How can I feel happy about being a skinny male (125 pounds, 6 feet tall) when I have never felt comfortable in my own skin?

One of the most attractive men I know is about your size. But that's *not* what makes him attractive. He uses his body beautifully -- he moves gracefully and efficiently, whether he's dancing, doing martial arts or climbing trees. He has a very high level of comfort with the mechanics of his body. He always knows where his limbs are; no movement is out of place or accidental. I think some of it is innate, but most of it is due to training. He's spent years doing martial arts and climbing things. I would suggest, rather than working out to build muscle, find some physical activity that makes you aware of how your body is moving. Dance, yoga (acroyoga?), martial arts, parkour, whatever. As you learn what your body is capable of and push its limits to make it more capable, I bet you'll become more comfortable with it.

My situation is sort of the flip side of yours - I'm a short-ish straight female who tends to be on the rotund side - but I've struggled with the same issues as you, including feeling like I wasn't being taken seriously because I looked young. I only very recently started to feel comfortable in my own skin. The biggest thing that helped was that I just stopped trying to fight my body type. After years of trying to get a thin body through diet and exercise, I just said to myself "well, what if this is the body you will have for the rest of your life? What would you do then?" Once I made that shift in my mind, I found that my body image started improving and I started doing things to help it get even better. Some ideas: - Definitely wear clothes that fit you! It will feel weird at first, I know, but over time you will get used to it. If it helps, start seeking out fashion inspiration for your body shape. I found that by looking for plus-size fashion blogs on tumblr - as a tall, skinny guy, you could look at pretty much any fashion magazines (for men) or blogs. Identify styles you like and buy clothes in that style. Even if it feels weird at first, just fake it till you make it. - Pursue a physical activity that makes you feel good about your body. Stuff like working out in a gym doesn't work for me because I just associate it too much with "exercising to look good" which just comes with a lot of unfun emotional baggage. So instead I do stuff that I enjoy and that makes me feel good, and I view weight (loss in my case) and muscle-building as secondary gains. I would definitely recommend yoga if you've never tried it - a regular yoga practice has made me really love my body and the amazing things it can do. Outdoorsy stuff is great too, because it comes with goals that aren't just about your body - you might choose a hike because it leads to an amazing view - and on the way, you get a great workout. Climbing is great for building muscles, but you also get the satisfaction of getting to the top. As for looking young, wearing clothes that fit will definitely help. Also, I've found that looking young can actually work to your advantage sometimes - people won't expect you to be as competent or knowledgeable as you are, so you have the advantage of surprise. :)

Two things. 1. Have you seen a doctor? Or a nutritionist? IANAD, but I do know there are some disorders that result in excessive thinness. Additionally, extremely low body weight (BMI < 18) can have some negative health effects. It might be worth it to rule out a physical cause and/or ensure that you are getting proper nutrition and an appropriate calorie intake, regardless of how much you weigh. 2. Would you consider trying therapy again but with a different focus? It seems to me that a lot of the negativity you feel is related to how other people interact with you and not so much how you feel about yourself. Maybe you could work on learning skills to help you deal with the comments other people make, either directly or internally.

Wow, such awesome advice! It was so nice to receive some new insight on the issue and not the typically canned responses that I seem to always get. Thank you kindly everyone:) I wish I could address each person because I feel like every comment gave me something to meditate on. What I am coming to realize is that my perception is the first thing that needs to change…not my body. In all honestly, I have felt quite jaded about this topic for way to long which I know stems from specific ideals instilled within me while growing up. Nonetheless, that is not an excuse to live an unhappy life. I want to recondition the way I think about my body. I loved all the suggestions about trying different activities that I might enjoy and that would help me embrace my body type. I always did love yoga…and I am encouraged to take it up again, alongside some of the other suggestions. To quickly comment on me being "clinically" underweight …I do get a physical every year and ironically enough, it is my doctor who keeps telling me not to worry about my weight (I am quite healthy). Though, I think it was a good suggestion to check out a nutritionist (not to gain weight but to work on a balanced diet). Thanks again everyone:)

Yeah, I want to nth that people commenting on your weight, even to tell you to eat a sandwich or whatever, are really not trying to insult you - it's actually weirdly a compliment, which is why it's "ok" for them to say that. I'm not saying that to defend comments like that, but to offer that if you can reframe it in your mind, you might actually be able to use these comments to help you feel better about your shape. Similarly, I used to get so self-conscious when people commented on how young I looked, because I interpreted it as them telling me I seemed immature. That was something I was self-conscious about because I was somewhat of a late bloomer in a few key areas. It took me a long time to really absorb the fact that every single one of those people meant it as a compliment, even if it was cloaked in a comment like "you can't possibly be the person in charge - you're a child!" (an actual comment I heard at the age of 28) Basically, the thing you have to realize is that 90% of the random comments people make are a reflection of the inner narrative they have in their own heads, and don't have much to do with you. Once you get clear on that, things get a lot easier.

I'm 6'1" and I've struggled with this same issue. I fluctuate between 130 and 140 depending on what's going on in my life. I may even be below 130 at this point. What it comes down to, is that you have to love your body. You're going to be stuck with it for a while. When I'm home alone, I'm in my underwear. All of my friends know that when I say "I'll be right there" it means I'm putting on pants. I don't hide it. Sometimes I also have 'naked night'. It usually involves drinking, but that's not the point. The point is, I don't have the body the guys in the magazines have. I don't have the body that the guys in the pornos have. What I do have, is a body that I celebrate every now and then. I'm gay too, and when I'm not in only underwear at home, I'm usually shirtless. That's the best part about being a guy! It doesn't matter if I'm fat or thin, a guy (somehow, I'm not sure how it happened) has the right to walk around shirtless like he's the shit. Give your body a chance. Don't study it in a mirror, just enjoy it. One day you'll be 90 and you'll wish you had the body you have now. Typed this in my underwear. I was naked earlier, but some neighbors came over so I put boxers on. They stuck around for quite a while even though I was in such a state of undress. Must like me for more than my body. :)

Just wanted to say that while it may feel like people are ganging up on you about either your skinniness or your weight gain, remember that they aren't. People comment and compliment on others out of habit as a way to start conversations. It's like being at a monkey social wherein you get the bugs picked off of you. You shouldn't always feel like you have to react positively to their nosiness, but I do suggest practicing in the mirror and in your head such casual responses as, "Thanks! It's been difficult to gain the weight but it feels great." and "Yeah, I feel pretty damn sexy *mock pose*" and, perhaps if you're geekily inclined, "Ah, you should've seen me when I was younger! I was just a wee worm but, lo', now I create the spice." Basically, I'm saying to relax. You were bullied when you were younger (for which I wish I could give you a hug, oy) and people can be nosy and pushy as adults, but just know that NOT everyone is trying to be a dick. This advice might be premature, but as you move toward acceptance of your body, have fun. Make silly faces in the mirror at home and say "Fuck those people. I love myself" even if you don't believe it yet. Trace your fingers over your angles, your hip bones, your (possibly awesomely sharp?) elbows, your jawline, your cheekbones, your collarbone. Look at yourself as an artist would, at the way the shadows or shower water plays over your skin. Maybe, if it's in your budget, have a professional photographer take artsy photos that show off your beauty. Jump into acceptance with both feet and perhaps you'll be closer to loving yourself before you realize it.

6' 125 is clinically underweight, which carries some health risks, so you should speak to your doctor about this if you haven't. As for the rest of it, you will probably have an easier time with the mental aspect if you come up with some performance-based fitness goals rather than focusing entirely on your image. Set a goal of deadlifting twice your bodyweight, or get serious about a sport or something. You'll feel better about your body because you'll see what it's capable of, plus you'll be healthier and look better. You should also understand that just like if you were obese and trying to lose weight, putting on size is not a project that you can get gung-ho about for a couple of months and then suddenly you'll be transformed. Making big changes in your physique requires being consistent for a long time. I'm the same height as you, and http://i.imgur.com/p3WZx.jpg (NSFW-ish). You don't have to change your body to please anyone else, but if you want to, you can. Just about everything you need to know is http://4chanfit.wikia.com/wiki/Harsh's_Worksheet_(WIP).

This might not help right now, but I think what you're going through is a process. I had an appearance issue with myself for a long time, wasn't comfortable in my skin at all & didn't like the way I looked. In turn, I would get a lot of comments from people that were on the part of myself that I didn't like. It's an issue to people because it's such an issue to you (if you can think about people you see who are disabled in some way but have worked through what has happened & now are accepting of themselves, this is a very visual representation of this concept). Others treat you how you feel- this is in no way saying you "want" or welcome them bringing up the issue that you are sensitive about, I think that people just pick up on it because those thoughts are constantly in the forefront of you mind (these coming from past experiences when you were younger & ridiculed for it, your father's ideals, that you are carrying into your present day self). As I've gotten a bit older I found much to my surprise I don't get the comments from people about a certain aspect about my appearance, that I used to get when I was younger. I think things changed because I wasn't thinking these thoughts about myself anymore. It was a non issue to me, I didn't think it was true of me anymore. Occasional comments would come up from random people, but when they did I would refute them & with my response it was apparent this issue was not true for me anymore. People would see that with the confidence in the way I responded, & would not make comments again, then the frequency of those random comments from people pretty much went to nil. This is funny to me, because when I needed them to go away (when I was younger & more insecure), they didn't, but now that I have more confidence & it's a non issue for me, it disappeared. I don't think that's a coincidence. Looking back as well, that time of my life is the time I looked the best I ever have, physically. Funny that I couldn't fully appreciate it at the time. So I think the more you let it be a non issue to you, the more it will be to others. This has just been my experience. You say you already think "thin" looks right on you, so I think you're on your way. You might be in the middle of changing how you feel, but it's hard for you to know that because like I said I think it's a process. Everything in life is, we're all changing constantly, so is everything & everyone around us. The more you accept yourself, the more others do to. Hard thing to do though, I know! I still struggle with aspects of it as well. I think it naturally starts happening though, little by little. Of course, easier said than done. Just having the intention of it though, is the start. Do some physical activities that you enjoy, for the sake of enjoying them. Maybe find some people who are struggling with the same problem you do, that could help you feel more empowered, instead of the odd man out. In all, I think you will grow through this.