Find solution
How to make a thread wait until another thread finishes?

So I Guess He Wasn't Into Me?

  • Is He Just Not That Into Me: Part Deux Hey guys! So I have a little update about the situation I shared last week here. I'd love to hear your thoughts. I'm going to re-post a portion of the back story from last week for anyone who didn't get a chance to read it. So there's this guy I'm cybercrushing on ... He's a model who's moving to the city I live in three months. There are four of us on this social networking website who have bonded and I've met the other two in person. Three weeks ago, one of them posted a video of him, me, and another dude about some random stuff. We all have photos posted of ourselves on this social networking website so it's no mystery to the guy I have a crush on what I look like. But in the video I had a voice and personality. He sent me a message saying, "You are really handsome ... more than you let on. Just saw the video. Very handsome indeed!" Later we were chatting about gay dating and ethnicity. I was saying that since I'm not white (I'm South Asian) a lot of people can't really figure out where I'm from and probably aren't into darker skinned guys like me. He said, "I like 'em swarthy :)" So I thought maybe he's flirting with me. But before that he was saying that he has a type. There are exceptions but his type is a white guy in his mid-30s with dark hair. And I obviously don't fit that description. Last week, I asked whether he's really just not into me because I'm not his type physically. Most of you said it's impossible to know right now so just keep flirting and see what happens. Well ... we chatted a couple of times online this past weekend. He was asking me what's the best neighborhood to live in once he moves here and where he could work part-time before getting into modeling. The second time we chatted we went back and forth for two hours. He said I was a shining example of a gay man, asked me loads of questions about my cultural and ethnic background (when I felt like I was rambling he said "I'm 10000% interested"), said he was sorry that in one online discussion forum he judged me too quickly (because back then he didn't know me as well), told me my name sounds beautiful, and when we were signing off he said "Good night, panda!" (yes, I cringed too, but I guess it was cute :) But last night on this same social networking/discussion website we were talking about some random issue. This guy in my city started asking him when he was moving here and said "You're cute." My crush sort of blew the guy off on that public thread with a "Thanks. But I promise you. I'm not that great." Then somehow the city I live in came up in discussion on the thread and he said, "I'll be museuming, concerting, going to the park, conquering the city! CScott, can't wait for you to join me, buddy." My stomach buckled ... buddy? Four days after showering me with compliments and after personally messaging me to tell me I'm really handsome, now I'm in the friend zone? Okay so I know this is an overanalysisfest. Forgive me. I WAS thinking ... maybe this guy likes me ... I mean he's told me he thinks I'm very attractive, says I'm a shining example of a gay man, says goodbye in what seemed like a somewhat affectionate tone (but maybe he's just weird), says he's "10000% interested!" in learning about my cultural background ... And now I'm his buddy. Okay okay ... this is ridiculous because I haven't even met him in person yet and I'm already trying to figure out EXACTLY what he's thinking/feeling. But all I want to know is if this is an obvious "let's just stay friends" situation so that I don't waste any time thinking there's potential when he gets here. ::Sigh:: Hard to figure shit out online. Curse the blasted internet! ::he writes as he finishes typing his Metafilter question:: ;)

  • Answer:

    I think he is into you. But, I also think that you need to focus less on him because (1) he's not even here yet! and (2) when moving to a new city he might want to explore more options than just you. That does not mean that he doesn't like you - of course he does - but I would say to be careful and not get attached before anything happens. If you guys do start dating and you do see him as someone who won't just want to meet guys in a new city, then you can start thinking more about everything he says.

cscott at Ask.Metafilter.Com Visit the source

Was this solution helpful to you?

Other answers

Haha

cscott

I am a lady, and call my male partner "buddy" often, usually in a flirtatious way. I also call my cat "buddy" a lot of times (not his name), and often call other drivers on the freeway "buddy" as they do dangerous maneuvers that put others' lives in danger. The moral of my story is that 'buddy' means damn near nothing, so it's basically worthless to get stuck on it.

so_gracefully

Look at it this way: think of how awkward it would be if the two of you met after three months of exchanging steamy e-mails... and just didn't click in person. The guy seems interested, but it also seems like he doesn't want to make promises he isn't sure he can keep, which is totally understandable. It's hard to express interest without being sure that you aren't stringing someone along in a purely on-line medium - dude's just trying to do the right thing until you guys can meet and figure out what's really there between you. This is a smart strategy, so chill; it'll happen if/when it happens. (Also: he is moving to a new city soon? This is a pretty big change for anyone, so it's little wonder he's non-committal and looking for someone to hang out with first and foremost. Doesn't mean he's totes uninterested, but cut the guy some slack if he doesn't immediately propose when the two of you meet.)

ellehumour

now I'm in the friend zone? You've never met him before -- where else are you supposed to be?

Jaltcoh

Let's look at this another way. Why do you want to know EXAAAACTLYYYYY how he feels? EXACTLY what his definition of his feelings for you are? Pretend that AskMefi unanimously decides that this guy is in love with you. So what? Are you going to fly to where he is? Are you going to end all your current relationship/attachments? Are you going to start tearing out pictures of your favorite wedding cakes or the gay-male equivalent? Pretend that AskMefi unanimously decides that he hates you and/or only wants to be friends. Are you willing to be just friends with him or will you stop talking to him altogether? Will you go out and fuck the first guy you see? Will you start exploring your other options romantic-wise? Determine whether and how your behavior would change with the answer to "how he feels about you." And think about whether it's reasonable. To me, the answer is irrelevant. Go on with your life, preferably permanently but at least for the next three months. However, to be completely hypocritical, I'm going to weigh in on his feelings. So he's complimenting you all the time. Guys have said to me, and to girlfriends of mine, variations of "Wow you're so great/beautiful/smart/sweet, I don't understand why you don't have a boyfriend." Meanwhile, these are guys whom I'd like to be my boyfriend. These guys usually just want to sleep with me and nothing more. The non-commital compliments are just their way into my pants. It's usually not malicious or even conscious. So my feeling is that this is what he's doing right now. But obviously it could all change in either direction when you meet in person.

thebazilist

Buddy is a good sign, he wants to get to know you, spend time with you, go to museums with you, leave your bedroom...he wants to know you as a person and a friend. AND he thinks you're hot. THIS IS THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS! This is where the friend zone and the sex zone overlap and after time and hard work, it turns into the fulfilling relationship zone.

kathrineg

Alright I totally knew I was gonna get SLAMMED for this one because it IS a massively painful exercise in overthinking. And (believe it or not) I'm actually a pretty socially well-adjusted guy when it comes to making and having friends. But throw romance/sex/love in the equation and I turn into a total nervous wreck. Lack of experience? Personality disorder? Lack of self-esteem? I don't know. Anyway ... it does make sense to wait until he gets here and see what does (or doesn't) develop. Thanks again, guys! And sorry for making you go through this!

cscott

Thanks again, guys! And sorry for making you go through this! No problem, buddy! (Note how my use of the endearment completely fails to comment on my theoretical interest in sleeping with you!)

hermitosis

Hazyjane, that's true. From what I gather, he's a relationship kinda guy. Even though he's in his mid-late-twenties like me, he's dated older white guys with dark hair in the past (between ages 30 and 45). That's his "power dating range." He said he was offered to model in another city he lived in but wasn't able to go through with it at the time. But you're right ... haven't met him and have no confirmation of anything he's saying. And I've noticed that he enjoys receiving compliments ... which isn't a bad thing, but seems weird to me because I'm the type to be like "Aww shucks, you're sweet, stop it." So ya ... we'll see. Ugh, I need to go on dates more often. It's been a while. No wonder I'm sitting around thinking about this dude!

cscott

Load more

Related Q & A:

Just Added Q & A:

Find solution

For every problem there is a solution! Proved by Solucija.

  • Got an issue and looking for advice?

  • Ask Solucija to search every corner of the Web for help.

  • Get workable solutions and helpful tips in a moment.

Just ask Solucija about an issue you face and immediately get a list of ready solutions, answers and tips from other Internet users. We always provide the most suitable and complete answer to your question at the top, along with a few good alternatives below.