How to get on track to make major life decisions with the best outcome for me and my son?

I would guess that the underlying issue your mother has is a belief that you married a carbon-copy of your dad, and she'd like to see you do what she wishes she'd done, before she dies. Is that a possibility? If it is, then maybe spend some time talking to her about what she wishes she'd done, her hopes and dreams for you, what's she's learned in her life and can pass along to you. Then, with her go to a lawyer and discuss trust funds for you and your child, or other possible ways of keeping the money "in the family" and in your control even in the event of a divorce.

First, take a deep breath. Do you really need to make all these decisions while your mom is dying? First, if your parents don't want to leave anything to your husband and you're unsure about the marriage, it seems to me that this should be a no brainer. Have them go to a lawyer explain that they'd like to leave what they have to you and your children. This should be pretty simple for any competent Wills and Trusts lawyer. If you and your husband end up staying together you can always use the money left to you for joint expenses like the kid's college or home improvements, etc. That way he doesn't feel left out. Second, I have a rule with myself that I'll share with you. I don't make major life decisions when I'm upset or angry. This prevents me from walking out on my job when I'm really angry at my boss, etc. If you're mom is dying and you're upset, it's probably not a good time to make a permanent decision about your marriage. Why don't you work on improving things with your husband (therapy?) and defer any decisions about that until you're in a better place.

I don't have much advice for the other points but it sounds like your therapist is not helping much. A therapist is not there to tell you what to do, or even to proffer an opinion, they are there to help you clarify your thoughts and feelings in order to make the best decision for you. If this is not happening, ditch the therapist. You've got a lot on your plate right now and you need support, not judgement. Hugs to you.

You need to separate these issues, because otherwise whatever decision you make will feel like it wasn't yours, i.e. you were forced into it. - Tell your parents to leave the money to your son, maybe with you as trustee as noted by others. It's probably the only way to be absolutely certain that your husband doesn't get ahold of some of that money. If your parents are as low on time as it sounds, a divorce probably couldn't be completed before they died, and if it couldn't he'd probably petition to be given some of it. No such issue if it's in your sons name only. - Make your stay or go decision completely independent of what your parents do/say, and it might well be advantageous to defer that decision until after they've passed. You're going to have a lot to deal with already when they do, no sense piling more on yourself. They probably feel they're subtly pushing you for your own good, and would love to see him gone before they go, but let's be crass: tough. It's not like you'll need to consider their feelings for very much longer. - Once all that is done, that's when you sit down and decide what is best for you and your son. It'll probably be divorce, honestly, your husband isn't likely to change at this point. For what it's worth... I am/was a kid whose mother "hung in" too long, only to eventually divorce anyway (twice). Yes, divorce resulted in a fair bit of misery and drama -- but being poor in a stable house was still better than being fairly well off in an unstable one.

Also, I loved this comment: "If you've made choices in your life that need correcting, there is no value in telling yourself that you're just going to keep making the same or worse choices so therefore it's not worth correcting the current situation. It's not true. It's just a way of tricking yourself into staying where you are." It's absolutely true. You can only make the best decision you can at any given point based on your knowledge and the information you have at the time. It does very little good to second guess the past, it is only useful to decide what you will do differently today.

I'm just going to address the financial management / budgeting issue in my comment, but I really hope that the rest works out for you. My husband is a professional poker player, so I have a lot of experience dealing with a husband's income that fluctuates a lot. I've learned a bit on how to do it without going crazy. The biggest problem is spending like every month is a good month, so you've got to set things up to avoid that. Here is what I suggest: Set up 4 bank accounts. 1. Household: Your salary goes in, non-discretionary household living expenses come out. (Hopefully your take-home salary can cover all your non-discretionary living expenses; if not, work on reducing your expenses and increasing your salary.) This way you don't have to worry about whether you'll be able to pay the mortgage, car insurance, etc. from month to month, since you'll be paying for all that stuff out of the stable income. I suggest you be in charge of managing this account, since you seem to be more skilled with these details. Then come to an agreement with your husband on how to divide his income between luxuries and long-term financial goals. Do it on a percentage basis, so that your discretionary spending and saving automatically rises and falls with his income level. Split the luxuries portion evenly into "his" and "her" spending money. So, those accounts would be: 2. Joint savings: Best if you can set this up so that both your signatures are required to withdraw money. As money accumulates in this account you can agree on how you want to reallocate it to long-term investments. 3. "His" (account in his name only) that he can spend on whatever he wants 4. "Hers" (account in your name only) that you can spend on whatever you want (So maybe 50% of his post-tax income to savings, 25% to him, 25% to you, or whatever percentages work for you.) I think the separate accounts are important so that it's very clear what money is for what. Since he doesn't seem to understand (or want to think about) abstract financial concepts, this will probably make it a lot easier for him to grasp your overall financial picture. This arrangement may even motivate him to work harder on making his business make more money, since how much he can spend will be directly linked to how much he makes. Also, most men take pride in being able to provide nice things for their wives, so he'll be able to see how making more money allows him to pay for more nice things for you too. This will be a lot more visible and concrete to him than his income going into one big abstract pool of money that bills and everything else comes out of and he doesn't really keep track of.

Could it be that these persistent calls, which are ostensibly to get you to answer will-related questions, are really just an indirect way of pressuring you to divorce? In any case, tell your parents to consult their lawyer about appropriate language to make sure that what they want to happen happens. How would you feel about divorce if it weren't for the expense, hassle and fear? Because if you're ready for divorce, then the hassle and expense aren't good reasons to avoid it for any length of time. Yeah, it sucks, but many, many people do it every day. Yeah, it means giving up on some of the things you've dreamed of (happy family together for birthdays, etc.), but divorce doesn't kill the possibility of such happiness, it just forces you to acknowledge and accept the disappointment you already feel. The good news is that it also opens the door to real possibilities you may not have even imagined yet. Also, consider getting a new therapist.

An estate planner is probably the way to go for your parents. It will help them, and get them off your back. The daily phone calls sound like it's making you even crazier than dealing with their impending death will do. A trust can be set up for your son where you are the trustee...but your husband is not, and those assets are not joint assets in a divorce. (I am not a lawyer, get one...I don't know how to set up those trusts, but a good estate lawyer does.) Relationship: Money causes more divorces and relationship problems than almost anything else. As someone who has owned a failing business...it's really hard to let go. You keep thinking that just "X will fix it, Y will solve this problem"...it's hard to give up on a dream, and that may be where your husband is. Or, ya know, he may just be financially irresponsible. Some folks are. Only you can determine if that's a deal breaker for you. Keep in mind that with a new baby, stress is running high anyway. You're not getting enough sleep, you're worrying about Junior, you're juggling a new person in your life that depends on you for everything...and it's a lot of stress. I'm so sorry about everything you've got headed at you at the same time. That's a hard place to be, and an even harder place to maintain. I recommend getting your parents some help with their estate, getting some budget plans in place for your own household, defining what is dealbreaker behavior from your husband, and move towards a clearer path either with him, or without him...but stop letting his behavior cloud your reality. All of which is easier said than done, I realize. Divorce is rarely that expensive unless there's a huge fight about assets, which it doesn't sound like your husband would be motivated enough to do, because he probably doesn't have a handle on what the actual assets *are*. But again; that's something for an attorney to discuss with you. As the primary income earner, your odds of being the custodial parent are high, and your odds of paying alimony are low. Most judges don't award alimony to men. Sexist? Perhaps, but in your favor for a change. You have to define: what would make the sun shine in my life again? What is the best path forward for my son? What is the best path forward for me? Then, step on that path, and go. Best of luck!

Do you love your husband? No, really. Do you love him? Do you like him? Does he make you laugh? Is there ANY good reason to stay married to him other than that divorcing him would be difficult and expensive and scary? Because it really doesn't sound like it here. It also sounds like the other sorts of stress (financial and surrounding your inheritance) would disappear if you got divorced. I'm not DTMFA by a long shot. But you haven't listed a single reason not to, and I think that's telling.