How to get Ph.D. abroad?

How to lose my apathy and get a PhD

• How to Be Awesome and Finish a PhD? I'm in my first term of an engineering PhD (post-bachelors and 2yrs working in industry). My work is sucking: I don't do enough homework or research. How do I get back the drive I felt in high school when I was a clueless single guy who felt he had to prove he was brilliant? (anonymous because this is deeply embarrassing) What I think I want to do is: --Put in long hours (the kind of hours my friends who are consultants brag/complain about) to salvage this academic term's grades and do impressive research. --Once this term is under control, use the extra time to try some of the small-business ideas I've been thinking about --Take time for social activities, exercise, art, etc. --Relentlessly work on projects for increased career success or self-improvement --See how far up the http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ScaleOfScientificSins I can get in one lifetime. --Sign up for cryonic preservation If I did what I feel like I want to do, I'd hold myself to a much lower standard: --Accept that I, as a single human, am mortal and can't save myself or the world --Have ice cream for breakfast most days --Leave school, get a low-stress engineering-related job --Be successful enough that family are happy (gradual career advancement, match parents' standard of living, hang out with friends, have children eventually) --Enjoy comfort in relationships, work, surroundings, etc. --Enjoy frequent temporary oblivion/flow in Internet, gaming, and TV I go to class, but do the homework at the last minute and occasionally after the last minute, I think due to classic perfectionism/anxiety like I've often read about here. I'll probably get a B average this term, will be unable to get funding for next year (I have a stipend now), and will have to leave school. I do research, but barely put in the 20hrs/wk research minimum, not the 40hrs/wk I hear is standard for successful students. The work itself is easy, just takes time to figure out and do it: I'm at a second-tier school and got a Bachelors (with a ~3.0GPA) from a top-tier school. To me, this seems like deep procrastination. This is the work I think I want to be doing right now, but I'm not sure if I'm anxious or apathetic. I think I'm especially motivated by wanting to impress good women and get my parents' approval, and I don't have the same motivation now that I have a long-term girlfriend and met my parents' expectations. In high school (seven years ago, the last time I studied all the time and had near-perfect grades), I was unhappily single and wanted to impress smart girls, and had clear goals from my parents. I also thought that becoming an engineer was a passion/calling for me (improve the human condition! create wealth and prolong life with science!). Now, I don't know what I want. Also possibly relevant: I stutter, enough that it's noticeable, not enough to get in the way of normal friendships and work. This used to motivate me more: sounding like an idiot more often than most people gave me some extra desire to prove I was smart. It doesn't really bother me now, though I expect I'd have a few more friends and a better career if I could stop. Speech therapy makes a difference, but requires a lot of time to deprogram bad habits. Now, in my free time, I like to eat and read articles on the Internet. I have dreams, of course (get a PhD, start a company, get a six-pack, etc.) but nothing with the personal urgency I used to feel. Actually, I remember wanting to be lazy in high school, too, but I couldn't be lazy and still impress my friends and parents. Now, I'm more accepting of myself. I feel like a bad person because many people with more motivation would better use the opportunities I have now. How do I fix this and get myself to work? Thank you for listening! I heart metafilter.

• Answer:

  I'm going to disagree with the above posters who say a Ph.D. is not for you. It might be, and it might not be. Speaking as someone who started with similar doubts and is now a recent graduate, there's nothing that you've described so far that makes it impossible to get a Ph.D. Loving what you do certainly helps to get a Ph.D., but it's not necessary. Overworking yourself certainly helps to get a Ph.D., but it's also not necessary. In order to decide if a Ph.D. is for you, you need to understand what a Ph.D. is. A Ph.D. serves two purposes. The first is obvious: It's an apprenticeship. By working with your mentor, first on menial tasks around the periphery of research, and then later making a real contribution, you learn how research is done, you learn about the culture of academia, and you develop the beginnings of an independent research program. It's a way to "get you out of the house" and working on your own. All of this is true. It's also entirely hype. This brings us to the second purpose of a Ph.D. A Ph.D. is a hazing ritual. In it a sponsor (your advisor), and a group of other members (your committee), who all belong to an exclusive club (the proffesoriate) determine whether or not you are fit to join their ranks by making you suffer. Culturally, the suffering is incredibly important. It presents a barrier to determine your determination and your worth. It bonds you closer to your fellow graduate students and forms community ties with both current and future faculty. It builds you a place and a rank in an existing social network/hierarchy with a long history, and makes sure that you are sufficiently broken to accept that place (which as a newcomer, is going to be at the bottom). Your committee does this because that's they way it was done to them, that's the way it's always been done, and it's quite possibly the only way to actually do it. As an apprentice, in order to succeed, you have to be willing to do what is asked of you. You probably won't see how what you're being asked to do is important, or how it benefits your education, but much of it is that until you know more (both by class and by example) you simply cannot be trusted to do the work of a master. You are there to learn, but you are also there to earn your keep because the person who is teaching you has to pay for you. So you work on what you can do, and you learn by osmosis, and eventually you are trusted with more and more creative freedom. As an initiate, in order to succeed, you not only have to suffer, but you also have to put on a show of suffering. You have to blow your work way out of proportion, complain about how little sleep your getting, and your lack of social life and all of that good stuff, even when it isn't true. You must maintain the polite fiction that a graduate student's place is in the office 24/7 our of pure love of their work, when the reality is that most graduate students do have lives. Most faculty have lives, too. It's just that both groups (sub)consciously know enough to hide it. You can have it all, degree, career, social life, oblivion, and sleep, but you need to be willing to do a few things: Actually do the work that actually has to be done, recognize when work has to be done and when it's for show, learn to refuse the unimportant work without actually refusing (the show has a purpose), suffer at least a bit, put on a good show of suffering a lot more than you actually are, and be secretly responsible for your own sanity (because everyone else is out to destroy it). If you can do all that, then you can get a Ph.D.. If you can't do all of that, then you have to become someone who can, or leave the program.