Should I get either of my step-siblings baby-warming gifts?

I would get them both the same thing. A card, maybe with a gift card to Target or Wal-Mart or Babies R Us. I think a gift card to a major store like that will let them decide if they want to use your gift for essentials or something frivolous, which takes the burden of that decision off you. I would keep the amount fairly low if you're concerned about offending them. Maybe $25? Or suck it up and pay to ship http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2440135&cp=&sr=1&f=Taxonomy%2FTRUS%2F2255957&origkw=johnson&kw=johnson&parentPage=search http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2404652&cp=&fbn=Brand+Name+Secondary%7CJohnson+%26+Johnson&f=Taxonomy%2FTRUS%2F2255957&f=PAD%2FBrand+Name+Secondary%2FJohnson+%26+Johnson&fbc=1&parentPage=search that are still a little gifty. On preview: I like the books idea too. You'll probably also be fine with a simple card and no special message. However, if you wanted, you could go with heartfelt with both cards. Perhaps say to #1 that you are sorry you didn't get to celebrate the birth of her son earlier (I think even if you don't say anything about your reaction at the time, she certainly noticed your silence). For #2, I would say congrats and that you were excited to learn you'd be sharing a name with the newest addition to the family. For both, you could even say that you're thinking of them and would like for the two of you to be closer (if that's true). If you really felt daring, you could say that you sense a gulf between you and you're sorry for any actions on your part that may have led to that (and hope that this new birth signifies a new beginning, etc). You know better than us what is appropriate in these cases. Personally, I think you're fine with a "lighter" message, but you sound pretty guilty so maybe you want to go for the whole shebang. Why don't you ask your father and his girlfriend? That will show them that you care and they may know best how the two sisters will react and what you should do.

Don't forget the broader idea that you can make it so much more valuable in non-financial terms by making it personal. For example, what about giving them both a copy of your favorite book from when you were a baby or toddler, with a note saying it was your favorite?

Thank you everybody for your suggestions. I will probably send them each a light-hearted card for mother's day (I hadn't thought of mother's day before, but I think it would be a good opportunity to congratulate them both without making it seem like I'm favouring one over the other because she got a timely gift) where I'll mention that I can't wait to meet the babies, etc., and then bring some small gifts when I visit in September (I'm not so sure about the gift card idea for the same reasons Becko mentioned). I don't think I'll mention the namesake thing beyond "she has a beautiful name", or something along those lines, and maybe wait and see if my stepsister herself says anything about it, because I worry about appearing kind of presumptuous.

send cards and gift certificates for mother's day. it never hurts to be gracious. and in the future, don't overthink this: these women live hard lives and now have small children. they probably don't have a lot of spare time to judge you. and remember the kids on their birthdays in the future. cards and gift certificates are fine. even if you don't have much of a relationship with your stepsisters, if they're chaotic people then the kids will need a little more support.

Why don't you just do whatever you want to do? It's not a matter of etiqueete unless you choose to see it as such.

It is nice to have a special relationship with a child, and it is good for a child to have a special relationship with an adult who doesn't have to treat their siblings etc equally as parents, grandparents, etc do . So I would pick up on the child with your name and plan to make a fuss of her. At the same time, I don't think it is a good idea to leave baby1 out in the cold entirely -- make overtures there too. I would ring mother2 and say you are touched to hear that the baby has your name. Chat and ask "Is there anything you need?" If her request is too expensive say so -- admitting you are strapped for cash may help her feel better -- and negotiate something suitable. Starting with an offer may help her to recognise the price band. I would also ring mother1 and say "Arrgh, I realize that I still haven't given baby1 a gift, what would be appropriate?" Talking on the phone makes it much easier to get your feelings across without misunderstanding. We were hard up when our kids were small, and always dressing them in other people's choices was depressing -- it sounds good to me to offer gift certificates so that they can pick their own fancies. (I come from a culture where you give the baby a gift, not the parent - adapt this if it wouldn't do in yours.)

Mother's Day is coming, and for both, it'll be a FIRST Mother's Day. If you're looking for a reason to give gifts to them both, there's one.

My policy with family is to give generously on important occasions. If you are not sure what to get them, get them gift certificates to places you know (or can find out) that they enjoy. Give them money, if you like - new moms can use it. If you don't give them something on the birth of a child, of all times, you're only perpetuating them seeing you as distant and uncaring (which will, along with you having more money or a better career, reconfirm to them that you are snobby). Send them both gifts they can use, preferably money or money equivalent, along with congratulations, and acknowledge that your dad mentioned one of them gave the child your name, and how touching that is. Ask your dad or own judgment for tips on the amount you'll give them.

A person with class receives all gifts, which could possibly have been chosen by a well-meaning person in good faith, with graciousness. Never confuse "poor" with "lacking class". There are poor people with and without class. There are rich people with and without class. If they were not poor, would you have excused their classlessness over and over? I don't see why these ladies, who caused you heartache when you gave them gifts before, deserve more gifts from you. It sounds like they treat you badly in other ways too, maybe even treating you with prejudice because of your financial status. That goes both ways, you know. It's no more acceptable when a poor person does it. I think you should definitely send cards with a congratulatory note.