Dentist is Scary. How to get over it?

Definitely find a new dentist, one with whom you are comfortable sharing your fears and who is willing to help you work through them. I guarantee that most, if not all, of the $20,000 I've had to spend in the last 3 years for extensive and horrible dental surgery, could have been avoided by routine and timely dental care: do not fuck around with your dental health.

Getting those biannual checkups is vital to keeping dentally healthy as well as catching anything that can rapidly deteriorate. Your teeth may feel fine but you just don't know unless a dentist is taking a look and cleaning off the plaque that builds up regardless of all the brushing and flossing we may do. I'm seconding and thirding finding the right dentist. I was also terrified of the dentist and still to this day experience anxiety when going to the dentist. Luckily I found a dental practice with some really great dentists and hygienists. They are really gentle caring people. Unfortunately by that point my dental health had deteriorated somewhat and I had to go through some procedures to regain some of my dental health and retain my teeth. Ask people for recommendations and you yourself might have to shop around a bit to find a dentist you can (tolerate) appreciate. One note, you mention that one of the things that bothers you is that "They chide me relentlessly for my childhood's poor-care." Chiding relentlessly is never a good thing but at the same time if the dentist doesn't give you a stern talking to at least when you first meet, I would be worried. The dentist is supposed to care about our teeth and that means putting the fear of god (or tooth decay) in us. My dentist gave me this stern talking to when I first started going there but it's gotten much more positive since I've really begun to care for my teeth and keeping my visits. I would hope that this would be the case for any caring dentist. Who wants to be criticized all the time? Good luck.

As far as the anaesthetic not working, ask your dentist about the possibility of divergent neuroanatomy. The nerve that deals with your teeth ordinarily has two branches, but in some people -- myself included -- it has three. Hit two and miss the third, and you can still feel everything. I also have nerves that cross sub-lingually, so everything they do on one side of my jaw I can feel on the other side. Yeah, dental work is a fuckin' picnic, let me tell you. anyway. My solution is 1) nitrous 2) valium 3) they just shoot my entire face full of so much novocaine that I can barely drool. They do the nitrous and the valium even for cleanings, if I need it -- it's been ages since I did, but damn, it was sure nice to have at first, when I was terrified after years of high-pain dental work. The last time I had a filling done, I could still feel the drilling, and I told them so. They re-shot me with novocaine and cranked the nitrous up to full, and when they came back ten minutes later and said "How do you feel now?" and I tried to say "Grateful to live in a time and place where the standard of care with regards to patient comfort is to ensure that no pain is felt whatsoever" but what came out was "Graaaaaaaaaah." So, yeah. Anxiolytics, nitrous, and tell them that you might need more shots than you thought. Trust me, with enough valium on board, you won't even care.

I've had a ton of dentist's appointments in my (short) lifetime, so I definitely feel your pain. Seconding the music player advice. What got me through my wisdom teeth removal was humming music to myself. I wish that I would have had my iPod with me. Bring music (something happy!) and hum along, it will really help! When you're at the dentist's chair, keep reminding yourself that whatever happens, the appointment will end soon and you will get on with your day. You will not be sitting there forever. Reward yourself with something you enjoy when the appointment is over.

My dentist prescribes me massive amounts of Ativan for every visit, including cleanings.

I recently started having dental anxiety. I'm 31 and it only took one bad experience to take me over the edge. But, since then I have had very tolerable, even pleasant dental experiences, both cleanings and fillings. I notice that you have a somewhat paranoid and, frankly, bad attitude about dentists. Dentists and hygienists aren't out to get you (or me, for that matter). I am not sure if just encouraging you to change your attitude would help (such as a reality check), or whether this is an issue for you and a counselor to deal with. The truth is, there are good dentists and there are bad dentists, just as there are good mechanics and bad mechanics, good chefs and bad chefs. Dentists apply their skill, education, expertise and passion for healthy teeth and tissue to each person with different results. Those results are both in our control (brushing, flossing, etc) and outside of our control (genetics). It's up to you to do your best at taking care of your teeth and mouth--your dentist will do his/her best, in turn. If you don't like your dentist--change practices. Call a dentist up ahead of time and have a chat with the receptionist to find out about the dentist. Ask your friends who they see. In short, be comfortable with who you see, but also make an effort to meet the dentist halfway and don't discount him or her before the fact. Another thing that has helped me is anti-anxiety medication. I take an Ativan about 30 minutes prior to my procedure, with my dentist's consent. I also use the laughing gas. Not only does this relax me, but the gas helps the anesthetic work better in my body. And it's not an unpleasant feeling, either. Your dentist and/or PCP can prescribe Ativan or Xanax in a low dose to be taken prior to dental work or cleanings. Taking ibuprofen beforehand, again with the dentist's consent, is another good suggestion, as this will head off inflammation. Check with your dentist about the dose you'll need. If the anesthetic makes your heart race, check to see if you can get it without the epinepherine. That is what gives you the out-of-control feelings. Once I started getting the anesthetic without epi, it made a world of difference. You mentioned a lot of reasons that are seemingly out of your control, such as "they leave me" and "they chide me." The best thing for this is preparation. If you're worried about getting bored, bring something to read or otherwise entertain yourself (cell phone, video game, iPod, etc). I've not yet been to a dentist office that isn't full of magazines, and many of them now have TVs in each exam room. If you're worried about them scolding you for bad dental hygiene, all you have to say is "Well, I realize that I didn't take the best care of my teeth earlier in life, but I'm here now and I want to fix things. Do you have any suggestions?" The key is, anticipate what will happen, rehearse it in your mind and have a plan in place. This type of preparation never fails to make me feel more at ease in any situation, be it job interview, tax audit or any other root canal-like process! I really hope this advice helps you. There are many good responses to your question. Best of luck and I hope you are proactive about this.

Dentists get paid for doing tooth-work, not for preventing future tooth-work There are dentists that do actually care about prevention a lot. See http://www.wcmidentistry.com/.

Little things that might help you get through the visit (other than seeing a dentist who specializes in anxiety OR often a family practice dentist--compared to the little kids, you're a joy): 1) Take ibuprofen or another anti-inflammatory, assuming it is not unhealthy for you, an hour before the appointment. 2) Bring an iPod or other music player and listen to it while stuff is going on. It helps with the noise. 3) This sounds so stupid but...bring sunglasses. It helps with the glare. 4) Bring something fun to read while you wait. I have a very small mouth and the worst gag reflex ever, plus a fear of needles and some bad experiences. And the Novacaine doesn't really work and I have an irrational fear of laughing gas. These things help me, though YMMV. I have also found that if I talk to the dentist before hand and explain that I have a bad gag reflex and can't deal with the water thingee and am anxious that the good ones will work with me. They may think I'm amusing, but they'll work with me.

One more thing, if you are taking care of your teeth now, (brushing and flossing regularly) the visits are much less scary because there won't be anything wrong with your teeth. If you can work your way up to having your cleaning twice a year you will rarely have any problems. And there are dentists and hygenists out there who won't chide you... I always got that too and I hate it.