The lust for comfort, that stealthy thing that enters the house a guest, and then becomes a host, and then a master.

I feel embarrassed and prickly when people come over and comment in amazement about how they can’t believe we still haven’t redone the bathroom (it’s functional, just mind-blowingly tiny), or how long it took us to fix this thing or that thing. People actually say this to you!? How rude! I think your own feelings are coming from these kind of people. Stop inviting them over. Invite over the ones who will say something positive (like, "Oh, the crown moldings look great!"). I know you say you don't want DIY tips, but are there parts of it you could do? The people I know who have done so (for the things they were able to do, obviously) really felt proud of their work. Doing some small projects that you have the capability of doing might help give you that sense of pride.

I live in an old house. 1907. The previous house that I lived in was nearly as old too. Both houses were neglected when I got them. My current house still needs a lot of work. When I sold the previous house, I had done a lot of work, but it still was not perfect. I consoled myself about it by thinking: I am saving this house. An old house gives character to the neighborhood, and homes just are not built like this anymore. Someone else would not have taken the time and care that I took to repair the structure. I did not do any band-aid solutions just for cosmetics. I waited until I could do it right, then did it right. I took a grand old house, that was falling apart, and I saved her.

May I suggest "Unfuck Your Habitat"? Also... next time some rudester criticizes your bathroom, thank them for the offer. Go ape, go over the top with frenzied gratitude that they would be amazingly generous enough to offer to do such a thing. Because obviously, the only good reason to say something like that is because they're offering to take on the job themselves, obviously. Then, don't ever let these uncivilized savages back into your house unless they can show you the colour of their tile samples. Rudesters and ruffians! Shame on them!

Anyone who comes over and is not on board with the philosophy of "Wow, how lucky we all are to have houses, and live where we live, and be healthy enough to pick up a paintbrush" should be off your list of invitees. Count your blessings!

If you can't fix it, flaunt it! In your place, I'd try to stop seeing flaws and start thinking of them as features. The floors are worn? Imagine all the history those floors have seen. The bathroom is tiny? (and seriously, your friends should not be criticizing your home when they come to visit. Rude!) Think of the families that used that bathroom before you. I love older houses. They have a character all their own, and your house is truly unique. It's not some cookie-cutter house that are a dime a dozen. No other house in the world has your home's history, its stories, its quirks. Try to embrace the quirks instead of only seeing the flaws.

I've inadvertently discovered a little mind hack for this feeling: going house shopping. I don't mean looking at the criminally deceptive pictures on the MLS; I mean actually going out and taking a look at houses that are selling in the same price range that your house would. The mere fact that you care enough to write this question virtually guarantees that you'll discover that 90% of people in your price bracket are living in less appealing homes than yours. I spent years feeling frustrated with my house, finally decided to move and lo and behold, I can't find anything I like better. It's no use looking at more expensive houses if you can't afford them. You can only afford what you can afford, and there will always be people with more money, and people with less money. The only thing you should care about is whether you could be doing better with the money that you have. And I bet you can't. And if you discover you can, well, that's something to think about, too.

Wow. Thank you, guys, so much. I teared up a little reading through all your responses. You don't know how much your kind words have helped. Most of the critical comments have come from family, particular older relatives with loads of money or credit at their disposal to do whatever they want to their house whenever they want to do it, and who perhaps have forgotten what it's like to be in their twenties or thirties with limited means and ten thousand other things all vying for their attention. I don't necessarily want to bar them from the house, but I will definitely be communicating that they are not to comment on what still needs doing. Our friends have actually been nothing but cheerleaders regarding our work on the house. We don't have them over very often due to most being allergic to dogs, but with nice weather coming on quickly, some backyard parties sound like just the ticket. A have-done list is a terrific idea because I know we’ve done way more than I give myself credit for. My husband often tells me that I hold myself to a standard of a person who has significantly more money and free time than I do. I do have a huge folder of "before" pics of our place, but it got moved to an external hard drive when I got a new computer a couple years ago and so I haven't looked at it in a long time. I think I will make an album in a place where I can see it regularly. And yes, no more house porn. I actually shut down my Pinterest account a couple weeks ago because of this. - tel3path, I love "Unfuck Your Habitat," thanks for reminding me about it. I love seeing REAL pictures of people’s houses on the internet, not just the ones that have been staged for Apartment Therapy or whatever. - straw, your point about recording not just the endless to-do list but also the reasons for getting to each project (or not) resonated with me. Because there IS always a reason why we haven’t gotten to X or Y yet, and a damn good one, too. - Flood, I adore what you wrote about saving your house. That is exactly how I feel about mine. It's a truly beautiful house at its core and it makes me happy to see it finally starting to become the beauty we've always known it could be. - HotToddy, that's a fantastic point. I tend to forget that when we were house-hunting, we looked at 50+ houses and this one WAS far and away the best of the lot. There wasn't a single other house that we even considered buying. - kmennie, I have totally played the pretend-rental game in low moments. Sincere thanks to everyone who answered for restoring both my perspective and the joy in my house that I know should be there. It helped immensely just to hear from others who have found themselves in the same situation. You are all awesome.

There is a Japanese name for accepting and appreciating imperfection and signs of age as an aesthetic. It's called "wabi sabi" and I think it's the kind of perspective you are asking for here, when you say that your home has a certain "patina" that you want to change your attitude toward. I suggest reading about this concept, since naming it and realizing that it can be an aesthetic preference as well as a kind of philosophical outlook might help you see the true beauty in your home.

Have a you-space, even if that is a little corner of a room where your desk, easy-chair, computer set-up whatever is exactly as you would wish it, add things that trigger good feelings in you: at the moment my space has an expensive scented candle that even when not lit gives off a small amount of scent. Make sure that everything you need for some down-time is there. I have a speaker for my iPod, laptop and all the books/music I could want. It is important that none of the clutter or spots that make you feel like this is visible from this little spot. Have a designated space for visitors which you keep nice and set boundaries. Why are people commenting that you still haven't renovated a bathroom? FFS, tell close friends what you've written here and surround yourself with people who, if they suggest a job of work is necessary in your home, will help you do it. (I'm not exagerrating; I've had several "chain-gang weekends where a group of friends have come over to tackle a really shitty, hard, dirty project in exchange for all the food & drink and a nice setting)