How do I get back into the dating world?

• How do I get back into the dating world? For the past couple of years, I lived with my parents and thus, I did not date very much. There were a few "encounters," and a couple of missed opportunities, but nothing other than that. It has been two years since I've had sex, and it seems to be seriously ruining my game. I'm not the most fit or attractive person in the world, but I'm tall, quite funny, and generally sharp. I've never had an abundance of success with women, but I'm pretty sure there is no good reason that I should not be at least casually dating someone. Or a few people! Is there any way to re-teach myself how to date without actually DATING? Because right now, the words do not come to me while trying to communicate with a nubile female. Do I just have to wait for sex to randomly find me in order to get my game back? haha... I tried the book intimate connections at the suggestion of a mefi'er, and it has helped some. thanks for your responses.

• Answer:

  So much to cover in just a tiny MeFi space. First: Perspective. You want to date women who are a "9" or "10"--every man does. This means that (assuming you're American) out of 300,000,000 Americans, 30,000,000 women (that is 20% of women--9s and 10s) are good looking enough for you. Out of those 30M let's say 70% are bitter, happily married, happily involved, not interested in your gender, psycho, or otherwise too much of a pain to deal with leaving you with 30% of 30M who are both gorgeous and looking for someone (you!). This means that 9,000,000 women are available and gorgeous (put a revolving door on that group for incommers and outgoers and you get the idea). Long story made short. Don't practice dating. Just jump in! If you goof it up there are a revolving 8,999,999 women left in the country to date. The numbers are far, far in your favor. Second: Take care of whatever it is you need to take care of now. Thinking about working out? Work out! Sounds like you're young. You can get in shape faster now than when you're old. Thinking about braces? Get 'em! Acne? Clear it up! Bad breath? Tongue scraper! (or dental work or whatever. Figure it out then do it.). Notice I did not say, "Buy an expensive wardrobe." You don't need money. Also, keep your place clean, always. You don't want to stumble onto a date and rush like mad cleaning your place up trying to impress her. Chances are it won't work. Keep your place clean so you don't have to fake it. Third: Understand that 90% of communication is non-verbal so just round it up and assume 100% is non-verbal. That means you don't have to worry too much about your looks (unless you look like Marty Feldman). Doubt me? Just remember the supreme examples of funky looking dudes and their hot dates--Billy Joel and Christy Brinkley, Rush Limbaugh and Marla (I forget her last name), or if you prefer, our big eared President and his wife Michelle. Money? Power? No. It helps but it's not necessary. You do need to make yourself look as good as you can with what you've got. That is important. Maybe you have short or doofy looking friends who somehow date very gorgeous women. Why? How? The answer is non-verbal communication. They "communicate" their attractiveness through their posture, their walk, their "presence," the way they talk (not what they say). A guy who is calm cool and collected will get what he wants far sooner than some doofus prone to nervous laughter and hunched shoulders. So to this end remember pretty much in this order what you need to become: cocky/confident, funny (as in 007 half smirk funny, not Pee Wee Herman yuk yuk funny), relaxed, fun, adventurous, mysterious. Women pay far more attention to this non-verbal stuff than guys. Conversely guys are far more "visual" if you get me. It's simply the way we (and they) are wired. Fourth: Date. Or don't date. The ever stressful "DATE" may be too much prep work, "gaming" etc. to bother with so don't think of it as "dating." Instead meet, chat over Starbucks (or whatever). Hang out. Have fun. No need to get deep on anything yet. Get phone numbers. Lots. I've walked right up to women and the first thing out of my mouth sometimes was, "Lemme get your phone number" and because I carried myself confidently and looked like I knew what the hell I was doing, she gave me her number. . .and those times it didn't work? Oh freakin' well. About 9 million left. Have your own life. Never be needy. Never be clingy. You don't neeeeed a woman to be happy. Remember, you are totally comfortable in your own skin. You are completely fine with who you are and where you're going. This is the key. Not money, power, being a "nice guy" (a.k.a wimpy welcome mat guy) or anything else you learned from people who don't know any better. None of this above is about being something you're not. Every man can be confident. Every man wants to be confident. Every man can be funny etc. Find that inside of you and develop it. And open the door for women. It's cool. It's chivalrous. Just work it into your personality. Oh yeah. And TEASE women! It worked when you were a kid long before you "learned" it was wrong through religion, wrong headed socialization, and MeFites telling you I'm a jerk. Remeber what it was like teasing girls when you were a kid. These were your raw, unbridled, unsocialized, young cave man genes in action. Remember those times. Unlearn that socialization. Relearn how to get that inner cave man to speak to that inner cave woman and you will take off like a rocket. Teasing is fun. It's playful. It is the work of Simba and Mufassa not Scar (Lion King--great movie! Watch it again!). Tease. Be brave and tease. If they don't like teasing, they're not much fun anyway. And there's about 9 million left.