How to make friends online

A dating site isn't really a great place to seek friendship, you should stick with Meetup or look for other clubs centered around a common interest.

I just didn't know how to do it without being afraid that the person at the other end would get the wrong idea. Yes. One of the many annoying aspects of that site. They really encourage the friend thing and for people in relationships to join, I guess to make it seem less creepy and "hook-up"y? I'm not saying this is you, but when I did try the site, I could really have done without all the girls who post 8 paragraphs about what they look for in a date, 9 hot pictures, and then at the end write "I HAVE A BOYFRIEND SO DONT CONTACT ME IF YOU'RE A PERV I KNOW YOU'RE A PERV LOOKING FOR A DATE ON A DATING SITE HOW DARE YOU GO SIT IN THE CORNER NOW." I think it does a service to everyone to leave the dating sites to people who want to date. Maybe try something specific to an activity you enjoy? Like for photography, Flickr has groups where the people meet up. Also a lot of volunteer orgs have online presences, so you can get a sense of their culture without getting too committed. And they definitely won't charge you anything.

Honestly, I would just skip the whole internet thing. I know it's tougher to start, but just get out there and join a sport of volunteer group or meetup.com. There's not much ambiguity there.

"I think it does a service to everyone to leave the dating sites to people who want to date." This. This. 1000x this. I'm about ready to give up on dating sites because of all the profiles I read that say things like "I'm just here because a friend made me join".. or ... "I'm just here for the forums"... etc Expecting to make friends on a site designed for dating is like expecting to deliver a baby grand piano with a sports car. With enough effort, you might get lucky and be successful, but the odds are not good, and the payoff to effort ratio is going to be very very small. I'd echo what some of the others have said above... you just need to get out in person more and find activity groups that "click" with some of your interests. Atleast that way you're 1.) not in a place that was designed to facilitate dating and 2.) there are a lot lower expectations and drama because its not about the people/members, its about the event/subject/topic. I feel your pain though.. I tried joining some local Meetup groups.. and pretty much just fizzled out. (was nothing like I hoped/expected it to be)... I'm almost considering starting my own Meetup group - although I'm pretty sure (for my age group) the local population is not big enough to support it. (I'd probably get like 4 people to show up, and it'd be all guys.

OkCupid is first and foremost a dating site, and despite having the best of intentions, intentionally attempting to make friends through it (as opposed to chancing upon them on the forums or other community features) can and will be confusing for either party, not to mention it muddies the waters. I think you should give the other avenues you've already tried another shot, and just vary your approaches. When I was active on LiveJournal a few years ago, I sought out well-written journals by people who lived nearby in the interest of feeling the pulse of Manila in words. If there's anything LJ is good at, it's fostering a sense of community and closeness. It wasn't my primary intention, but I made a lot of new local friends with similar interests through it. More recently, I tried the local Craigslist's strictly platonic section with very low expectations and was surprised and impressed at the quality of results I got. I did indeed make several new very smart and articulate friends, and a good friend of mine had similar success when she had to live in Seatle for 6 months. The trick I think is a well-written, self-selecting post that shows off your sensibilities and sense of humor along with starting points for conversation, much like a profile you'd make on OkCupid, except more targeted. Sure, there will always be spammers, scammers, and shockingly ill-formed responses, but if you make even one bona fide friend out of it, it would still have been a worthwhile exercise. Good luck!

Yeah, I would not recommend trolling OKC for friends. It really isn't meant for that. You're going to disappoint a lot of people, give a lot of people the wrong idea, and will be ignored by most of the rest. I'm not saying that it can't happen, I'm just saying that your chances are better somewhere else. Aren't Facebook and its ilk pretty much meant for this sort of thing?

Lots of great advice here, and I second the "start something yourself!" suggestion - that has worked well for me in the past. That way, you're in the driver's seat. You can screen people online, and then meet up in a small group (maybe 4-6 people?) for an enjoyable low-key activity of some kind that will help you focus on something other than your anxiety. Keep meeting with the same folks over time, and acquaintanceships may develop into friendships. The rest of this comment is sort of tangentially related, but hopefully my personal anecdotes are of some relevance, since you're considering using OKCupid to make friends. Thank you to everyone above who recommended leaving the dating sites to people who want to date. This thread makes a really convincing case for doing just that. I'm one of those people who has been http://ask.metafilter.com/129736/Is-there-such-as-things-as-too-much-dating#1854542 (after some laughably unsuccessful dating attempts), and although I've had some minor success making friends, I have to admit the payoff-to-effort ratio is not particularly impressive. The thing is, though, I am open to dating. I just like to do it in a way that allows me lots of room and time to get to know people. By focusing on making friends instead of dating on OKC, yet still leaving myself open to dating eventually, I've been screening out the folks who aren't similarly inclined. Or so I've been telling myself, anyway. But after reading this thread, it occurred to me that I may also be accidentally screening out otherwise compatible folks who are similarly inclined, but who find my roundabout approach vague, confusing, or otherwise off-putting. Can't blame them, I suppose. A recent experience I had on OKC shifted my perspective, too. Under the rubric of friendship, I began a correspondence with someone whose profile really impressed me. Our early exchanges impressed me even more, and I quickly found myself feeling mildly flirtatious toward him (which is rare for me, especially when I haven't met the person in the flesh yet). When I suggested a face-to-face get-together, though, he balked. And while I'll probably never know his reasons, it's entirely possible that my friend-focused approach played a part - or at least muddied the waters enough that he didn't feel up to sorting it all out, just parked me safely in the friend category, and left it at that. Lesson learned. I'm going to either 1) delete my OKC profile entirely, or 2) modify it so that it's clear that I am interested in dating. As for making friends, I'll go elsewhere. I am now done http://ask.metafilter.com/130012/Do-they-make-deoderant-for-the-stink-of-desperation#1858252 this particular plate of beans. Thanks, MeFites.

Here's some advice taken from the site about http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/09/14/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/

I messaged only people of the wrong gender for romantic relationships (for me), and told them why I liked their profile and some fun things to do together based on this data. I must have messaged twenty people on OKC and made one friend.