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how to talk to boss about subpar work due to depression

  • Boss wants to talk about why I haven't been in the office that much these past few months and why my work is not up to par. I've been struggling with depression. How can I talk to him about this? I work in a very small group at a university. Culture is very relaxed, and we rarely go through HR about anything. Boss is nice and seems to care about employees, but I would not consider us friends (more like mentor). When I started, my boss was very happy with my work (and this is probably why he put up with my current state for so long). However, during this recent depressive episode, I've been going into work later and later, and taking longer and longer breaks. This wouldn't be a serious problem if my work was up to par, but it's not. My progress has been slow, and I've been avoiding or postponing one-on-one meetings due to this. So basically, for the past few months, I've just been exhausted, unmotivated, and can't concentrate. I get to work late because it's difficult to get out of bed, until it became a habit and I stopped caring. I get to work and stare at my computer, feeling completely useless for a few hours. Thinking that I need to get my energy up, I typically go for a walk or sit outside or lie down or take a nap. I'm gone for 2 hours, and then I go back to work, only to not be able to do anything again. I do some easy work, like reply to some emails. Just being at work is making me even more depressed, because it's lonely with no windows. Thinking that I'm not getting anything done anyway, I should just go home early and try again tomorrow. Rinse and repeat. I've also tried to work from home to avoid depressing workspace, but that didn't help, and it made me look even more like a slacker because I'm not even putting up the show of trying to work. My boss has brought up not seeing me at work that often a month ago, and I mentioned something about having been working from home, but from now on, I will come into the office more. But then I went through a breakup, and following through with that seemed even more difficult. Other notes: -I've struggled with chronic depression, so I can't promise that this won't happen again in the future -I don't really enjoy my job that much anyway, but stay due to the flexible schedule (ha..ha...) because I know with a more stringent work environment, my periods of slacking will not be put up with for this long -I've been on therapy and medication, but a few weeks ago, feeling myself slipping deeper and deeper, started with a new therapist and new meds -It's possible that I was starting to see some improvements, but then my world was shaken up due to breakup shortly after -I don't have very much savings...I can probably last 3 months max -My therapy and meds are through health insurance provided by employer -I don't have a strong support network (few friends and no extended family) -I'm in my 20's -My parents live out of state, and don't know about my depression. We aren't very close, and I don't think they will be supportive of sending me money because I'm too depressed to work. At most, they'll ask I move home, which would be even worse for my mental well being -I have nobody I feel comfortable asking for financial support. The few people I feel ok asking for emotional support do not have much money either. I think my life is falling apart. I need this job to support myself and continue with my therapy and medication, in hopes that I get better and can actually be productive. But who's to say when that's going to happen. And I already promised my boss I would work harder, but I did not follow through. If I don't have a job, or the insurance and money to pay for my medical care, I have no idea what I would do. There would be nothing left standing in my life, and no hope for improvement. This has been long and disconnected. Please tell me what to do. I know it's typically no advised to share in the workplace issues of mental health, but I don't see an option. I can only hope to be able to convince my boss to give me another chance. I'm going to talk to my boss tomorrow. I have a feeling I'm going to have a breakdown during the meeting (I typically during discussions of my hopelessness and depression). I'm pretty sure I will look crazy. Any advice...please...

  • Answer:

    Email your boss tonight. "I'm looking forward to our meeting tomorrow.** I'd like to give you a head's up that I have a medical issue that I'm getting treated, and would like your help making a plan for improving my workflow/presence in the office/flex time situation while my doctor(s) and I sort this out." You don't need to disclose right away (or ever) that the medical condition is depression. Your GP can be the person who writes a note if you need one. Call a friend - however far away, and practice the conversation on the phone, tonight if you can. Have the friend take the role of the understanding boss, have the friend ask a few basic questions. Then maybe have the friend take the role of the skeptical boss. Then go back to the supportive boss. Seriously, like 2 minutes per practice conversation. Cry as much as you need to. **Yes, I know that you probably aren't. But put it in there anyway. My finances also suffer from my depression, which is chronic and tends to be cyclical. I have so been exactly where you are. While you're working on the work thing, I suggest talking to your doctor about adding one walk per day, a sun lamp or something else in addition to medication.

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I don't see how it would be a bad idea to share what's going on. Your boss can't fire you for having a diagnosed disorder. He CAN fire you for poor work ethic and not showing up to work though. Without the former information, he's just going off the latter. If he truly cares, he'll understand and support you. Perhaps even gettingn a sun lamp for your office would help with the dreariness and elevate your mood.

two lights above the sea

I'm certainly not discouraging you to talk to HR, but please remember that the HR department is there to protect the business, not to protect you.

Specklet

If you don't have a game plan as to how to address your situation then you are making excuses. Would you ever say this to someone with a physical ailment? This might well be the kind of attitude the OP will encounter depending on the caliber of the people he or she is working with but it is by no means true. You can go through medication after medication and treatment after treatment without even the medical professionals seeing any clear solution and find your prospects being pared down to risky, expensive things like surgery or electro-convulsive shock therapy. Someone who is becoming depressed and hopeless about the lack of a clear way forward in treating a condition that makes you depressed and hopeless is not making excuses.

XMLicious

Tell your boss you are dealing with a medical issue. This is one where you may want to involve HR, at this meeting or right after. Depression is covered by the ADA, so you may also want to call an employment lawyer. You need to let your therapist and med provider know how badly your work is suffering -- now may be the time for the big guns. You want to be able to tell your boss that you are aggressively seeking treatment. I've been where you are. Even when depression is chronic, the way you are feeling is not okay, and you can get better.

freshwater

I'm an academic mentor-type, and here is what I would want one of my employees or students to do if they were in your situation. 1. Please don't stonewall or make empty promises. Especially if you've already made some that you haven't been able to keep ("I'll do better") then they mean nothing, and will further erode my trust in you. 2. Please do tell me what is going on. I don't need all the gory details, but I would want enough details so that I know: (a) you have a plan for how you are dealing with it; (b) I have some sense about what I can expect from you and when, in terms of work deadlines; (c) what accommodations from me, if any, will make you better able to do your job; (d) that you will keep me in the loop on this so if it gets worse or you need different accommodations, I can be assured you will tell me and won't stonewall or try to hide your poor performance; and (e) if at some point you think you can no longer handle it at all, you will come talk to me so we can work out a contingency plan (e.g., fewer hours, getting someone else in on the project, a leave of absence, etc). By "plan" I mean something like: you are seeing a therapist. You are working on adjusting your meds. You are starting to exercise more regularly. By "accommodations" I mean: you would really find it helpful if I checked in on you more often, or gave you very specific duties that you could check off on a list, or we meet more often so you had to show up more regularly, or you want to bring in a sun lamp so the office is less dreary, or [whatever]. You don't need to know all of these, we can brainstorm some of them together, but I would want to leave our meeting with some sense of these possibilities. Bottom line: it's not your fault you are depressed, and a reasonable mentor is not going to hold it against you. However, they do want (and need!) the work to get done, and it's a reasonable expectation that you keep them in the loop about how that is going... and if there are delays because of your medical issue, you need to work with them to mitigate those and make the fallout as minor as possible, within the bounds of your situation.

forza

I'm certainly not discouraging you to talk to HR, but please remember that the HR department is there to protect the business, not to protect you. One of the primary functions of an HR department is to prevent supervisors from doing stupid shit that will get the company sued. This includes ensuring that employees with documented disabilities are granted fair and reasonable accommodation, and not subject to undue disciplinary action before these accommodations are in place.

charmcityblues

You need to request an accommodation for your disability. This will probably mean going through HR to formalize it. Among other things, you are almost certainly entitled to 12 weeks per year of unpaid leave under FMLA, which can be taken incrementally (i.e. 8 hours a week, so you're effectively reducing your salary by 20%, which should be manageable). There are lots of legalities around FMLA and its uses, but since you've been DX'd and are being treated, it should not be a problem at all to get it set up. If you and your doctor(s) decide that a stint in residential treatment or therapy might be the best thing, you are almost certainly covered under a short-term disability plan if you work for a university. If your boss is using this meeting to initiate some kind of performance management plan, give a verbal warning, or whatever, these are the magic words to stop the process in its tracks: "I am experiencing a significant medical issue right now and am (will be) working with HR to set up an accommodation. I will very likely be using some FMLA leave over the next few weeks. I look forward to working with you to set up an arrangement that's minimally disruptive to the department, and I hope to be back at 100% soon." FMLA exists for a reason: to help you get better. You deserve to take full advantage of it, and it sounds like your boss is pretty flexible. If you begin to get emotional during the meeting, you can excuse yourself and ask to revisit the topic later. If your boss has been a boss for any length of time, he has had someone get emotional during a difficult conversation. It happens, all the time. The other thing to consider is that he's probably totally aware that you're having a tough time. It's actually more likely that he's calling the meeting to try to get you help, or at least see what he/the workplace can do to help you. Good luck as you work through this proccess, and kudos to you for getting help.

charmcityblues

Personally, I would not mention depression or mental health issues specifically and would simply refer to a "medical issue" that you are contending with and ask for concrete suggestions for mitigating your issues. I have severe, chronic depression which is often in check, but on more than one occasion hasn't been, and it definitely has affected how I approach everything including work. The thing is, not everyone understands depression or mental health, and even some of the most educated people have very antiquated ideas about what it actually means. You are under no obligation to disclose specifics about any medical issue you encounter, but acknowledging you are dealing with a medical issue that is impacting your professional life should not harm you and may provide the understanding and support you need to pass through this period and maintain your professional standing. On a personal note, feel free to email me if you would like to discuss more in depth. Best of luck!

katemcd

Hi Bob. I have a health issue that I'm dealing with right now and yes, it is affecting my work. I am working on it though." ?

k8t

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