Abusive consultant pushes my buttons

I have a general "no assholes" rule around work. Once you let it happen once, all you are left with are assholes and people who can't get a job anywhere else. You do have some power here, your company is his customer and the customer has a lot of power in these relationships. Don't be a pushover, don't let your emotions get the best of you when you talk with him and your management. Stop him the next time this happens and say "This is inappropriate behavior, esp for a consultant who wants to keep our business." No one is allowed to yell at you at work, let alone some hired consultant. Can you get the team to provide a united front to management?

Start working on your resume. Based on the evidence you've presented, this is an uphill battle. Is this the hill you want to die on? (the answer may well be yes.) You've said your boss avoids confrontation, they blame the messenger where you work, and he's never gone to bat for you. If you blow up at this consultant, you will be seen as the problem. Document, document, document. Build your case for how he is negatively affecting morale. Talk with the others - are *they* willing to go to bat and speak on your behalf, if you start this? If they say no, then, honestly, don't even bother presenting to your boss. Just find another job as soon as possible. Even if they are on your side... start looking anyway. Better to have the options. If you get your coworkers behind you, and you've built your case on documented incidents which are backed up by their words, and your framing how this hurts the company, then the next issue is to find a solution to present to them. Not just "these consultants are unprofessional and hurting our business" but "here's how I propose to solve the problem (look at xyz competitors who are at same or below rate and known for their professionalism blah blah)." Once you have that, then when you're at the planning stage for the next fundraiser (i.e. immediately after one has finished), give it your best shot. But be prepared with an exit strategy, because I think you know in your gut that they might take the coward's way out - and you need to know how you will respond, whether it's hunkering down and sucking it until you can get another job, or calmly resigning on the spot.

Oh, good grief. You're talent, which means you get to play the diva card any time you like. No extraneous people in the control booth. Certainly no laptops showing extraneous video. No talking in the control booth. Out, out, out--NOW! (and you shove him out the door) Basically, tolerate nothing and be the bigger asshole. What's he going to do, complain to management?

His presence and behavior in the control room booth seems to be the most pressing issue here. Perhaps focus on solving this particular problem first. Does he have to be in the control room for any practical purpose? If so, can you and whoever else on your team will be in there lay down the law before your segment? "OK, the next two hours are gonna go like this: No yelling. No distractions just before we go on air. I don't tell you how to do your job; you don't tell me how to do mine. Capice?" There's no need to be nice or diplomatic; just be calm, low-voiced, direct. If he doesn't have to be in the room during the show, can you find a way to ensure that he is otherwise occupied during your segment? Can you manager at least sack up for this ONE small request? "Manager, I'm finding my show goes much better when Sir Pricks-A-Lot isn't in the booth. It's in our best interest to have him out of there." In general, my experience with bullies is that a quiet, strong, direct, sort of squinty-eyed approach works best with dick-swingers. No soft, diplomatic "When you do this, I feel that..." stuff. "Knock it off. We're going on air." Get in touch with your inner Clint Eastwood.

He never mentioned it because he avoids confrontation, and has never gone to bat for me on any issue since I've worked there. I've dealt with an abusive coworker, and the reality is that unless your boss is 100% on your side--and it doesn't sound like this guy is--they tend to be afraid of the person, even if it's an employee, and mostly want to hunker down and placate the abuser. Because I had to suck it up and deal with that particular situation, I actually turned to short-acting anti-anxiety meds (i.e. benzos) and a lot of drinking after work. I don't recommend that course of action at all, unless you genuinely need the job to live. If possible start living as frugally as possible, saving, and looking for a new position. Having an eye on the door will make it so much better. It'll also give you something to focus on besides your dread of working with this guy. Even if the jobs aren't completely suitable or are in a crappy location, getting a response to your application or an invitation for an interview does wonders for your self-esteem in situations like this. You are a valuable member of your workplace, and I'm very sorry that your immediate supervisor doesn't see this.

Since you guys are the ones hiring the consultants, there's no way you should be kowtowing to his bullshit. If your boss isn't willing to step up and set limits, then there's no reason why you and your coworkers couldn't. I'd stick to simple direct responses delivered calmly and matter of fact: "That's not appropriate". "That's really offensive". "I'd appreciate it if you address the whole team". "There is no reason to raise your voice". "This isn't an appropriate time". "I can't have you in the control booth right now". What's the worst thing that can happen? He doesn't take the gig next time it's offered?

I handled an issue with a coworker that my boss was unwilling to address. My read on it wasn't that his desire to stay uninvolved was less about favoritism than it was about not giving a shit, and that I probably had some leeway to throw a proverbial elbow or two, which I did, and the coworker backed off. I would recommend against popping off at the guy, though, since it usually makes you wind up looking kind of ridiculous, there's nowhere to go after that, and if the guy's an asshole, he'll probably enjoy it. It's not like it is in the movies. I think a better way to respond directly is to slow your speech down, get VERY close, speak softly, and stay the adult. The tactics you use are going to be particular to your situation, but if it's a matter of your boss simply not caring or having backbone, I'd encourage you to fill the power vacuum by managing up. The key is always to have things figured out a few moves ahead of whoever you're dealing with, whether it's your boss, the consultant, or your coworkers. I think this definitely means building consensus among your coworkers and presenting a united front, and advocating for a new consulting firm. One idea would be to get a new consultant into the building to make a direct pitch to your boss, perhaps in the presence of your team. If your boss is non-confrontational, you might be able to get him to commit to the new consultant (since he doesn't like to say no). This makes the breaking of the bad news to the current consultant something that he has to do later, and makes him look good in front of his subordinates. So I need to present the issue so as to persuade them that they should help ME out, because I'm their employee and they care about me (I'm not sure how true this is). I think you'll get better results if you frame the issue in terms of how it affects the organization. Another problem is his favortism - he picks one person he likes and addresses all his instructions to them. See if you can get this person to call the guy out on this habit when he's doing it.

I think your first step is to document his behavior, and if your coworkers are like-minded, get them to document it too. If he behaves inappropriately, register a complaint with your boss. You don't have to ask him to fire the guy, just build a history of complaints. It will help if your coworkers do, too. Educate yourself on relevant words that will ding his workplace harassment radar. Don't threaten or exaggerate, but don't spare the details. Ask him if you have to work with Svengali again, you'd like some input about how to minimize the damage he does. The other thing that might help is to frame it to your boss as, "I understand this guy gets results, but he behaves inappropriately toward women." Or, "he has harassed Joanne and Claire more than once, doing X, Y, and Z." Basically, you're standing up for the rest of your team, not just yourself. I suspect the way you're going to effect change is not to get your boss to do something nice for you, but to save his own skin. He doesn't want a lawsuit. He doesn't want to be perceived as so ineffective that you take it up the ladder and make it about him ("Dear HR manager, my boss is so incompetent that he has repeatedly hired this consultant who sexually harasses the staff even though we have complained multiple times.")

What about not being the messenger? Did you ever tell him calmly and directly that there is really no need to yell, it is counterproductive and we can hear each other just fine? Can you get together with all your colleagues before their arrival and set some ground rules, #1 of which is "We do not yell here." And then if he proceeds to yell, each individual can remind him that we do not yell here, and then shrug and ignore his freakouts. This is really childish and unprofessional behavior on his part and if he were good at his job I would think he wouldn't have to yell. Sometimes it helps me if I remember this when dealing with difficult people who bring hostility into the workplace - don't take it personal, it's not about you, this person has a problem that is hurting their career and can't do much for their personal life either. I would find it easier to respond in an even-tempered way if I regarded them both as something of a curiosity - wow, what's wrong with them that they're so rude and awful? Sucks to be them! I bet they magically find difficult work environments and poor customer service and have a miserable time absolutely everywhere they go because they're so mean to everyone. Don't focus on how they behave toward you personally. The guy probably only likes people who kiss his ass and otherwise signal they're OK with his abusiveness. I have never dealt with a person who yelled at me, but have dealt with negative, hostile, bullying types. What helped me was to not react other than to respond in a friendly, cheerful manner without backing down or apologizing for anything, so they could tell I really wasn't thrown off by their attitude (when it was a manager who I certainly couldn't talk back to). They would just find someone else to pick on. Or when it's a coworker on an equal level, I just ignore it and go back to work, or take a coffee break and go for a quick walk around the building and remind myself that they're always like that & thank god I'm not married to them.