Need advice on my personal life affecting my career.

I don't think you need tough love. I think you have behaved as could be expected for the challenges you've been through, and I don't think that you have destroyed your career at all. You should get credit for being a great employee for many years and should not be judged so harshly based on what happened in the past few months. Your boss made this personal because he has some sort of feelings for you outside of your work roles. I am just paraphrasing what you've already said, because I agree with you. I think you're perceptive and I think you can do what you like with the job. They're not offering you what you want and it sounds like you've gone as far as you can go at this company. Leaving sounds like a good option. Best of luck and don't be too hard on yourself.

Do not make any drastic moves in the wake of this. The first employee at a growing company, who has been there for 10 years and occupies a senior position, should have far more leeway than you're being given and be treated more professionally. The lack of such is a reflection of the creepiness of your boss - your instincts there are not wrong. His behaviour with respect to that review was not right. I do think you should consider moving on, once your personal situation has stabilized. If you do not want to be a manager, there surely would be senior scientist positions available to you elsewhere in a larger pharma or biomed company. You may in fact need to accept a pay cut for that move, as not being a manager means you're further down the chain, but I would only do so in a move that otherwise is beneficial for you personally. Doing so at your current company is not the way to go. You need to get out of there. You should look at big pharma companies that have a presence in the US but that are also big or HQ'd overseas. For immigration purposes it may be easier for them to hire you here and then ship you over there at some point down the line.

Career strategy only You were promoted from a technical position up to a manager position and it did not go well. They want to demote you. So now you are officially burned at that company. You can't go back and rejoin the technical team (take a lesser position at lower pay). From everything I have observed in life, that would be an untenable situation for yourself and for others. For starters, the next manager won't want you around. And even if you are totally supportive, you will still inadvertently split the unity of the team and be up to your neck in politics. You can't unring that bell. I would advise that you start looking for a technical position with a new employer. Play up the angle that you realized you love the technical side of things. They will understand and give you the baggage-free chance that would not be possible with your current employer. In the meantime, continue as manager as best you can until you are terminated or otherwise paid to leave. If forced into the demotion, refuse to accept it. They can fire you or you can offer your resignation. Don't accept the demotion, though. It is better to make a clean break.

My friends who work in Big Corporate experienced the similar productivity reductions after divorces or other life-altering events but were more “invisible” and not punished. Exactly. Your boss was unsympathetic. Worse, he was WAY across the line between professional complaints and personal complaints. Whom you confide in has nothing to do with your professional performance. He should be helping you find ways to perform at your best during this difficult time (e.g., go down to 80% time so you have more time to deal with attorneys). he expressed his disappointment that I “let the guy win” by sabotaging my job Wow, this is super screwed up. That's across the line, too. He can talk about your behavior -- "we need to be able to depend that you'll be here by 10 am every day. You came in late 3 days last week. That's a problem. Things can't continue like that." But he's saying way too much and being way too judgy about you. If he wants you to be there by 10 am, or to adopt some other behavioral change, okay. Beyond that, it's none of his business. Some of what he's saying sounds awfully critical, blaming, and punitive. Not to get all Psych 101 on you, but is there some kind of minor narcissistic abuser dynamic with him too? Is his real problem with you that you've started focusing on your own well-being instead of making him / the company Priorities # 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 in your life? Good luck. I hope you can find a good next workplace.

Get a recomendation for an employment attorney and have a consultation. Everything fingersandtoes said. This is nuts and your barometer is WAY off. Your work is more valuable than you think, your employer is more NUTZ than you think. Talk to professional and get some opinions on your next move.

I'd hold off on relocating to other countries, especially if you don't already have established support systems there. It's quite tempting to just up and leave all of your problems, but you won't be able to leave your feelings, and you may find yourself feeling even more alone. If you're dead set on moving, you'll need to find a job that qualifies to sponsor you for a visa. It will have had to have been advertised in that country and the EU and you may have to prove that you have qualifications that no other EU applicant has. If I were you, and I were wanting to move, I'd stay in the same country but pick somewhere I hadn't been yet. I've discovered that, for me, Europe is a place to vacation, not to live. I don't think you need tough love; I think you need to be more understanding with yourself. It's not your fault that your partner turned out to be a piece of shit. That's on him. You got out of there and proved you're a survivor. As for the work problem, go easy on yourself there, too. We've all been less than stellar at our jobs before--and some of us don't even have legitimate hardships to blame. Forget about your boss and his (at best) emotional manipulation and (at worst) emotional blackmail. You need to focus on your own needs; he certainly is.

First of all, you didn't destroy your career. You had a shitty year. It happens and you're doing an amazing job of recovering. I had to sell a house and move because of a very similar dynamic with my boss. There was an under-current of something, but it got very weird and uncomfortable. I never regretted transferring to another gig. Start networking and getting your resume out there. Apply for positions that you believe would be a good fit. If you have specialized experience, you won't have too hard a time finding a position. I like recommending positions with the https://www.usajobs.gov/JobSearch/Search/GetResults?Keyword=Ph.d+Biomedical&Location=&AutoCompleteSelected=False&search.x=62&search.y=14. There are 8 jobs open right now for someone with a Phd in Biomedical Sciences. You can find companies overseas in countries you're interested in working in, and if you're a rare enough commodity, they'll hire you, even if they have to sponsor you. Your self-esteem took a beating, but your boss is being an ass. Given everything you've been through in the past year, it's a miracle you didn't have a nervous breakdown and curl up into a ball in the corner. Keep working where you are until you get another job, then fly out of there and don't look back!

a private company that provides biomedical products to the healthcare industry There are several of these in Ireland, especially in the west: Cork and Galway, which is a lovely place to live. They are mostly US owned forms and with your experience this is entirely do-able and the company will take care of the residency paperwork. Call and ask HR today! Give yourself something to look forward to and work on that is entirely about making yourself happy for now.

As fingersandtoes above noted, one of the most important bits of this Ask is The Review. It would be worth loads to you -- and to us, in the accuracy of our responses here, absolutely to your work with any future therapist -- to have a copy of that review on tape. Shadings, inflections of tone and/or volume of either or both of you in that review -- as best I can see it, if there is any tough love to be given you in response to your Ask, it's in suggesting you ask yourself if you've read both yourself and your boss accurately. You've been pounded into the dirt, both professionally (continuing in a management role when ill-suited, that's just pure hell, and I know it from the inside, I've done it also) and so obviously in your personal life, broken down and beaten in your marriage. Being beaten down as you have, it'd be amazing to me if you're not seeing anything said to you -- and/or anything you might say to others, or yourself -- as negative, as hateful, as denigrating. I'm lucky enough to have a sortof mentor in my life, and anytime I tell him that Melvin thinks I'm A Big Fat Jerk or Myrtle is looking at me with eyes of abject contempt, he reminds me how often I've misread this scenario or that situation, and that Melvin and/or Myrtle might think I'm really just swell. So there's that. As I read your Ask, I just was saddened as hell. We can't take it on for each other, either, even if/when we'd want to -- I know for a fact that everyone reading this Ask would want to take some of your pain, would be willing to take it on, even if just for an hour, to give you some release, respite, surcease the damn ache that you're living just now. Life can be such a fucker -- you're right, too, dead on target in stating that life is NEVER what we think it will be and planning is often quite futile. You didn't plan on stepping into a land-mine marriage, I'd bet if we saw your wedding day photos, neither you nor your soon-to-be-ex hadn't a clue what was coming, I'm sure it was a joyous day. You may find -- tens years time, some future therapists office -- you may find that you had clues what might happen in that marriage, small red flags waving, maybe even waving urgently, or maybe even big red flags waving urgently, but we just can't know what those damn flags mean until later, and while we'll never walk that particular road again, it sure wasn't our fault we didn't know the symbols of the flags, not just yet. Meanwhile, back here on the ranch, life is moving as it will, and you're in it, wondering wtf. I'm so happy for you -- I want to say proud of you but that's not exactly right, maybe a combo of happy for you and proud of you -- I'm so happy that you said "Um, nope." when less money was thrown in front of you. THAT was a dick move, on his part -- wtf. But not you, you didn't roll. You're strong. You've got guts, at core level. I mean, I really just love that. Every one of us here wants to buy you a hat. Wants to sit with you and be happy about that with you, and tell you about it, tell you that you just flat rock. Because you do. Furniture? Stuff? Who gives a rats ass. Let it go. Far more afoot here than a damn couch or pan. There's couches and pans all over the place. China churms out couches and pans out @ fourteen bucks a pop anymore, let it go. If there any paintings involved or other art and/or anything really close of yours -- a sweater your grandmother knit you, a painting of yours that really nails who you were in college -- that sort of thing is worth grieving, but worth the price if it gets you away from that sickened marriage. Plus I'm betting you got anything you really cared about on the day you waved him goodbye. I hope so. New job? My take -- and you did ask me, so there -- stay there until some of the aftershocks in your life quit trembling you. You may find that this new gig is so much a better fit -- sure looks to me that it is. Your ego is going to be hurt maybe but I say let your ego be hurt, ego is a totally annoying bastard any-old-ways and here's a big chance to thumb your nose at it when it tries to poke you in the eye. Which it will, particularly w/r/t your co-workers, who used to be your reports. I've a friend here in town who was "demoted" autumn last year, and took it hard -- for about twelve minutes, until she opened her eyes and saw that all of her reports now were someone elses problem/responsibility, plus she was making the exact same money she was before. Truth be told, it was a promotion, though hierarchically it was A Bad Thing on the org chart. Screw the org chart. Go to work and do your work. Your boss, that whole thing will settle down as the aftershocks of everything else settle. Of course he's a big fat mess and acts weird -- he's a human being, same as the rest of us. (Take a look at a dog, you'll never see a dog needing to dress up in scuba gear to have an intense orgasm, it's people that are nuts.) Who knows what was going through his mind, probably not him, maybe him least/last of all. I don't see -- I can't see -- how he could not love you and no, I'm not talking about scuba gear love but rather just plain old non-fat yogurt type human love, same as anyone would have for anyone else who has worked with them in the trenches side by side, and made their company prosper, thus given them the money to pay the orthodontist for their kids etc. Who knows why he was crying, maybe a combo of yogurt love and sadness for the hell of your marriage and maybe he can't stand the woman you've confided in and yeah, could be he's jealous of that, too, in either a scuba or yogurt way. No way of knowing, not now anyways. Maybe he had gas? No way of knowing, and likely he's aghast about it all, too, probably thinking back on that review of yours he poises a razor over his wrist. Just let me whole job thing ride, is all, at least six months, be cossetted there, rest in what you've built, which is huge. Last. I've seen this time and again, where people getting out of truly horrific relationships have the worst time letting go of them, and then feel stupid, and guillty about why should they be so torn and lost over leaving this horror-show. Here's the news: In these broken, sickened relationships, there is an intimacy that is unbelievable. Because you have shown each other pieces of yourselves that are rarely shown to others, very rarely seen in the course of the everyday. He's unmasked to you his rage, he's shown you the face of his guts where they stink from rot. And you've shown him your face, letting him see you totally humbled, staying, holding there even in the face of his raging and violence. It's not a healthy intimacy but it is a remarkably intense intimacy. With your husband you've shared an intense human situation. Yes, of course it's broken humanity, but it's damn sure humanity. It's this intimacy that holds people, binds them, gets them to stay. It's why it's easier to leave a healthy relationship than a sick one. I don't know if this is the case for you and for him but I felt/feel bound to say it here; I've just seen it so much over the years, and seen the confusion wrought by it. I wish you the best, totally. Good things are coming your way, brighter days. If I could I'd tell you face to face, buy you a coffee and hash it out; this is close as I can do to that. Good luck.