationship, and what will shut them down. (I can't forget one student who showed pictures of herself in the pilot seat of an airplane. Then, she explains that it's the government's plane, and she got to be there because she studied hard and participated in a ROTC program!) Anyway, reading & writing is a great subject to work this kind of information into, as it allows you to participate or lead by example. They get to know you as a person, in exchange you learn from their writing, and you get to drive home the point of your lesson.

From what you said I'm guessing that you'll struggle with this at the beginning, no matter how prepared you are. I hope that when the chips are down, and a whole weeks' students have sat in front of your meticulously planned lessons telling you to go F yourself, that you can manage to frame this as a learning experience and not as a failure. All of these students need to learn, that even if they feel they have messed up over and over again throughout their schooling, it's within their power this time around to pull it together and make a go of it. This is something you also need to learn, that even if you feel you have messed up this tutoring gig over and over, and one of the students has made you go and cry in a cupboard, you are intelligent, you can learn and if you keep at it long enough and keep learning you will figure out how to do it. I suspect if you ask any of the older well respected teachers, they will tell you that they went through the exact same experience themselves when they started. Don't let it get you down.