How to ask for gifts tactfully.

When our baby was born we received a ton of gifts. We did not solicit these gifts and did not register anywhere. We did send out birth announcements, about a week or two after our son was born but the gifts began pouring in as soon as he arrived. There is no tactful way to solicit gifts. People who want to celebrate the baby's arrival with a present will do so anyway. To ask for them in advance of a shower is in bad taste and seems to indicate a sense of entitlement. There is not a whole lot of stuff that you need ahead of time, beyond a car seat, a place for the baby to sleep, and a bunch of onesies, so there will be plenty of time to acquire all the baby stuff. Seriously .. you don't need the swing, the bouncy chair, the exersaucer, the high chair, the multiple outfits, the toys, the books, and so on for quite some time. Look - you're the one having a baby and it's your responsibility to provide the essentials. What you're suggesting sounds a little bit like a shakedown. A gift is meant to be a token to say "welcome to the world". It's not something owed to you to help you get your baby started. I'm sure you don't intend to come across that way - you don't sound at all grasping and entitled in your question but I don't think its ever proper to ask for gifts. A gift is supposed to be something given freely. Congratulations on your impending arrival!

FWIW, Miss Manners routinely covers the "asking for gifts tactfully" problem. Her answers to these questions are basically that there is no polite way to ask for gifts -- whether to give a gift, what to give, and when to give are all up to the giver not the receiver. She also usually adds that a party should not have an admission price.

You could email them all and tell them your visiting plans. "It's such a shame, but we won't be able to visit until after the baby is born....". You could also mention that you're still on the lookout for baby stuff, and if any of them have old outgrown baby things that they'd like rid of, let you know in case you'd like them. Offer to pay postage. Then you never know, people might call and ask if you have a registration somewhere. Otherwise, you can be glad to save the environment by not filling it of brand new stuff for a baby who will use it for a couple of years max.

This is simple. They have a baby shower WITHOUT YOU. When my own first was born, my mom's coworkers surprised her with a "grandma shower" (I lived in a different state) and she brought the stuff with her when she visited. Let them party, have punch, play silly games, and talk to you on speaker phone or Skype. Then when you come, you can always have another little get together sans gifts.

There is no way to ask for gifts tactfully. The only way to get gifts is to make sure your sisters and family know what you need and tell your old friends and coworkers if they ask how to give you presents.

Yes, the answer is a long-distance shower. I've seen it done a couple of different ways-- -Someone collects the gifts and sends them all to you. Then on the day of the shower, they all get together and enjoy the baby shower fun and you join them via webcam. This way they get to see you opening their gifts. -They can have a shower and open the presents for you while you watch via webcam. This way they get to ooh and ahh and pass the presents around. Later all the presents can be boxed up to send to you. -They could also do a shower but all send you giftcards. This one is probably the least fun. However it's done, the shower hostesses in CA need to make sure that it feels like a "real" baby shower for the participants, with good food and games.

I don't understand this at all. Make a registry, be pregnant, people will ask mom and sisters where the registry is, they'll send gifts.

Gifts are, by definition, freely given. You're not automatically entitled to presents just for having a baby. So, there is no tactful way to actively solicit gifts from people outside of the context of a shower. (in part because the email is not an actual invitation to an event quite yet) Why not? Make the email an invitation and include the registry information. I don't think it's tacky to have a registry for a shower or to tell people about the registry for a shower, since generally the entire point of a shower is gift-giving. I do think that idea itself is a bit odd, but since showers are an accepted concept in our culture, asking for presents at one isn't seen as a shakedown.

I did a virtual baby shower in a slightly different situation and it worked out very well. I have a friend here, near me, who just had her first baby far from all her family and friends. I really wanted to have a shower for her, since not throwing a shower for someone's first baby is the height of rudeness and awfulness (in my opinion), but there were no people within driving distance to invite the shower. (digression- I know some people don't like showers, either baby or wedding. I am lukewarm on the wedding showers, but I think women who are pregnant for the first time are often 1) young, 2) not rich, 3) excited as all get out, and 4) terrified. A shower is a great way to spread the pain of the new baby purchases and to remind the mom to be that she is surrounded by love and support.) So, I made an invitation list of everyone that would be natural to invite to a shower if they had been close by (about 20 people), and set a time for everyone to meet via Skype. I asked people to send presents in the mail and have them arrive before the assigned day. You can do multi-way voice conferences on Skype, but you can't have video when you have more than two people. So we made a webcam feed that allowed everyone to watch her open the presents. I think it wasn't tacky because I was the one organizing and sponsoring the event, not the mom-to-be. I think the far flung family and friends also appreciated the chance to send good wishes and gifts. I think if your sisters agreed on doing a version of this people wouldn't find it tacky at all. Invite only people who are actually very excited about the baby (close friends and family, not random coworkers who don't really care) and who would send gifts anyway. This needs to be on someone else's initiative, though, not yours.