Do I break up with my boyfriend for no sane reason?

But there's also another factor in this that is always haunting me. I'm still hopelessly in love with his best friend, also my close friend, whom I have pined over for the past 10 years or so. After about four years of trying to get him to like me, I "gave up" [snip] ... but I don't have any clue if he likes me. I still can't tell. But somehow, I don't even care.. Ten years is a long time to pine over someone, but you should probably try to let this go. If you spent four years trying to get him to "like" you, and he didn't so much as ask you on a date, you're most likely a friend to him and nothing more. Let go of the idea of being with him and spend some time away from him doing other things with other people. It's a big world, and none of us are all that unique, broadly speaking. You'll be able to find someone else you're compatible with. Don't stay in the relationship on that account, unless the reasons you want out disappear.

I was in EXACTLY the same boat two years ago( really. reading this was hard.) Get out. Take care of yourself. Most above have given great advice, but I cannot state this more strongly. You love him. Fine. He is a lovely person. With problems. That ARE NOT YOURS. It's going to be painful, and really hard and confusing for him, but you must follow your heart/ take YOUR life into your own hands. I actually had to be taken aside by a woman I will be grateful to forever (her bravery for intervening is astounding), and told what I already knew. And this is the crucial part. The relationship was not letting me be the best "me" I knew I was. It was really hard to hear, because it was true. It took me two months to actually end it. And the leaving bit was just awful. It's so hard to leave someone because, in the end, they aren't good enough... FOR YOU. He is surely a lovely, valuable person with tremendous qualities (or you would not be here now, with him) but that does not mean that he can be a partner to you in the way that you need. And, yes, two years later, I am still single. It stinks, to be sure, but I am so much better off I never look back. Taking care of me, living to my full potential without making someone else feel bad who can't, is freeing, hopeful, and makes being single worth it. You have a hard road ahead. Listen to your heart. It already knows what to do. And it AIN'T asking his friend out. That's a symptom. NOT a cure. Be strong. Good luck. My email is in my profile, and I would be more than willing to be a shoulder.

So, with all this in mind, do you think I should break up with my boyfriend even though nothing really seems to be wrong? Break up with him for a relationship possibility that will probably never come true? You shouldn't break up with him because of a relationship that may or may not pan out. You should break up with him because you are just marking time where you are and need to move on to somewhere else.

Don't give him an ultimatum unless you're prepared for the possibility he'll really straighten up and you'll have to stay with him.

Your boyfriend has issues he must work out himself. He could possibly be suffering from depression or social anxiety, things that he has to take on himself, and want to overcome. What you do regarding that is up to you. You pine for his best friend though. This is unfair to everyone involved, and staying with your boyfriend in such a situation does you no good. You basically are saying that you're settling for less than what you want. You don't deserve that, and your boyfriend doesn't deserve that. If you go after his best friend, he will almost certainly hate you, particularly if it works out. There is no possible good solution to this situation that ends up with you pairing up with your boyfriend's best friend. Simply put, your boyfriend is a drain on you day-to-day. You've settled for someone you didn't want in the first place for quite some time. You continue to pine for who you originally wanted years later. This situation will change, and it is up to you to make sure the change is for the better. You can break up with your boyfriend, which will relieve some of the burden he has placed on you, and leave you free to find someone fit for you who has goals more in line with yours, but you will have to get over his best friend in order to do that. You could stay with your boyfriend and try to get him some help, whether it be therapy, life coaching, or psychiatric treatment. You would not have the uncertanity of being alone, which can be quite a shock after six years, but you would also need to be able to see just how well this is working and whether it is in your best interest as well. He may simply be without ambition, in which case, there's not much to salvage. It is up to your boyfriend to help himself. You can try to help him, or you can move on and hope that without someone to lean on all the time, he will help himself. This is a judgment call that is for you to make. The easy choice is to stay with him and do nothing until things fall apart. Breaking up is difficult, but trying to honestly help him is difficult as well, and it is even tougher to really see for yourself through unclouded eyes whether he is improving or not. If you break up with your boyfriend, be sure that it is because you cannot be a permanent crutch for him. Pursuing his best friend will only lead to trouble. Remember this, he certainly looks more attractive simply because you can't have him. Best of luck to you, regardless of your decision.

Ultimatums tend not to work, but who knows they can, and if you give him the chance he may become the guy you want. But it is unlikely and you should break up with him. However under no circumstances whatsoever should you even consider trying to go out with his best friend. You are seriously thinking about dumping this guy, then essentially taking away his friend in the process?? What the hell is wrong with you? What you need to do is break up with him gently, be honest and firm, then get out of town. Don't twist the knife.

Where did you get the idea that lack of respect and attraction are trivial reasons to break up? It's not normal or good for you to be taking "complete care of" your partner. I totally second the idea that you do some reading/get some counseling around codependency. In a nutshell: break up, but leave his best friend alone.

To be fair to everyone, break up, move on, and find someone other than your current boy's best friend. In fact, try being single for say, a year, and deciding what kind of relationship you really want. Explore yourself. Maybe date casually. Move away even. No good can come of tying yourself with either of these men. On the other hand, I can't guarantee (like some) that you will find someone else, but isn't it better to be alone then in a draining relationship?

When someone doesn't be their best person when they are with you, they don't love you. They might need you, depend on you, but they don't love you. You've been training your boyfriend to be wimpy. You started off "settling" for him, and now he has become a parasite. This is no good for anyone. It sounds like you felt bad for not getting the guy you wanted and picked one that was such a loser that he couldn't leave you. It also sounds like you are a strong enough, smart enough person that you can learn from this and change, rather than pine for another ten years.