Career indecision-sonographer or PA? Where does baby fit in? Urgent!

acornsarebrown, as a medical professional, you hold people's lives in your hands. If you weren't terrified, I would worry about you.

If two options seem roughly equal, but one is markedly higher prestige, choose the LESS prestigious option. Somebody on mefi said that, and it really stuck with me. I can't find the exact quote now. But the idea is that status and prestige warp our judgement in ways we are not even aware of. So I'd go with sonography. I'm a 43 yr old female pharmacist, and I had my first kid when I was doing prerequisites for pharmacy school at age 33. He turns 10 next month. My younger kid (age 6) was born between 2nd and 3rd year of pharmacy school. In the 10 yrs between where you are now and where I am now, my perceptions changed in ways that are pretty common, I think. * Status gets less important. I mean, you are 35. Your friends and family are as impressed with you as they are going to get. Some jackass can always find ways to make you feel less-than, it's unavoidable. So focus on being proud of what you actually are, and most people around you will take their cue from that. * You get freaking TIRED. I used to have the ability to pull all-nighters, and I wasted it on college. Oops. Conserve your energy. * Once children show up, they become VERY important. Career motivation goes down. My children are getting more brilliant and competent with every passing day. The same is not true of my co-workers. * $70K is a lot of debt. My debt is not quite as high as an MD's, but it's > $100K and it does limit you. * Your fertility markedly declines around age 35. If you guys can get pregnant the easy way, well... the easy way is easier. I think you need to try really hard to take the status of being a PA out of the equation. In most people's 30's status is a big issue. Then suddenly in your 40's, you just cease to give a shit. It's like how romantic drama can seem so compelling when you are a teenager, then suddenly becomes tedious when you are an adult.

I want to also qualify my response by saying I'm a physician, and when I was in medical school and residency and fellowship training I knew plenty of people who said "oh, I can't have a baby now, I'm doing my rotations" or "I can't have a baby now, I'm just starting my fellowship" or whatever it was. Now of course they are saying "I can't have a baby now, I'm just getting started in my new job as an attending" - guess what, it's no easier or more convenient to have a baby when you have a full time job either. There were people all along the way who either accidentally or purposefully had a baby during every one of those stages of training, and made it through, and now have lovely children and the career they wanted. I also speak as a woman who thought I could "plan to have a baby at the end of fellowship" and a year and a half after I started trying to conceive, finally succeeded with the help of a reproductive endocrinologist. My due date's next week.... (that's part of why I say, why bother trying to wait, when you want a baby, try to have one! Doing it the way I did is expensive and stressful...)

Oh also - if you are not really career motivated now, you'll be even less motivated after the baby. I don't mean that you'll be a bad employee; but you certainly won't be looking to work to fulfill you. Work will become a way to earn money and still be able to get home to see your kid on time. All the stuff like "will my doctor brother look down on me" will fade, I'll wager. So you might want to consider another option: find a family-friendly, flexible, reasonably well-paying job now, and start trying for the baby, instead of trying to perfect your career.

Do not wait for the baby if you want baby now, and don't turn down the PA program if you're interested because of it. You don't have to be able to time the baby precisely to go into the PA school! There are certainly other ways to deal with that situation - babies can't be planned that precisely anyway. There's a reason why PA school costs more - because it allows you the opportunity to make a lot more money. I think being a PA is a great job, and if you're interested, you should go for it!

Also, most of the people close to me are very high up in the medical field (doctors), and although my friends love me and do not judge me, I can't help but feel a little embarrassed that having a tech-level job makes me seem lazy, or not as ambitious, or not as smart, etc. I am currently shifting from a "fancy title," well-paying, salaried job to a 3/4-time, hourly job without a fancy title. The most important thing to me is that I will have more time with my 2-year-old son. The "career stuff" became a lot less important to me after I became a mom, and that may happen for you, too. (Of course, it may not; who knows!) You mentioned sonography would have a part-time schedule that would fit your lifestyle. I am surprised at how much time I end up missing from work for pediatrician appointments, staying home when my son is sick, staying home when his nursery school is closed, and missing work because I'm sick more often, with him bringing various viruses home, etc. If a part-time schedule is appealing to you now, it probably will be even more appealing (if your budget allows) after you have a kid. Best of luck with your decision!

Look, you definitely know you want a baby. You're not entirely sure about the career (or at least, there are likely several paths to get there). Just start trying now. You don't know, at this point, whether you'll conceive next month, next year, or never. As far as sonography vs. PA... that's a tough call. You're already in the sonography program, and it costs less and is quicker. Plus it has more flexibility later. So if it were me, I would say: start trying now, complete the sonography program, and maybe you'll have a baby during your second year, or right after you finish, or not until you are in your first job, but either way you'll manage. Babies seem to come at exactly the wrong time no matter what, so it might as well be wrong-time-now rather than wrong-time-later (or never).

You say you have concerns about the stress involved from the responsibility of being a PA. Keep in mind that if you come out of school with 70k in loans and soon realize that the responsibility is really too much you may really regret your choice plus you'll have a ton of debt. I'm a PA. While there are aspects of it I like if I could go back I would never choose to do it again. My colleagues who love being PAs are the ones who felt like medicine was their passion in life. The ones who went into it for other reasons feel similar to myself. I wish I had an idea that I was going to feel this way before I started school because I would never have made the commitment, both in regards to time and money. If you do decide to go ahead with PA school then I don't see why you should have to wait to try to have a baby. Realize that getting pregnant isn't an instantaneous thing for many people and if you really want a baby then go ahead and start trying to make that happen. You can work the other stuff out. Good luck.

You definitely could hurt someone in the role of sonographer- by missing something important. Any time you are caring for someone else it is a responsibility. I know a lot of medical professionals who act very blasé about their roles as caretakers, but in deep and truthful conversations will reveal their fears (surgeons especially). It's normal and natural. If the thought of being a PA excites you then that is what you should do! Babies are impossible to 'time correctly' and you'll manage no matter the timing.