How to approach the pubic hair grooming issue?

If she's a woman in her thirties, it's entirely possible that her pubic hair is the result of a choice she's made. Please don't just run out and get her a spa voucher. As a woman in my late twenties who has enough experience shaving completely to know that it's an enormous pain and causes rampant in-grown hairs for me, I'd be completely peeved if you got me a spa voucher with the assumption that I'm going to go *wax*. Because, uh, so not happening.

+1 PhoBWanKenobi. This sort of thing would make me (mid-30s) start to wonder what sort of inexperienced lulzy little boy I was bonking. You do remember that not very long ago, nobody futzed with "pubic grooming"? Perhaps a yearly tweeze of a few baddies that would show outside a bathing suit, but cutting the stuff so as to make it itchy in the underpants -- no -- and plenty of people past a certain age still have no truck or trade with this nonsense. ("Esquire" did a survey a few years back; the popularity of pubic grooming does indeed diminish with age, dropping off to relative rarity after 40 or so, IIRC.) And still these fogies manage to have oral sex! Just as people did in pre-"salon" days. Good grief, just use your hands to move the hair aside.

As a women who struggles with body issues, who has an exuberance of hair growth in the nether regions, and who once had a boyfriend make a similar suggestion, I'd urge caution. Because even though you may be saying "It'd make it easier," she could very likely hear "I find a part of you gross." When you fall outside the female norm in this regard, you are bombarded by a culture and a media that says you are not OK. An intimate relationship should be the one place you can turn to to hear "no, really. you ARE ok." I'm in my early 40s, and this whole bikini waxing thing is just f'in' bizarre to me.

She keeps a good amount in control, but down below its a bit thicker than I feel comfortable with, getting somewhat in the way of what I'm doing. And that's the key element: it gets in the way of what you are doing. I trim, myself. The vast majority of the women I have dated didn't. But there was this one gal who was ... equatorial-jungle in her growth. I'll be blunt: she had dreadlocks, and they were truly locks to dread. So I broke it down like this: "I can be doing a lot more interesting things with my right hand than keeping hair out of my mouth." That got the point across, because I'm fairly handsy in bed. If I am having sex and one or more of my hands is not occupied with doing something interesting but more at maintenance, it irritates me. I have this perfectly good hand right here and it's not contributing to the experience. Instead, it's on fur patrol. It's been benched. And then I have to de-immerse myself enough from the experience to concentrate on this particular task when I could just be trying to get into the groove of things. You can throw in the "I'm not asking you to shave or wax or any nonsense, it's just that this patch here ends up in my mouth here and then I have to keep tossing it out and it's more than a little hard to concentrate on when I'd rather just shut my brain off and enjoy eating you out. Just a preference, and if you'd like to exchange it for anything in particular you want, let's talk." bit if you like. If she goes for it, then it would be wise for you to back it up with showing that this has, in fact, helped you do what presumably the both of you like to do. And remember: you are responsible for what you say, other people are responsible for what they hear.

Yeah, definitely no on the spa gift certificate. That assumes a wax job, which holy good god, NO. Particularly not just because someone gave me a gift card. Waxing your bits is a really personal decision, it's not for everyone. Giving her a spa card dictates how she's going to deal with the issue. I would be incredibly pissed off if my partner did that. The "hey, can you trim a bit more?" may be a little awkward, but I'd do it. The spa card would make me question whether I wanted to be with them.

Whether you do ever say anything to her or not, three months is too soon to suggest any change in her appearance or grooming (unless she's got a poppyseed in her teeth). Suck it up and find a way to enjoy yourself. Why? Because while she might respond enthusiastically, she probably would already be shaving more if that's what she was into. It's much more likely that 1. she may say no, and then you'll just have to find a way to enjoy yourself anyway, or break up, or 2. she may say yes, and feel resentful or embarrassed and that will drain some fun away, or maybe 3. she'll say, "okay, i'll get a brazilian if you wax your balls. deal?" The only way a suggestion like this is going to fly is if you develop a rich and satisfying sexual history before you you bring it up. That way she doesn't feel like the whole relationship hinges on her bikini wax. (Unless it does, in which case you'd be doing her a favor to make that clear now, before she wastes any more time.)

I wouldn't give her a spa voucher without talking to her about it first. It would come off as passive-aggressive (to me, anyway). Just say, "I really love going down on you, and I think you're beautiful, sexy, etc. I think it would be really sexy if you waxed/trimmed/whatever. I'm really into that." Maybe suggest helping her out, in a sexy way, if you think she'd be into it.

Light trimming is totally reasonable to ask for -- just keeping the length under control isn't a big deal for most people. Although keep in mind that even trimming can make things really itchy for some people, so she may be deliberately avoiding it for that reason. Anything beyond that is not something you should ask her to do. If she decides on her own that she wants to try shaving/waxing/etc, she can go ahead. But giving her an unasked for spa voucher for either of those services? That sounds like a really efficient way to make her feel terrible.

As a lady with a rather luxuriant amount of undergrowth, I find the idea of a wax to be somewhat on the terrifying side. I know lots of women say it's not that bad but I suspect most of those people were probably dealing with more of a delicate, ladylike little poof and a bit of stray fringe than a rampant jungle thicket. I wouldn't be offended if my husband nicely asked me to trim things up a bit for ease of performing oral (I do anyway), but if he gave me a spa card to hint that he wanted me to get a brazilian I'd probably wind up using it to get a nice haircut. On my head. And yes, if he even hinted that my pubic hair was an aesthetic issue for him, I'd be hurt and upset. (Hint: best not to mention in her presence that you think the porn chick with the pubic hair looks "untidy"... *glares pointedly at oblivious husband*)