In a haze, and I don't know what to do about it. Depression, school, work, &c.

A month later, thanks everyone! I'm back on Wellbutrin (for a month) and it turns out I was having a problem switching between different generics. On the one that works for me, and it's working great. The advice to focus on baseline needs was really helpful too.

Write some scripts. Lots of people, and not just the clinically depressed, find that difficult projects become easier if broken down into a number of discrete steps, such that you can, at any time, tell exactly what step you're at, and what comes next. The requirements for good scripts go beyond those for good plans. You need something that you, personally, can comprehend when you're lacking the energy to really think about what you're doing. I find that it works best if, apart from describing the tasks, I list out all the physical objects involved. Then I refer to the list when writing the description, so I can tell just what I'm writing about--not trivial when I'm depressed. Your mileage may vary.

I started taking Wellbutrin a little over a year ago, and I will join in the chorus of folks urging you to give it more time to take effect. It has changed my life so much for the better. I'm not going to pretend I don't still have bad days, or even the occasional bad week. But I no longer have bad months. I used to have stretches where I felt really great about life and the future etc., and then something would trip me up and I'd start slowly going down, down, down, to the point where you are now, it sounds like. Couldnt get up on time, showering felt like a herculean effort, every tiny problem caused a major anxiety attack... sound familiar? Then somehow after a couple months of that I would somehow pull myself out of it and create some new life plan that was going to make everything better (but was totally unrealistic, of course) and then I'd get back to being really happy and excited... until I would get tripped up again a month or so later and it started all over again. Wellbutrin has enabled me to a) not be so easily knocked off balance, b) catch myself sooner when I do get off-balance, which keeps me from falling into the pit of despair, c) set more realistic and attainable goals which I then usually can meet and feel good when I do, which reinforces the sunny outlook, and d) be more forgiving of myself when it doesn't turn out as well as I'd hoped. I hope you are able to find a way to help yourself feel better soon. Be as kind to yourself as you possibly can -- you are being very strong and brave by taking the initiative to take back control of your life. Also, there is nothing wrong with taking medication to help you get there. All that matters is that it works!! Clearly I'm biased, but you'll find that most people on this forum will tell you the same thing. Think of it this way: if your vision was failing, you could either keep squinting and insisting that if you try hard enough you'd be able to see just fine -- or you could go get yourself a pair of glasses and move on with your life!

Take a look athttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_sleep_phase_disorder and see if that rings any bells. There are night jobs out there, and some of them even pay a little bit more than the day shift. A friend of mine was quite happy working nights as a hotel desk clerk, and had about 4 hours of free time each night at work to study or do crafts.

I have similar issues with the depression and sleepiness. I have been on several mood drugs in the past for depression and anxiety and none of them have really worked for me. I have tried antidepressants but they did more harm than good for me, and have tried fish oil but that didn't really do anything at all for me. A little over a month ago I started eating a can of sardines every single day for lunch. (if you're a sardine noob, try the skinless/boneless ones) Sardines have the omega 3s, the vitamin D, and vitamin B12, and calcium if you eat the ones with bones. I have noticed an improvement, but I have significant stress/anxiety in my life right now so things are a bit fuzzy, however when I have felt like this in the past I have been pretty much nonfunctional and right now I'm doing okay. I've also overhauled my diet over the past few years which has helped a lot, and I try to get regular exercise. A lot of my recent depression came from being bored with graduate school and having a boring university job. I'm not sure what to do about that in your case, but in mine I am trying to change my circumstances as well - which is the reason for my current anxiety levels,. Anyway, my point is that eating the sardines has noticeably helped me. I also take a B complex vitamin, and I think I had a few deficiencies that I am slowly making up for. I do not currently take any medications.

I'm mainly looking for ways that I can get myself on a normal schedule without feeling awful. small changes. In a similar period, I made one new rule for myself. I denied myself use of the snooze bar. I could advance the alarm, I could set it later, I could do anything, but once the alarm went off, I was not allowed to hit snooze or change the time for later. Small focus is a lot easier to pull of and a lot less of your personal baggage gets involved.

Before I say too much, I just wanted to say that you have seriously accomplished a lot for yourself despite what's going on. I think you need to give yourself some credit for that. I know that will probably sound unbelievable to you right now, especially since a lot of people in our age range seem to be doing a lot more exciting things. But, you are not in a good place right now (to put it lightly) and I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you need help. So, don't compare yourself to other people when you are dealing with your own stuff right now. You will do more things when you are ready to do so. This is going to involve a process of getting better. But, I think more than anything you need to give yourself a break. Get out of the house at least once a day whether that's doing something like getting a coffee, going to the bookstore or record store, going to the gym or whatever. Just get out of the house once a day. Otherwise, the anxiety tends to build up and you won't feel that great staying inside of the house even if it's comfortable for you. Don't create an hourly or timely kind of schedule for yourself. Create a daily to do list with small tasks on it instead. I find it difficult to wake up early because I am so exhausted, but I find that it helps if I create a to do list for certain things. Also, talk to you employer and figure out if you can change your availability, then do so. I prefer taking my meds late at night so that way I can just sleep it off. I don't know what would work better for you, but maybe you should take the meds at a different time like night time so that way they are on your night table as a reminder. That way, you can be more consistent with your meds and take them for longer than a week since it takes a while for the meds to kick in. Keep looking for a therapist. There are a lot of great therapists out there. I know this because I have worked with quite a few professionals through the university. Getting to places is very difficult for me because of my anxiety. I used to use cab rides as a cop out, but at the end of the day I still got to where I needed to go. However, I feel much better walking to the bus stop and taking the bus because it proves that I have overcome that obstacle. Talk to your psychiatrist. Get referrals from your psychiatrist and see how she can help you. She should know of quite a few therapists that can help you out. Please feel free to memail me. I really hope that things improve for you. Know that you are not alone even when it feels like you are completely on your own.

1. Lots of other people have been in the same boat. You're not alone. 2. There are professionals who can help you. Good ones understand that difficulty showing up is part of the problem and don't hold that against you. Keep looking for someone who is convenient for you to see and you can afford. Its worth it to work on these issues now. It you don't they just come back worse and worse and it gets harder as you get older. 3. No shame in meds. Its a chemical fix to the chemical component to the problem. Talk to your doctor about taking something like Ritalin or Adderall in the morning to get you moving. Don't take Wellbutrin in the afternoon. 4. Exercise. Preferably outdoors. Maybe where there are other people around. Even if its just walking. Sounds like there may be seasonal element to this so light may help. 5. You'll get lots of advice here and elsewhere. Most of it will sound stupid or obvious. Or you'll say to yourself that if you could do what people are suggesting than you wouldn't feel this way in the first place and need to ask for their advice. For a long time nothing that you try will work. Until suddenly it does. And then you'll give the same advice to others, even though you know how hard it is to actually follow and that it may not work for a long time.

Was your visit home for Winter Break the only vacation you've given yourself in the past few years? That may have a lot to do with it. I'm a bit zombie-ish these days, and was myself toying with seeing a therapist, but then realized that "you know, the fact that I haven't had any time off in TEN YEARS may have more to do with it. I am probably just legitimately tired." Maybe YOU are also just tired. This isn't the most convenient time, I realize -- since you still have a project to work on -- but try giving yourself SOME kind of break; at the very least, just ONE DAY one weekend when you don't talk to anyone, don't do any work, and decide "I am going to do whatever I want and FUCK ANYONE WHO THINKS I SHOULDN'T," and see if that helps a tiny bit. We NEED down time, and it sounds like you haven't been giving yourself much. (Yeah, I know, you went to visit your family, but it sounds like your father nagging you to do stuff with them all the time didn't make things very restful for you; maybe next time you see them, have a heart-to-heart with your dad about you needing just a couple days to decompress first BEFORE he hits you with the "hey, kids, let's all go BOWLING!" stuff or whatever.)