unemployed and floundering. sometimes i wonder if i'm a mistake.

You need to change your approach to your job search. Now you have a job, it's finding another job. 1. Set your alarm to get up, get showered and get dressed. 2. Commute to your computer. 3. Research the sites every day and apply for jobs. 4. Keep a spreadsheet of your applications, the company, the contact, the job title, the site where you found it. Trust me, when the phone calls start coming in, you'll appreciate it. 5. Volunteer, every afternoon if you can. Have somewhere to be and something to do. Even if you just sit at the desk at the hospital with one of the old ladies directing people to the elevators, you'll be out and doing, and that will help you with your self-esteem. Don't turn on the TV, don't go to time wasting sites, don't get distracted. You're at your job now, and your job is to apply for as many jobs as you can. Customize your resume for each job (somewhat, don't go nuts here.) 2-3 applications a day is very small. Aim for 10 to 20. The more the better. Think outside of your usual realm. I was a telecommunications sales engineer, but the telecommunicaitons industry sucked and jobs were shrinking. So I assessed my skills and applied for: Executive Assistant Customer Service Supervisor Marketing Secretarial Work Anything I could find at all with the Government. The point was, I wasn't picky, I'd apply for ANYTHING, because although I'd had a lofty job, with a great title, awesome benefits and good money, I didn't have it anymore, and I had to find something to keep body and soul together (and to keep me from going nuts and making little outfits for the cats.) Here are my favorite sites for jobs: usajobs.gov Linkein.com Simplyhired.com Careerbuilder.com Monster.com Company Sites that are large corporations in my area (Home Depot, Delta, Coca Cola, etc.) That's it. I hate to say it but it's a numbers game. The more you do, the better your chances. We've all been unemployed, it sucks, and it's hard, but you'll get a new job and you'll survive just fine. Don't let depression and fear paralyze you. Start with one foot in front of the other and keep walking. Hang in there!

Glad to hear your medication issue is worked out! That's a win. but I do have a wonderful roommate/best friend who is trying to help. Being unemployed made me terribly lethargic and unhappy. One of the things that was most helpful was that every day, my boyfriend would talk with me for five minutes each morning and we'd come up with three goals for the day. (Many times, it was more like him giving me assignments; I wasn't even up for giving input.) Those three goals (which could be as simple as go to the grocery store, get out of the apartment before 10AM, write one job search related email) were the plan. Anything else that got accomplished was gravy, and I was officially not allowed to feel bad about the day if I accomplished my goals. Any day where all three goals were complete got a smiley face on the calendar, and I tried to have as many in a row as I could. Could your friend help you with that kind of goal setting?

It's a shitty situation to be in and I know it all too well. I've been getting into and out of it ever since the recession hit. But you're okay, you're smart and employable and you will be able to get out of this. These thoughts you're having about being useless and such are just depression spinning its bullshit yarns. Here's my advice. It's much easier to do everything else when you can keep your spirits up. Try to concentrate on the basic stuff that keeps you on track. Get to bed and wake up at reasonable times -- I find melatonin helps, but YMMV. Get outside every day, even if it's just for a little walk. Try and do some basic exercises, like pressups, situps, running and cycling, and whatever else you have access to and enjoy. Try to eat well, with a modest breakfast and lunch and a supper you cook for yourself, even if it's something simple and quick. Try to take some time in the mornings to think/meditate, to level yourself, lay out a basic plan for the day, and start doing things. The longer you let yourself linger in fuzz and depression, the more likely the day will slip by with nothing done. Start early! Even if you only get a few things done, you're moving forwards, not stagnating. Stay on top of your medical issues. I wish I could say this was easy but if you're in America there'll be all kinds of money and insurance related issues that hopefully others will give you advice with. If at all possible, talk to a doctor or whatever mental health services you have access to, be honest about what you're going through and pursue the options they give you. Structure helps. Keeping track of your progress also helps. What I've found extremely useful for this is to keep a To Do list (on todoist.com), and a spreadsheet (on Google Drive) to keep track of what I've achieved every day. I find it more effective to keep them online rather than on paper, but YMMV. My To Do list is divided into two parts. One is a list of things I need to get done -- Pay Bills, Set up Portfolio, Get Job, and broad goals like this. The other part is a daily list. I take a few of broad goal from the first part, and break them down into the smallest, first steps I need to take, and add a few of them to my daily list. Add in a few regular things like excercise, laundry, etc, until I've got a useful but *achievable* list of things to do that day. It's always tempting to put too many things in the daily list, or make the tasks too big, vague and complex. This just leads to them not getting done. If I'm finding I have days where I'm too shut off and I'm leaving all or most things undone, then I accept it and the next day, I give myself a smaller list and concentrate on getting it done. When I achieve that, then I build from there. Towards the end of the day or sometimes just ad hoc, I write in everything I've achieved into my spreadsheet. (I kind of goofily call it an Achievement Matrix). One row per day, one column each for various categories -- Job Search, Social, Creative, Exercise, Social, Housekeeping, and a few for various specific projects. Anyway, each of those areas -- organization/tracking, wellbeing (excercise, housekeeping) and medical treatment feed into eachother. The bad side of that is the black hole depression can suck you into if everything slips. The flip side of that is how success tends to lead to more success. When things start to improve, you can make it so that leads to more improvement. And once things start to go up exponentially, all the opportunities that are slipping by now will start to fall into your lap. What was hard will become easy. For me, taking care of all that stuff and getting in the right headspace makes it infinitely easier to get through things like job applications. Sometimes, though, you're still feeling low and you've gotta send off job apps anyway. I find it easiest to do that when I break the process into the smallest steps possible and commit to only one at a time. First I'm gonna download the job description. Now I'll read it. Take a little break do something else from my To Do list maybe, then come back to this. Now I'll check if it matches my criteria and my experience matches the requirements. If there are any gaps, can I fill them through study and learning on the fly? (You're smart, so assume yes more than no). Okay, now I'll download any relevant application forms. Now I'll fill out the basic information. Now the work-history and qualifications part. Maybe take a little break as a reward. I'm doing good, I'm not going faster than I can deal with, so I'm not scared to come back to it. Now I'll read through the more complex questions. Now I'll take pick one, think of relevant examples from my experience, and write out a first draft. Now I'll do the same for the rest of the questions. Now I'll go back and revise things, check for errors, and send it. Handling it like that tends to work well for me. Recognise when you're getting stressed and overwhelmed, center yourself, step back and do something else for a while if you need, but stay wary of that urge to give it up, to let it lie until the last minute comes and goes, to follow that sudden whim to do something else that seems so important. When I feel time wasting, I update my spreadsheet with what I've done so far, check my to do list for a reminder on what to do next, and get back to work. Here's my https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0AqZXrx9hHxMPdHYxQjhiLUZTMzNnbG0xLVdRMUNKR2c&usp=sharing with some examples of the stuff I put in it; weekends are highlighted grey, today is highlighted yellow.

But right now I feel like a leech and a loser, and like a fraud, because no one wants to hire me Great practical advice in this thread about how to keep going through this difficult period, so I just wanted to address these feelings specifically with a few points that immediately spring to mind. Point 1: "feeling like" something (anything) is not the same as actually being that thing. Feeling like a loser doesn't actually make you a loser any more than feeling like you're so happy you could fly actually makes you a bird. In other words: don't mistake your feelings for objective reality or a fixed identity. Closely related to that observation is Point 2: the critical voice in your head calling you a loser and a leech is A LIAR. It is a negative monologue/self-talk that is designed to punish or sabotage yourself. Once you start to see it in that light, you can begin to simply observe it as a thing that your brain is doing, not as any sort of objective narration of your life. That is, you can catch yourself doing it and gently bring yourself back to reality -- for example, you might say to yourself something like "there I go again, telling tales about myself. It's okay that I'm feeling frustrated and scared, but I know I'm not a loser." (This is basically the technique of mindfulness.) Finally, Point 3 (and this is where I get on my soapbox for a minute): my hunch is that this critical voice calling you a loser may be an echo of a deeply ingrained "blame the victim" social-political ideology in this country, in which anyone who runs into hard times for any reason, ever, is somehow to blame, either because they made The Wrong Decision (and therefore Deserve To Pay The Price) and/or they are A Bad/Lazy/Immoral Person (and therefore Don't Deserve Any Help or Sympathy). This mindset (basically, it's "by your bootstraps" taken to the extreme) is a necessary precondition for shredding the social safety net, objecting to expanding access to healthcare, refusing to extend benefits for the unemployed, etc. It's a kind of callous, reactionary indifference to the sufferings of our fellow human beings (and ourselves), and I encourage you to actively refuse to internalize it any longer. Bottom line: you are a human being and are deserving of dignity and respect. You have worked hard since college and are doing the best you can under historically difficult circumstances. Remind yourself of this -- kindly and lovingly -- as much as necessary every day.

Look, your employment problems are almost certainly primarily from the current economic malaise ("jobless recovery") and don't signify that you are a "leech and a loser". Try to cut those feelings off at the knee. I know it's easy for me to say that, not being in your position, but you're just making a bad situation worse.

I have been unemployed for an extended period of time (quit my job when my SO got a job in our home state and we moved), and I totally empathize. It's the worst. I completely 100% relate to your thought-cycle - job searching feels like such a futile effort when you're not getting any success! And writing cover letters are the worst. I honestly think the best thing that I did for my job searching was to make my resume and cover letter the best they can be. I was really really resistant but I finally hired a resume coach, and it's made a world of difference - I've had several interviews and an offer (still negotiating the salary, etc for that offer, but it's a solid offer). Once I felt confident about my resume and cover letter, it made it much easier to apply for jobs. Although I sometimes have to tweak them a little bit for each application, I now have three standard resumes (for the three types of jobs I am targeting) and a generic cover letter that is easy to customize to the job. I can't say enough good things about Jason at http://resumetointerviews.com/ Also I highly recommend working on your networking. LinkedIn can be a powerful thing, because if you find that you have a connection to a company, you can email the person and see if they can get you to the hiring manager or recruiter. If it's a second-degree connection, I'll email the person I know and say something like "I'm looking at job x at company y, and I see you know person z there. I think this would be a good fit for me because of a, b, and c, and I've attached my resume. Is z someone you'd feel comfortable reaching out to on my behalf." Also LinkedIn can be kinda fun, going through the "people you may know" and clicking on them. One thing that was really helpful for me was to focus on the submitting of the applications instead of getting the job. It was easier to celebrate those concrete successes. In terms of getting the temp agencies to pay attention to you, see if anyone you know has ever worked with them before. I've been working with several recruiters and I got the most immediate attention when someone I knew had worked with one and I could email the recruiter directly and say "so and so recommended that I contact you." Don't just show up though, you can't do that with any company anymore. Are you looking at just "temp agencies" or general recruiters?

I was in your situation for 2 years on and off. I eventually got work through a temp agency, and I can happily say I'm currently diddling off at work as a full-time regular employee. The worst part about this unemployment black hole, is that you feel like you must constantly be punishing yourself. As if the payment for unemployment assistance or family assistance must be a daily routine of self-flogging. I felt as if I couldn't do things I enjoyed, like painting or drawing, even though those things are nearly free. Every hour I wasn't seeking work was an hour wasted, or so I thought. And even if I was so down I couldn't job-hunt, I couldn't even allow myself to do something fun instead. This was also where I really came to understand that I am an extroverted person, and being alone 8 or 10 hours a day wasn't helping thing either, but going to a coffee shop meant I might spend $2 on a tea, which I wasn't allowing myself either. My advice is to cut yourself a break. You are employable. Even if you weren't you still have worth. The notion of "work ethic" it is pretty fully programed into my, and it sounds like your, psyche. It is important to know that this is a construct that often benefits people at the top, and not some inherent worthiness rubric. There is a myth that jobs/success/fortune come to those who work hard—that America is a meritocracy. This is false. If the job market has a demand for you (and it does) work will come to you unless you are pretty damned incompetent or if you give up entirely. There is also a myth that applying for jobs equals getting a job. This is basically false. Networking, nepotism, temp agencies, being in the correct place at the correct time through alignment of planets or divine intervention, might just get you a job. But, I think there is still value in applying for jobs. If nothing else, you can say to yourself "look what I've done!" I think a good way to do that is to keep paper copies of things. A huge sent folder in your email is too ephemeral. Towards the end of my unemployment I started keeping a binder. In the front pocket I'd keep job postings I'd printed off. I would print everything remotely tangible. I made a template that listed the employer, job title, important points I should hit in my cover letter and how I should skew my resume to emphasize, the date I applied for it, a follow up number if I could find one, and a date I should follow up by. Also handy to track any user accounts/passwords if needed to apply online. As I worked through my prospects stack, I went over each job posting, highlighting important points, filling out my template, then sending in the application and filing the posting along with the resume and cover letter I sent. I used this to make applying to jobs easier. I didn't have to spend all the mental energy at once, I could do it in pieces, and track my progress on each application. I also could look at the stack of paper (it eventually overfilled a one inch binder) and say "fuck off" to anyone, including myself, who thought I wasn't trying hard enough.

I was just laid off a few weeks ago. I'm really struggling with how to handle my days now, and that you were able to get up and get showered every day for such a long time shows a lot of self-discipline and resilience. I think that's pretty impressive. There are two problems here - you need a job, and you are feeling pretty badly. It's worthwhile to do something to address your moods and your bad feelings because they are clearly getting in the way of your jobs search. So it's ok to make that a priority. Can you exercise in your home? Jumping jacks, pushups, jogging in place, yoga, and sit-ups if nothing else. Go outside everyday. Volunteer. Go to free stuff in your city. Go to thrift stores. Get coffee with friends. I think the isolation and sameness of spending every day inside starts to get to you after a while. I was recently advised to spend about 30 hours a week on job-hunting. Less than that and you might not see results; more than that is too much. Good luck!

The "three hours to write a cover letter" bit in particular caught my eye because I know exactly what you mean. I don't know what it is about them that feels so difficult. No matter how long I spend on them, they just never feel quite...right. When I was in a similarly "blocked" situation I borrowed my husband's approach to cover letters, which I will paraphrase below.Dear Colleague, Enclosed is a copy of my resume for position of [job title]. I have over [number] years of experience in [industry], the last [however many] years focusing on [subfield]. I have a proven track record of [major job requirements or career accomplishments]. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. I look forward to hearing from you. Sincerely, [name]It's not the most elegant solution, no, but it fulfilled the application requirements and got the damn thing off my desk and into the employer's hands, which I figured was much more important. You can draft a cover letter template that's more targeted or creative or whatever later, when you have more mental stamina. Also, is there anything you can work on that's job search-related even if it's not explicitly applying to jobs? I applied to tons of jobs online everyday, but quickly discovered that there are only so many times you can cycle through the same old tired online job postings, and it can be really demoralizing to log on every day and see nothing new. For my part, that meant I contacted recruiters, researched companies, conducted a ton of informational interviews, applied to temp agencies, taught myself software that I'd slacked on learning while I had a job, sought out people in my field on social media and began conversations with them, and so on. Not all of it always amounted to anything—in fact, a lot of leads fizzled out eventually, but it was really critical to my self-esteem and mental health that I felt like I was doing something, anything, to better my situation and make myself the most desirable employee possible even if nothing came of it. Here is a previous answer I wrote about http://ask.metafilter.com/136209/I-hated-my-job-but-now-that-I-got-let-go-I-feel-even-worse#1947166. When I was in that situation, I spent four consecutive hours every weekday actively looking for work, and not a second more. I really like ocherdraco's comment about setting three goals for each day. And yes, being unemployed in winter totally sucks, no two ways about it. Hang in there! Spring is coming.