how the hell did you get pregnant

• My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for about 15 months. Not sure what to do and would LOVE to hear about people's experiences of getting pregnant after trying for a long time. What route did you take? What worked for you? Do's and Don't's? (I have read "Taking charge of your fertility" so please don't recommend this :) )Many many details inside. I am 31 and he is 32. We have been trying since mid-08. I have been pregnant twice before with a previous partner - I had terminations both times because I wasn't ready and our relationship was a total trainwreck. That was in 2003/04. My husband and I --who I should mention are both fit and healthy, eat well, live well, good weight, don't drink a lot, not too stressed, etc-- went to get checked out - My system all looks fine - no blocked tubes, no scar tissue in the uterus (a possible problem from abortions) etc. Also I have been using an ovulation monitor ("Persona") and am pretty certain that I am ovulating. My cycle is very regular. My husband's sperm analysis revealed that his count is high, motility is good, but morphology was not great. It wasn't terrible, but the abnormal rate was higher than what would have been good. The fertility doctor didn't say it was a problem exactly, but that it MIGHT be... He told us about the procedures we could undertake - starting with fertility drugs (Clomid), then failing that, doing a "wash" - insemination to get the sperm past the hostile vaginal environment into the uterus. We haven't done anything yet, are still just "trying naturally". I have read "Taking charge of your fertility". I know all about cervical fluid and it's importance. I know when I'm ovulation thanks to the monitor I use, and also because I can read my body's signs. We time sex carefully. (it's oh so fun...) So my idea about why we are not getting pregnant is that either I don't have enough fertile-quality cervical fluid (I remember it gushing out of me when I was younger, I barely notice it now, and I know there is less when you get older) or my man has not enough normal sperm, or a combination of both. Obviously we'd prefer not to have to go with drugs or insemination, but will if nothing else works. So I would love to hear about your fertility problems and how you overcame them! Please share stories! Did you use herbal remedies or acupuncture to make you more fertile? Any tricks to increase the cervical fluid? (--I have read that an ingredient in Robutussin, "Gaifenesin" loosens the fluid, have you tried this?) Or if you used fertility drugs, how did that go? I would love to hear any stories about your fertility issues and how you dealt with it. --->>>Oh and as an aside, one of my fertility issues that I am finding very hard is being utterly overcome with jealousy and sadness everytime one of my friends announces she is pregnant. It's killing me! I try so hard to be happy for them, but ultimately I think more of myself and my woes. I hate this because it feels so ugly, and I feel so alone in my jealousy and bitterness. Please, please tell me if you struggled with this and if there was anything you could do about it. thank you. (I am not posting this anonymously because I want to be able to respond, I opened a new account specifically to discuss this.)

• Answer:

  I had my first miscarriage at 18, the second at 19, and at 20 I was told I'd never conceive naturally. Devastated is not even the word. I've had 15 years to deal with that, and it still bothers me, a lot. --->>>Oh and as an aside, one of my fertility issues that I am finding very hard is being utterly overcome with jealousy and sadness every time one of my friends announces she is pregnant. It's killing me! I try so hard to be happy for them, but ultimately I think more of myself and my woes. I hate this because it feels so ugly, and I feel so alone in my jealousy and bitterness. Please, please tell me if you struggled with this and if there was anything you could do about it. I struggled with this horribly, and actually poisoned a couple of good friendships because I was overcome with grief and jealousy. I just couldn't stand being around people who were pregnant or had small children, it hurt me so deeply. What did I do about it? I suffered emotionally for years and years, and like I said, let go of some good friendships because when they would complain about being pregnant or complain about their kids misbehaving or whatever, I would be screaming inside, "I WOULD CRAWL OVER BROKEN GLASS TO HAVE THAT PROBLEM!!!" but I could only say, Oh, that sucks. I couldn't even be a good friend, I was so consumed by it. Now, 15 years later, I can (because I have been forced to) appreciate what being "child-free" means. I can go anywhere at the drop of a hat. I never need to find a sitter. I can sleep in. I can do all sorts of adult activities that would be extremely difficult, if not impossible to do with a child. All of my money goes on me and my own hedonism. I can go out dancing every night if I wanted to. I can read a book or a magazine all the way through with no interruptions. I can say yes to every invitation to do something, without hesitation. I can take a never-ending bubble bath. I can jump in my car and go to the store without it being a major operation. I offer that it might be helpful to focus on not what you don't have (which I know, is the only thing you want, I know that, babe) and instead focus on how free you are right now."Child-free" does has its advantages.