How to feel good about my financial independence?

I was getting prepared to give you some advice about being cool with his decisions, until I read further and saw that you are expecting a child. This behavior is not okay for someone who is expecting a child in two months. If you both agree that you will stay home with the baby for the first 1-2 years, then he should be stepping up to fulltime work /now/, not waiting until the baby is actually born. I think you have some justifiable concerns about his level of engagement, and how well he'll handle that. He should be handling it now to show you how he will handle it in the future. That said, one thing that can make you feel better about your financial independence is the idea that if this doesn't work out, you will be able to care for your child, whereas women who are dependent on their partners have difficulty if things go downhill. But babies change the equation for everything. It's one thing to have different styles, but when it comes to babytime, you should have one style - the one the baby needs.

I'm panicking a bit reading this.. you have no idea how many women I know who have been financially and emotionally devastated by their dependence on their husband post-childbirth, and the stress of relying on someone who can't provide security is going to be tough. It's going to affect your child's security too. Rethink your plan of staying home for so long; have other options in place, tour daycares now. With a backup plan in place you'll feel much better.

I had never heard the term positively geared before - I've learned something new, thank you! You say he does not work FT because of "lifestyle balance" but at the same time he is in debt and has limited funds, no savings, struggles with paying his share of expenses, and knows that he has a major ongoing expense for the next two years (supporting you and the new baby). He could have been working more NOW in order to take time off/work less weekly hours to be with you and the baby, but instead is choosing to later either lower everyone's standard of living to what he is comfortable with (that you find limiting), or work more while you are alone with the baby and possibly feeling overwhelmed/needing a break from child-minding. I see how your anxiety is rooted in him not being a "team player" - he is putting his own needs/deciosn of what is a good lifestyle balance at the expense of your (and the baby's) needs. You are good in being proactive because (assuming he is in his thirties) this is who he is and it will not change unless he recognises it is a problem for both of you - and you both need to work on it. You mention wanting to support his long-term work prospects but that seems incongruent with him not being able to support you in even paying for his half of shared expenses now. Have you considered meeting with a couple's counsellor to set shared goals and a timeline for action? Maybe if someone external and neutral is part of the conversation he will feel more accountable and get a bit of a reality-check. Right now you have kept your finances separate (smart move!) but maybe if you design a shared budget with the help of a professional where you both compromise a bit he will become more responsible. There are two kinds of financial troubles; one where you don't live within your budget (overspending) and one where you don't earn enough to afford your basic needs budget (which is where it sounds like he is with choosing to work PT, incurring debt he can't re-pay, and not being aggressive in pursuing more lucrative employment). "I ... save save save for no reason in particular" The answer is probably pretty complicated, but maybe the first step to understanding and respecting his financial choices is better understanding why you make the financial choices you do. I think the OP just chose her words poorly - she means she does not have a concrete goal for the money at the moment beyond continuing her investments and purchasing property in the future, not that she is randomly saving money for no reason. After all, she has positive cash flow, easily covers her half of shared expenses, wants for nothing materially, and has no debts. Saving her money is the only logical choice in that situation.

Your question confuses me. You say your question is "how do i feel good about the fact that my partner doesn't take care of me?" but your real question is "how do I address the fact that my partner has money habits that I think aren't in the best interests of the family?" These questions are on two different planets. First, are you married? My advice entirely hinges on the legal status of your relationship. I'm going to assume you aren't. I'm about to be all sorts of old fashioned but this is why I think the legal obligations of marriage are so so important (and why everyone should be able to marry if they so choose). When you start a family together I firmly believe that everyone needs to be 100% all in. All parties need to operate for the good of the unit. That might mean that you take time off to raise a child while he works full time, or later in life you work full time so he can go back to school. You must both be on the same team. You save and splurge together. (You aren't on the same team if you can do activities that he can't afford.) It means both parties communicate about shared financial goals. It doesn't mean that all money must be pooled, or that you can't have your own accounts, but it does mean you have to be transparent. If you are unmarried this is difficult. While staying at home, you could drain out your savings. He could leave you and that would be it. No marital assets, what's his is his, and you haven't been working so you are left with squat (besides child support). It's not advisable to commingle finances when unmarried because you have 0 protection in the event of a breakup. If this is the case for you, I would continue to operate as independently as possible from your partner. I would only take two years off if I could manage without his money. If I couldn't I would go back to work ASAP. I would also make sure his name is on the birth certificate in case you need a child support order in the future. If you are married, you need to have a big, huge talk and you need to get on the same financial page, pronto. You need a family budget, and collective goals and priorities (even if you have separate accounts). Document your budget and goals and keep track together. Do not frame this as "you need to take care of me." That aspect of your question is troubling. At the end of the day, partners need to rely on each other, and while one might carry a load for awhile, it's really on both of you to figure this out. For example, if you normally make more money, maybe you need to be kicking more money towards your mutual financial goals (that downpayment, for example). But this is why I think it is troubling to have kids before marriage. You can ask for his financial cooperation but neither of you can go "all in" without risking your financial future. Good luck.

"I ... save save save for no reason inparticular" The answer is probably pretty complicated, but maybe the first step to understanding and respecting his financial choices is better understanding why you make the financial choices you do.

If it's any comfort--once my husband became a father, something kicked in and he started earning like a house afire. Up until then, he'd been sort of diligent, but because I made more $$, he would relax and spend time on projects and hobbies. On the other hand, he stayed home with the baby after the first year, largely because I was chomping at the bit to go back to work, and because I could make far more money. If he'd like to be a SAHD, you might entertain the notion. I'm all for taking turns earning, but you have to have ground rules about saving and spending and make sure both parties understand exactly what's happening.

Different families roll different ways. And some of these ways to "roll" are less ideal than other ways. When I read that the OP was in her third trimester, my jaw dropped. If the man is always on his last few dollars so that he cannot afford basic entertainment with the OP, how does he have enough money to support an infant? "Constantly scraping along on his last few pennies" is not my definition of "sole bread winner". "He won't be supporting the 3 of us fully"? Red flag to me.

If your financial life depends on his job and earning potential for the next few years, then the two of you have to sit down as a couple and discuss this before it happens. It sounds like you have very different views on how to approach finances, and while neither one may necessarily be "correct," you have to reach a level of comfort with each others' approaches in order to make this work.

You can embrace your financial independence while still taking issue with the way he handles his finances. It is okay to be angry at him for being an adult who is barely scraping by because he is choosing to work part time, especially in light of the fact that you're about to become parents. There's a lot of things I think we don't know from your question--are you living together? How are your currently splitting joint expenses? If he isn't going to be fully supporting you and the baby while you stay at home, does this mean you will be partially living off your savings? It seems like you feel that this is your responsibility to adjust your feelings about this situation, instead of addressing this with your partner. You need to sit down and address this and come up with a financial plan. as he doesn't choose to work F/T (his idea of lifestyle balance) The lifestyle he should be preparing for is parent, how has he been doing that so far? If the role of sole financial support for the family is not one that he is comfortable with, are the two of you open to other arrangements?