Help me become comfortable with online dating

You know the great thing about online dating? Everyone is there because they want to date! That already increases your chances of meeting someone, because you already know everyone there is available and looking. You know the other thing that's awesome? If they're on OK Cupid (for example) they're in no position to judge you for being on OK Cupid. You're literate, intelligent, have your own life going on and can express yourself well in writing. That puts you ahead of a good deal of the profiles I saw when I used to date online, so get a good picture, write up a good profile and go meet someone. Good luck!

It's astonishing to me that people are still snobs or skeeved by online dating, but okay, here you go: - You can't start and have a coherent conversation substantial enough to establish interest if you are somewhere loud, busy, or you approach a person who does not enjoy being approached and chatted up randomly. - You specifically have a hard time getting the better of your anxiety when talking to new people, which is often MUCH easier when that first contact is written. - Your articulate nature will self-select for other articulate people, thus cutting out an immense amount of chaff from your wheat. - You have an entire pool of interested people to present yourself to. This does not happen in the real world unless you go to a manufactured dating event. I guarantee you this pool is better and broader than that one, and even before you start filtering gives you better odds than the average room full of people. Honestly, just try it before you judge it (which is a good policy for life in general and...is maybe part of your problem?). They won't revoke your "walking up to girls in bars" card if it turns out you don't like it. There's no forehead tattoo. Give it a shot. I met my husband at a mutual friend's birthday party, which I'm sure is how you'd like it to all go down for you too. But most of my previous boyfriends I met online, either from dating sites specifically or hanging out in the same places.

I want to chime in here because you sounds like me... a year ago! I definitely get where you are coming from. Right down to being a 29 year old and having no relationship experience. Like you, I focused on school and work. Although as a female, I didn't have the experience of asking out close to a hundred women, but I share your feeling of anxiety and nervousness about physical intimacy and relationships because I don't get asked out much in real life and my previous dates were rather blah. I was open to the idea of online dating, but I keep putting it off due to my focus on school and work. A very very bad experience with a douchebag that I met in real life pushed me to take an active instance towards dating to find a better guy. Long story short, I signed up at an online dating site, started going on dates, and less than two months later, I met a wonderful guy off that site. Now we've been very happy together for more than a year. When people ask us how we met, we tell them we met online and no one bat an eye. In fact, before people know where we met, I've got multiple people asking how I snagged such a hot guy :), so just because you do online dating, doesn't mean you're ugly and a social misfit or your real-world presence is miserable. In fact, the overall caliber of the guys I met online are way higher than the guys I met in real life, both in terms of physical looks and professional achievements. Of course, that is not true for every online guy I went on a date with. But there're bad apples everywhere, online and offline. I'm sharing my story to let you know that there're people out there just like you. It's normal to feel anxious and nervous in your instance, I was that way too. But it gradually went away after a couple of dates. Also, keep your expectation low helps alleviate some of the nervousness. I treat my first dates as a way to meet new people, that's it. Even if there's no romantic connection, you can still have a nice conversation with someone. Have your friends proofread your profile. You might need to tweak your profile several times to get the best response. Make sure you have good pictures of yourself up, be specific in terms of your interests as well as what you're looking for. Saying things like I enjoy reading, walking on the beach is not as helpful as saying I enjoy reading Stephen Hawking because... or I enjoy walking on the beach to relax after a long day, especially XXX beach, I would love to do so with that special someone. When you message someone, just a friendly Hi, I'm so-and-so, mention a personal fun fact from that person's profile and maybe one of your shared interests or a witty remark. Keep it simple and short. Being a guy, you'll have to take the initiative and send out messages. Don't get discouraged if you don't have a good response rate right away. Sometimes these things are just numbers and luck. But it's like finding a good job, you only need one right person :) Move things from online to offline quickly. Keep things online means you could be building a fantasy relationship in your head when the real person does not meet that high expectation. It's much better if you arrange a meeting after you message back a couple of times to see if you have in-person chemistry to avoid wasting each other's time. Feel free to message me if you want more advice. I hope you find that special someone soon.

Space Kitty nails it. I am attractive enough but a bit shy. I now and then meet someone face-to-face, but I have a much easier time with online dating because I know my date is looking to meet someone and thinks he might be interested in me. And I know that he can spell and is not a Republican. :) I date a lot of very geeky men. This is how the best dates with geeks have gone: - talk a bit of geek, but then ask me questions about myself. Where am I from? What do I do? Do I like my job? - Smile at me - Remember you don't need to prove that you're smart. I know it. I want to see if we can relax and be comfortable together. - Do not watch the TV behind my head unless you are 100% positive you never want to see me again

I don't know anyone who is interested in dating that does not participate in online dating. It's the norm, not the exception, for meeting people.

Honestly, I got over the block by realizing that meeting someone at a bar or party isn't much different from pre-selecting someone online to meet up with you at a bar. In both cases, you're meeting up with strangers that you probably won't get past the first date with (nothing wrong with you or them; it's just hard to get the right kind of chemistry going). If anything, you're more likely to go on a second date with someone you met online, since you'll have more in common and more to talk about. Also, I was still mildly ashamed of online dating until I noticed that many of my real-life friends and acquaintances were also on the same site (OkCupid, if you're curious). It's becoming pretty commonplace, even though no one talks about it. It's not easy to meet people, period--online dating just widens the pool of people you can meet. I'd suggest you think of online dating as a supplement to your social life, not a solution. I was/am pretty introverted and quiet, but I'm finding that the more I date, the easier it gets for me to make conversation and hit on people I like. Even if the date goes nowhere--I've gotten more practice and a little more game. It's also been a useful exercise in helping me identify what I like and what kinds of people are really compatible with me. Mechanics--well, I'm female, so I don't think my experience will be particularly helpful to you. I'd only suggest that you make a profile that is very reflective of who you are--your sense of humor, your strong opinions, and your quirks. Post an honest picture of yourself. Also--try to have fun with it! If it makes you miserable or desperate, you won't get much out of it.

I'm just going to put this bluntly: do you think you are an attractive person? You mentioned that you are in good shape, but I'm talking about being handsome/"traditionally" attractive. It does sounds like you have some good qualities about you; however, I think that a key element to any successful relationship is having a serious, mutual attraction to another person. That being said, really start asking your (female) friends on how you can improve your look. Also, don't bash the college binge drinking; find me an ex-frat guy who's 29 years old and still a virgin. Ditching swing dancing for a night at a bar might do you some good.

Try to think of online dating as going to a different kind of party. These are all people you just haven't run into yet in your city and this is an awesome way to meet them! It doesn't mean it's the ONLY way you can meet these people but it's likely to be a bit easier than roaming your city hoping to bump into a single lady with similar interests.

I also want to add that online dating is much easier for me than real life, because if someone contacts you online, you know that they're interested in dating you, whereas when you meet someone in real life, you don't know if that person is only being friendly in a platonic sense or interested in you romantically. You'll have to find that out, but in online dating, it's much more straight forward. So it saves you time. You also know if they're looking for a relationship or just sex based on their profile. When you don' have a lot of relationship experience, these things can be difficult and awkward to bring up. Again, online dating saves you a lot of headaches here.