What is a reasonable expectation for couple time?

I started riding a bicycle a few years ago, and if I had my choice, I'd ride more. That riding more would come primarily at the expense of time with my wife. At times, I have ridden a lot and not seen my wife hardly at all for days at a time. She complained about it at one point, and we talked it out, and I pretty much said that although I really like to ride, *she* is my Number One priority. So generally, before I go out for a ride, I ask her first. It is really just a courtesy most of the time and she says to go riding and have a good time. Once in a while, though, she'll say that she'd prefer me to stay home and we spend the evening together. Because the vast majority of the time she doesn't object to my riding, the occasional time that she does, I respect that and do my best to forget that I even considered riding. Before we talked it out, there was clearly a tension between us, almost as if the bicycle was my "mistress". She would sometimes be frustrated because the bike took me away from her when she wanted us to have some together time, and I almost always felt guilty for riding the bike. Now it's all out on the table. She doesn't mind that I ride, as long as she knows that ultimately, she's my Number One priority. We celebrated our 28th anniversary last Sunday, for what it's worth.

I don't want to seem dismissive of your problem, but it absolutely does not matter what other people do. Everybody's partnership is a snowflake. And the more attention and weight you give to "what's usual, what's fair" the less attention you're giving to what is going on between The. Two. Of. You. I'm sure this post will be followed by people giving very sincere advice, and people sharing what they do. But this is what I know, from my own life and sharing the stories of other people: Talk to him. Think about what you want. Talk to him some more. Ask him what he wants. Talk some more. Find the ways that work for the two of you. Good luck! (and the fact that if you really followed my advice you would pay no attention to what I wrote makes my head hurt, so I'm ignoring it.)

Mantoys? Oh, that's not nice. Anyway, you need to read http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/. My husband and I are both different degrees of introverted--he far more than me--and what you describe was pretty much our first year living together, before we both worked at home (which has helped enormously for both of us, since we're not constantly stuck in a cycle of draining socializing/recharging). Having a routine helps us--honestly, for us, usually built around cuddling in front of certain TV shows at the same time every week, so that we know we'll have dedicated time together. So did getting laptops, so we can sit next to each other in our mutual cones of silence staring at the screen. But when it comes down to it, it sounds like you've just got a classic introvert on your hands, and from experience I can tell you that it's going to take a year, maybe two, until he sees your presence as just part of the background noise and not as another draining, demanding person sapping his precious life force away. Do your best not to take it too personally.

I had a boyfriend where after several months, I kind of felt like he'd said to himself, "Girlfriend? Check." And then went about his [own] life. And I am an introvert.

Yup. There's nothing "reasonable" in relationships. If I had it my way, we wouldn't even speak two or three days out of the week! Except when I suddenly want attention. Then if he's on the Internet reading about ancient pottery, doing his thing, I get fussy. (Another secret of living together: the things people do alone at home are horrifying from the outside. YOU BET I want to watch three straight seasons of this terrible TV show, pal! You would never have known if you just hadn't moved in with me....) So, yeah. You just transitioned into living together. You've both been living on your own, doing your own things. That's a radical change. Enjoy it! But I think one of the secrets is to have a full life of your own. Do the things you want to do; invite him along when you want. (I didn't hear anything in this about "seeing people" or "going out with friends" which struck me as notable.) And then, if you want more time, make structured plans. Invite him, in advance, to do things with you, whether it's baking or bill-paying or sex.

The only thing unreasonable is the expectation that there is some universal amount of "couple time" and "alone time" that everyone will agree is reasonable. You have to find something that works for you and your boyfriend.

I'm a pretty introverted introvert. I no longer work away from home, so it's not so big an issue now, but your boyfriend's activities sort of remind me of how I was when I worked in an office. Being around people all day, and having to interact with them, it was exhausting. I rarely had energy for other people, including my ex-husband, when I got home from work. It was really tough, and I didn't really understand that I was an introvert, I thought I was an antisocial freak and that I didn't like spending time with my husband. Maybe he's just set in his ways, not used to integrated another person into his routine, and needs practice. If he's an introvert, it may take some creativity for everyone to have their needs met.

Do you have regular dates where you get out of the house, away from the internet, in a place where you talk or do something together, exclusively, for some good chunk of time? Try scheduling those rather than framing it as a problem with the specific things he does to unwind.

What I find challenging though is the nights where he seems to spend ALL the time on him: That's a totally fine thing to do maybe... once or twice a week, IMHO. Go make your own plans to maximise your own "me" time - take a yoga class, have dinner with a friend or a group of friends weekly, find a late night bookstore. FWIW it sounds like the rest of your time together is very together so I think you're fine.