How do I get a job in San Francisco with a paper-thin resume?

• I'll try to make this brief. I recently turned 23, and due to a combination of drugs and depression since getting out of high school I have essentially no work experience. This makes responding to job postings very frustrating and humiliating as my resume feels like a complete joke. The only work I've done is give piano lessons to a few students from 2010 to the middle of last year, and I worked as one of those sign waving people over the summer but got fired after a few weeks, so I feel like putting such a short stint on my resume is more of a liability than an asset. I don't have many references either, unless I ask some people to completely lie for me. But I hate lying, not because I'm some especially moral and virtuous person; I'm just lazy and it's hard to keep track of lies, and I find being honest to be more easy, but I can't help but feel sometimes that being honest is for suckers. It sucks because yeah, I made some unwise decisions and kinda dicked around for a while but now I'm really trying to become a productive member of society and it seems no one is willing to take a chance on someone like me. But I digress... I guess I'll list some of my skills/assets: I can play piano pretty well, and I gave lessons for a while but as I mentioned previously, based on the lack of responses to the applications I send out being self-employed doesn't mean a whole lot to HR people. I completed just about two years of community college (focusing on music), no degree though. I am fluent in HTML, CSS, JavaScript and PHP (like just about every other person in San Francisco, where I live). So many job postings I see require a year, two years minimum experience, so in a nutshell my question for the hive mind is, besides just outright lying about having a degree, previous jobs, etc, how can I get a job (or 'how can I get income' is what I suppose I'm really asking) without any workplace experience? I haven't done any volunteering either, and no exhortations to see a therapist, please. I don't have a car so I can't easily travel very far outside the city either.

• Answer:

  Just get in the workforce. Don't go so much for jobs where you'd use a resume, but a job application. Blinking and breathing is a good start. When my dad ran a Methodone Clinic, there was a guy there, total junkie, but he could always get a job. Here's what he said. 1. Use a black, felt-tip pen to fill out the application (if it's on-line won't really work) 2. There's always a place on the form for extra information, put three positive statements about yourself, such as: A. I am punctual B. I am reliable C. I enjoy working in teams and I will do whatever it takes to get the job done. That was pretty much it. He always got called, and he always got the job. Kept it too, until he'd go on a bender and disappear. Look for entry-level customer service openings at AT&T, PG&E and other large companies in the city. They just want decently smart folks who can learn what they're taught and can do the job. When I worked for BellSouth in Nashville, they'd hire ANYONE who could pass the test. I'm talking 12 piercings, green mohawk, goth dudes. Didn't matter. Can't see that shit on the phone, and the guy was good on the phone. It's hard, but not impossible.