How do you find someone to talk to?

It's tough to find people and turn them into real friends that you're close enough to that you can use them for support. You can try to turn your casual acquaintances and work friends into real friends. I wrote a comment about various ways to do that http://ask.metafilter.com/109988/Help-me-build-a-better-social-reallife-network-in-2009#1583524 How do you find more acquaintances to turn into friends? There's a million Ask questions on making new friends when you move to a new city, and other people probably have better answers than me since the places I meet friends are probably not the same places you'd meet friends. There's the age-old "join a club" advice, and you might consider joining a depression support group. Becoming a volunteer docent for a local museum would help you meet people, but I think you know that that's not the right place to air your grievances. "During his time painting murals abroad in the United States and Russia, Diego Rivera drew upon the influences of Georges Braque and Pablo Picasso and began experimenting with the cubist style, like the painting you see before you. Also, I am incredibly isolated and sometimes feel like I'm the only person in the world." I think becoming a social person, which doesn't come naturally for many people, will help you conquer your feelings of loneliness. What keeps you apart from other people? Anxiety? Spending too much time in your house? Not feeling like you have anything to say? Not keeping up with acquaintances and friends and seeing if they'd like to meet? Figure out steps you can take simply to get out into the world and have human contact. By the time you find someone you're close enough to to unload on, you might have less to complain about.

Yes, you should follow all of the advice in other threads about how to make new friends. Do what you would do (or what others would advise you to do) if you had just moved to a new city and needed to start over. But in addition to that, I think you should be more open-minded about solutions to your problems. Your question is basically, "I'm sad and need to vent, but I can't or won't to talk to a therapist, write in a journal, write an anonymous blog, write a non-anonymous blog, talk to my SO, or talk to strangers." Why don't you "do" journals? Why are you "not eager" to pursue anonymous blogging? Why are with with an SO you can't talk to? Why not try therapy? It's clear that you need to change something, and yes, in the long term, making new friends and deepening your relationships with them will be good for you. But you may also want to be more open-minded about ways to work through your problems. Therapy and writing work for lots of people, even people who have initial reservations about them. You might feel better knowing that you have options.

Speaking as a Former Person Who Needed To Get Out Of The House, http://www.meetup.com has been a godsend to me. No matter what weirdness I'm into, or what random thing I feel like exploring, there are others out there whose interests or curiosity matches up perfectly with mine. I highly, highly recommend it. Feel free to MeFi mail me if you have any questions or concerns. - Bill

Oh, and I would strongly advise against going down the self-help rabbit hole. What you need to do, most of all, is take action. Reading self-help material can be very addictive, and can make you feel like you're making progress in dealing with your issues, when you're actually sitting still.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/ might be of interest and it seems like a good place to start developing a network.

I don't know your religious background, but if possible, I say try church. Don't just go on Sunday, but go and join something. It's a place where you can share your vulnerability ie "I am lonely and need a support system" without people looking at you sideways. You have more of a chance there of being embraced and people will likely reach out to you and if not be the shoulder themselves, provide valuable contacts for you to extend your social network and opporunity to meet friends and confidants. Good luck Anonymous.

Oh, also, if there's not a Meetup in your area, or isn't one on a topic that interests you - start one. You can be that guy - I promise you others are wishing your group existed. And remember that you don't need a specific topic per se. You don't have to be the East Greensboro Moped Fixer Uppers group. You can just be the Eastside Happytime Fun Club and do whatever. People like drinks, usually, so that's always a safe bet.

Short of a shrink or a family member, you need a good friend if you need someone to confide in and soundboard off of. Those don't just happen overnight. You can do it but have to give it some time. So if your need is really acute, that's not going to be your avenue. But no reason you can't start that anyway for future acute needs. To get the ball rolling, I second Meetup due to its flexibility and broad coverage (depending on area). I knew nobody in my new (small) town except work people, who all had their own lives and SOs. And it was so small and demographically challenged that there really weren't good ways to mingle amongst my own kind and bump into people. I felt marooned. For a good while I found myself at home with absolutely nothing to do and nobody to be with. Moderate introversion kept me there for a good while further, talking to you tiny people inside my computer. But at my very first Meetup function I discovered all sorts of fun people eager to have a good time and hang out, and more at the next one with a different group. None of them are people I would have a heart to heart with yet, but friendships start as friendly acquaintances and I see potential there. Gotta start somewhere, so you might give it a shot. The good part about it is that everybody at a Meetup is kind of in the same position as you, at least at first. They're reaching out to connect. So there's no real need to feel awkward about it. Just go and expect that it'll take you a little while to click and sink in. Be easy, friendly, and open to anyone. Circulate, ask names, introduce yourself. It hasn't been so easy to make friends since the kindergarten playground when you'd say, "What's your name? Want to be friends?" Find any common element and use it as a starter. Don't be discouraged if your first few conversations don't spark into wildfire. Pop to the next cluster of people when it feels right. Just let it happen and don't stress if it takes a bit. Alcohol-laced meetups are always an accelerated start and easy chat zones. Then keep going to future meetups if you like the group. Sooner or later you'll naturally gravitate to some of the people and start keeping contact outside the group. Be sure not to be the shrinking violet who waits to be asked. Do the asking, just casual-like. "Oh yeah, I heard about that movie - want to go see it?" or "The trails there are pretty crunchy - I'm riding them Saturday morning if anybody wants to come along." Bam, there you go: proto-friends. Now just nurture and let it unfold. When it feels right, you'll have someone to confide in - and the extra bonus of having more friendships, which is one of the best and most important things in the human experience. If not Meetup, you can try things like Habitat for Humanity - often people do that and then hit the pub together - or Hands On (Your City), or other volunteer things. Woody Allen once said, "Half of life is just showing up." So really that's all you've got to do - no pressure. Good luck, buddy!

Get a social second job.