How to break up with needy girlfriend?

This suggestion may get me some flak from other responders, but I think that there is a point where if you haven't been allowed to communicate your feelings, the person who is shutting you out loses the right to be told. What I mean is - you have been miserable, and she's not letting you have the talk with her that you so desperately want to have. You want to leave, so leave - you don't have to tell her, or get her permission. Find another place to live, and move. If you have to move while she's out at work so that she doesn't throw a fit and mess up your future life the way she's been messing up the present, then so be it. If you want to be kind, you can write her a decent break-up letter that gently explains why you had to go, but send it to her after you are gone. What she is doing is emotionally manipulating you, and that only works if you let it. also, what everyone else things of her and you is not your problem, they aren't in your shoes.

Oh man. I'm sure other people will chime in with logistics, but for now, please remember that YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER FEELINGS. She's an adult, and she chooses how to react to her situations. No matter how upset she gets, its NOT your fault. I know that even just posting this was brave of you, and that's the courage you can rely on to get through this.

I have been through this. It was with a young woman I really cared about, and our relationship was often quite good. But when it wasn't, it was awful. She was constantly upset with me over things that made no sense to me. She once had a crying jag at a theater when I accidentally knocked over her purse; we had to leave. She got very angry at me when I went through a revolving door before she did, claiming it was very rude, and that it was an example of what she saw as a chronic lack of manners on my part -- a claim that surprised me greatly, as I went through a phase when I was younger when I obsessively read etiquette books, and am considered by most to be exceptionally well-mannered. I double-checked, and, yes, according to Emily Post, men are supposed to go through revolving doors to get it started for a lady, for whatever reason. But pointing out that according to etiquette books I was right didn't assuage her feelings at all. She was horrifically jealous of my female friends and would fly into rages over the most innocuous things. Communication between me and her broke down constantly, resulting in screaming fights, something I do not enjoy and make me feel awful. I would try to get away from the fight and she would insist I remain, because we had to "work through it," which was impossible, because there was no resolution. I knew it would be awful if I broke up with her. I knew she would take it very hard. And I cared very much for her, as I said -- when she wasn't awful, she was very sweet and fun and we had some marvelous times together. I believe that after we broke up she was diagnosed as being bipolar, which I suspected, but she was refusing to address it during the relationship. Eventually, after a year, I just broke down one day and told her I couldn't do it anymore. If she was not going to work on whatever was making her act like that toward me, I was the only one working on it, and I couldn't fix it. I told her the relationship was over. And she took it as hard as I thought. We didn't talk for several months. She didn't leave her bed for a week. But she finally contacted me and we had a talk about trying to start over as friends, which we still are. And a month later, she started dating somebody else, and he broke up with her after two weeks, and she spent another week in bed, sobbing. Which made me realize her reaction to my breaking up with her had very little to do with me. I had thought, with the amount of time we had dated (a year), my breakup would have been more significant that her breakup with some stranger she dated very briefly, but instead it was as though she was just locked into an emotional pattern, where whoever breaks up with her, however long she has dated, she'll take to bed for a week. And that helped a lot, because I realized that, while I am sure there was some sadness on her part for the end of our relationship (there was on my part as well), a large majority of her emotional reaction had nothing to do with me at all. Breaking up with her seemed like the hardest thing in the world until I did it, and then, when it was happening, it seemed necessary and inevitable and I wasn't sure what I had been so scared of. And, as I said, this is a person I still like and care about very much, and I honestly think that, had we not broken up, there would have been no chance of us maintaining a friendship this long.

If she has her own apartment and "50.000$ in the bank" and you've got somewhere to go you've solved all the problems. Just do it.

"How shocked can she possibly get?" she can hurt herself and call the police accusing you of it. When you tell her you're leaving she can say "what about the baby?" She can trash all your stuff. Get all your important papers, computer etc out right now. Change passwords, get credit monitoring going, etc. After you break up you should not see her, and she may not give your friend access to get the rest of your stuff, so if you can, move everything out while she is not home. Then you could wait for her outside, and it's a simple "I was not happy with you, I'm already out." Protect yourself when you tell her, either with friends near by, or a recorder.

How to I break her heart without feeling like the worst human in the world? From what you've written here, it sounds like you've spent the past year and a half regularly feeling like the worst human in the world. It might escalate briefly, but once you're broken up, your life will be your own again. You are not responsible for her reactions, but you are responsible for your actions - so do what you know will make you happy. Get out of this relationship and never look back. If you need extra impetuous - it will be better for her too in the end. You're not going anywhere together as a couple. You do not want to marry her, you do not want to have children with her. If she wants either of those things, she'll need to not be with you to get them. And you know it's true - even if she's not willing to accept it, your relationship is terrible, and she is as stuck in it as you are right now. Be the one to free you both up to continue with your lives without this vortex of drama.

You need a plan and then you need to get out. There's no way this will be civil, so protect yourself from Dramaz. 1. When she's at work, move your shit out. Totally out, to another location. 2. Change your phone number, block your Facebook, etc. 3. Wait until she gets home that evening. Give her back her key and say, "I'm sorry, I've been unhappy for a long time, and I'm leaving. I know it hurts and I wish you well. Then leave and don't look back. There's nothing left to say and there's no way you can prepare her for this. The woman goes off when you buy the wrong herb. Unless you're looking for drama and a fight, just clear out and stay out.

Keep buying Cilantro. Seriously. You need to be nastier. Make her dump you. Give yourself a holiday from being a nice guy. Do all those things you've read about men doing in feminist novels. Your relationship will soon be terminated. Oh lord, no. Don't do this. I was an observer to a (now ex-) friend trying to get his wife to divorce him in this fashion. Two years of mind games and provocations between two unhappy people just so he didn't have to be the one to pull the trigger and initiate "the talk". Prepare your exit. Know where you're going to go. Pack your stuff. Rehearse the speech. Deliver it. Brook no change in plan. Just rip the bandaid.

First off, THIS IS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. Her controlling behavior, her constant verbal smackdowns --- she is abusing you, she is emotionally holding you prisoner, and she is using all that drama and crying to manipulate you into doing whatever she wants. You deserve better, and you deserve a life of your own. If you DON'T already live together: just flat-out tell her it's over --- don't try to have a formal discussion, that's never worked before: just say it's over and GO. Crisis in her family? She's got a new job? Locked herself in the bathroom crying? NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Literally walk out the door and GO. Hell, tell her it's over by text or email if you have to, but cut the cord. Then, do not accept ANY texts, emails, phone calls, visits or anything else: cut her off cold turkey. If she has any keys to your place, change the locks. If you DO live together: okay, this one will be harder, but it's certainly still doable. First off, figure out where you can go --- temporarily move in with your parents, a sibling or a friend if you have to, until you can get a place of your own. (But don't wait until you DO have that place of your own: get out NOW.) If you have to, move your stuff out without warning while she's at work; if you have to couch-surf, shove your stuff in a rented storage unit --- do NOT expect to ever again see anything you leave behind, get everything you want to keep out now. Again, don't try to have a formal discussion, just GO, and cut off all contact cold turkey. You don't have to tell her where you are, and you are not responsible for her behavior, her drama or her life --- you are only responsible for YOU. Take care of yourself!