Second date filter: How long to wait for the second date phone call?

I hate dating rules. They're lame. But the dating rules, as I understand them, are as follows: after a date, the woman waits needlessly by the phone. The man is to wait three days and then call. However, those rules suck. I say if you want to call him, you should do it. He'd probably be flattered to hear back from you, and it gets the ball rolling sooner. And if he doesn't want a second date, at least you know right away instead of worrying over it. Given that it's the holiday season, he likely won't be able to see you again right away. If he says "Oh, I'm really busy, I'll call you again some other time..." or something general like that, then he may not be interested. If he gives you some specifics ("I'm busy for the next few days, but would love to see you Thursday or Friday.") then you're good to go.

Interesting to see so many people say 'rules are for idiots' but if the genders were reversed, he'd be "creepy" and "pushy" for calling too soon. IMrecentE, the "rules" are only applicable when at least one person (either gender) hasn't clearly reached the "I'm really interested in you" threshold. The three-day buffer a) shows that you are genuinely interested and b) gives the other person enough time to breathe in case they are not as interested. If you haven't clearly won them over after one date, you may have to play your cards exactly right to keep things going. Call an uninterested person too soon and they will most likely think you're pushy or creepy for trying to rush things. But if you think things went well, you feel strongly enough about the person and you have the guts to go all-or-nothing, you don't need the safety of the rules. Throw them out the window. The potential payoff is great (and shows that rules are often a load of shit), but you have to be OK with the risk of scaring off someone who may not be on the same page as you -- because they may still be following the rules. (The problem is figuring out who's playing by the rules and who isn't...but that's how the Dating Game goes. Lose, and you move on. Win, and you've won.)

If you met online, is email or chatting an option? Might be less obtrusive. I asked someone out in the library at school once. We saw a movie, I was ambivalent, and she sorta acted like she wasn't free after that. I saw her eight months later and she was engaged, and she sounded angry when she told me, like I had done something. Humanity is ineffable.

There is no way we can tell you if he will call again. Not if you gave us video and a transcript. As for how long you should wait for his call, I think you have two choices, depending on whether or not you are willing to call him. Either decide you would like him to call, and give up on the idea of him ever calling now, or decide you would like to call him, and give yourself a deadline. Assuming the date was this weekend, and Monday is Christmas, I say call on Tuesday. Do not decide you'd like him to call and then call him in two weeks when he hasn't called you. It will be the most ackward phone call of your life.

Mike: So how long do I wait to call? Trent: A day. Mike: Tomorrow. Sue: Tomorrow, then a day. Trent: Yeah. Mike: So two days? Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days. Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard. Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it's like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think? Sue: Yeah, but two's enough not to look anxious. Trent: But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you... Mike: Yeah, but you know what, mabey I'll wait 3 weeks. How's that? And tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and I just happened to run into her number. Charles: Then ask her where you met her. Mike: Yeah, I'll ask her where I met her. I don't remember. What does she look like? And then I'll asked if we fucked. Is that... would that be... T, would that be the money? Trent: You know what. Ha ha ha Mike, laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who's ready to party. Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies? Trent, Sue: Six days.

I am a 36 year old man. I will be 37 in two weeks. You should call him if you would like to go out again. Why not? If for some reason he has doubts about your interest, then he might not call. That is the reason that you call. If calling him scares him off (you are too interested or stalking, etc), then he is ultimately a superficial idiot that you don't want to waste your time on anyway. Hopefully, he will call you anyway. I would very much enjoy it if a woman called me after a first date.

Definitely don't call too soon. Traditionally the guy pursues the girl and it's a little offsetting (to me at least) if the girl is very pushy/forward about things. The advice from Swingers is actually pretty good. If you haven't heard in a week, then a call would be appropriate. The holidays are a really busy time though so don't feel like you missed out if the call takes a while. A casual phone call from you is fine anytime. Good luck!

A friend of mine, gorgeous, brilliant, successful (you've seen her on TV) went on a date with a guy she thought was terrific. There were major sparks at dinner, they ended up making out on the street for hours, it was in all respects the best date ever. He never called her again. The point being: men are insane. Call him or send a "thanks for a great evening, want to go out again?" email - then you'll know.

Call. The suitcase nuke may already be in the trunk of a car headed your way.