How to ask someone out? No, literally, how the hell do I communicate this?

Just to be clear here (even though this question is answered, right?) - Loto's suggestion doesn't involve 'laying your heart on the line' or any such melodramatic shit. He's describing a simple, indeed an atomic, element of social being at your point in spacetime. It requires no risk. This is simply what people do, and the more we ask - and and accept - the easier it becomes. Since you're not actually living one of the Bridget Jones novels, it doesn't matter what interior drama it takes to get you to pop this rudimentary question. And asking someone on a date isn't 'honest' in any big way. It's like asking someone to grab a beer after work, only there are only two of you. You can manage expectations past that point (i.e. if you want you can simply let the dude know if the making-out and the good-foot-bad-thing are in the cards). You're asking for help with this because you feel it's in some way a hard thing or a big deal. Loto's answer is not only correct in substance, it should illuminate for you the broader concern that by interacting with people in this simple way you are taking part in a very basic system of interactions. If it doesn't go off, tell the bartender to leave the bottle and make a MetaTalk request for DateMe. I'm sure Matt's already got a prototype coded up anyhow.

Maybe casually invite him home with you after the beer. Tell him about the great movie you just rented that he really should see, that you've got this book you want to loan him, whatever. If he really is into you, he'll probably go. Then give him an excuse to stay past the original excuse to come over. Ask him if he wants to watch a DVD, show him funny crap you found on YouTube, offer him food. Touch him more than necessary. Give him lots of openings, like mentioning that your neck is stiff so that he can offer to rub it, using him as a pillow during a movie, etc. If he doesn't take any of those openings, you can just thank him for coming over and let it go without having really risked anything. At least, you've set a precedent, and if he hasn't gotten up the balls to make a move yet, he can now quid pro quo and invite you over to try again.

If you want to add a touch of humor to it, instead of, "hey, want to go out on a date", say "soo... when are you going to ask me out?" This worked on me once. I dug it. Though I was mildly annoyed because I WAS going to ask her out, THAT DAY. I had done the whole pumping myself up for it, and gotten over all the "what if she says no?", "what if I'm totally misinterpreting, and she doesn't dig me?" etc etc. Possibly contrary to common sense, I don't think I'd recommend this on the type of guy who thinks the guy ALWAYS has to ask the girl out. You won't be fooling anybody. You're obviously the one doing to the asking-outing if you use this line. I'd use it on someone, like myself, who may be a bit shy, and who is not too hung up on gender roles. That way he'll hopefully get a kick out of you lightheartedly poking fun at his shyness, and also at the idea that the guy ALWAYS has to do the asking-outing. Also, in the very unlikely event that you get a big, resounding, "no way. you're crazy. do you really think I was flirting with you?" you'll have a sort of plausible, "uhh.. I was joking too" defense, because, you were joking. Just not about the asking out part.

I don't think email is so bad. I've hooked up dates with acquaintances that way, and worse (messaged them on social networking sites). Maybe it's just because I work with the Internet and hang out on it a lot, but I don't think it's an impersonal thing at all, especially if you're too shy to do something in person and might miss the opportunity entirely. A short email that says "Hey - how about a date, just you and me? There's a show going on next Thursday - want to go see it with me?" will work just fine. You do know him personally and have spent plenty of time together in person so it seems fine to use email for what it is: a simple communication tool. Just make sure you use the word "date." You can't figure out quickly and easily how he truly feels. But you can make it clear that you want a date, and find out if he's interested. Good luck!

well-done kalimac! People who take chances grow, people who don't, stagnate.

Followup! Got a reply to my e-mail today -- he gently turned me down, but it's due to shit he's going through himself, and he's not in a place to date anyone. So, not the ideal result (at least from my perspective) but at least it's finally *decided*. Also, you all rock. (Also, I am happy to have it shown to me, very obviously and flatly, that this isn't as big a deal as I had thought it was. Everybody grows!)

"soo... when are you going to ask me out?" Agreed that this is not the way to go; as someone who once got "why haven't you made a pass at me yet?" I can say that didn't set me up to have much respect for the girl. That'd depend on the person & the circumstances. My real-life version was "sooo...are you going to take my number, or am I going to take yours?" which was about the cutest thing ever. I can only guess that the girl who made a pass at davejay wasn't one that he already fancied, or else he would probably have reacted with a "D'aw! How sweet!"

a follow up from the OP ofhttp://ask.metafilter.com/82745/I-need-a-subtler-form-of-how-you-doin (regarding a similar issue): "I rang him and asked if he wanted to go for a drink that weekend, and he said "yea, how about Saturday? I need to check my calendar, but I'll get back to you" and then he never got back to me, so I let it go and didn't bring it up when I saw him at the next group event. I feel that at least I did have a go, so I don't have that bitter 'wasted opportunity' feeling to live with, and hey, I'll never see him again so it's not like it's going to haunt me!" Sent to me by a MeFriend (like my cute neologism? please no one ever use it again) with request to let this thread know a real life consequence!

Heh. Thank you all for dragging me back to earth -- I did get a bit melodramatic there, didn't I? What waxbanks says is important -- this is a big deal for me because I'm a bit crazy, but not for the rest of the human race, and I should look at it in those broader terms. E-mail may be the way to go, if only to let me calm *down*. And, yeah, so neither of us have to scrabble for words. And no need to wait til I see him again, either ;) (He does know I'm heading off for parts-3000-miles-away, but I'm still willing to try this, knowing that either it's on a timeline, or that I'll being trying to sustain one hell of a long-distance relationship. I kind of like the chaos of that; reminder that I don't know how everything ends up :) ) Also, hey, thank you all. I know relationshipfilter gets a bad rap, but you're all really helping me in something that seems really basic, but is also really important to me.