Baby Won't Sleep During the Day. Help!

When my kids were babies I never had them sleep in their beds during the day. I would just put them down in whatever room I was in. I'd put them in their swing, their car seat, the bassinet, on a blanket on the floor, or just leave them in the sling I was wearing. Normally I would sort of narrate my actions to them ("Mommy is folding the laundry now. Isn't this a pretty green towel?") but when it was nap time I would just put them down and let them be. At three months it would usually go like this: Feeding time Change the diaper Swaddle them tightly (My kids loved this) Lay them in their swing (for the boys) or the vibrating bouncy chair (for my daughter) Go about my business The combination of being able to see what was going on and the motion of the swing nearly always did the trick.

Nthing xo and devinemissk that your expectations need adjusting. Also, babywearing is a good idea. My son is 3 months old, and, dude, let me tell you, your kid is sleeping like a champ at night. In fact, he's sleeping so much at night, that he might not be a big napper during the day. That's the tradeoff. (For the record, I would pay cash money for a 7 pm bedtime, one 1 am wakeup, and sleeping till 6.) As a result, we think he's become addicted to cuddles and when he's not getting them during the day, he'll cry and fight sleep until he gets them. I wanted to address one thing in your original post, where you say your baby is becoming "addicted to cuddles." Like cuddles are tobacco and something you have to break your kid of. You can't spoil a baby with loving contact and attention. And I know that it's draining to be at home with a baby all day -- trust me; I'm home with a 3-month-old all day too -- but "demanding attention" -- man, it's what they're supposed to do. It's not something you should be trying to shut off. If your wife needs a break, and it sounds like she does, could you hire help for a couple of afternoons a week, or get help from the aforementioned grandparents or friends? Your wife doesn't need to leave the house even, but an extra set of hands and some company (or being able to pass the baby off and go for a run or whatever) sounds like it would be more helpful than trying to rejigger your kid's (totally normal) sleep pattern. Because you can set up an environment conducive to sleep, but you can't make him sleep. And you and your wife need for her days to be manageable no matter his sleeping schedule. (And anyway, baby sleep is a moving target. The http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/02/qa_what_are_sle.html is just around the corner ...)

FWIW, several people have recommended starting sling research at http://www.thebabywearer.com/. Previous recommendations on baby carriers http://ask.metafilter.com/160584/Which-baby-carrier-should-I-buy. Slings are truly in the YMMV category; if at first you don't succeed, try another style.

It sounds to me like you need to adjust your expectations. As your baby is getting older he's going to be awake more during the day and you'll need to engage with him more and more. The first few months are really stressful because the kid doesn't sleep through the night, but the flip side is that at least the kid sleeps a lot and you end up with more time for yourself. My own experience with my six-month-olds is that as they start to sleep more during the night, while in a way it's a relief because you can sleep longer yourself, on the other hand you have to constantly engage with the kids during the daytime, which can be simply exhausting. It sounds like you want your kid to alternate 1.5 hours awake with 3 hours asleep throughout the day and sleep through the night, in other words, you basically want your kid to sleep all the time. This isn't going to happen. Our kids at 6 months will only sleep little naps of half-hour to one hour if we stay home. To get a two-hour nap out of them we have to go out in the stroller. We've found it best to put them to bed at the same time every morning 2-3 hours after waking for their half-hour nap, then to take them out in the stroller at the same time every afternoon for their longer nap... and to accept the fact that we simply have to play with them constantly for the rest of the time. The routine is good for them but it's also good for us, because then I pretty much know exactly how much is expected of me and when I have to be "on" and when I can shut off. -- That's my two cents; I'm no baby expert, I'm just a guy with a lot of babies.

Another vote for baby wearing. Our little bubs had a terrible time sleeping anywhere other than in our arms, so the ergo carriers (with the infant inserts) saved us all. You mentioned he is looking around at everything, I agree that he's potentially over stimulated. We had success by draping a nice soft muslin wrap over our shoulders (or car seat or whatever) and over the babes head to block out the visual world for a little while. Really helped to calm them down. Of course of course you'll make sure you are not impeding your babies breathing in anyway.

I think a 3-4 hour nap is highly unlikely for a 3 month old. I agree with xo that 45-90 minute naps are what you should be aiming for. I've been told that babies at this age (mine is 2 months old) have sleep cycles that are 45 minutes long, so naps last 1 or 2 sleep cycles. Of course, I am not really one to talk, as my kid only catnaps during the day. Occasionally, she'll take an hour to an hour and fifteen minute nap, but those are rare. Usually she just dozes for 20 minutes at a time. It's exhausting, without a doubt. When I get really weary, I put her in the Moby wrap. She'll usually nap as long as she's in it and not hungry.

Mine have been cat-nappers at this age, too -- 10 minutes here, 20 minutes there, only in swings or car seats, never in the bassinet. The good news is that all three of them started napping much better at around 7-9 months. With the first, I agonized about it and spent all day trying to settle him down. With the second and third, I just put them in a sling and went about my day.

3 months is too early for him to self-settle so don't worry about that right now. How soon after he wakes up in the morning does he take his first nap? Try decreasing that time by 10 minutes at a time until you hit the sweet spot. My first daughter never napped much so it's possible that he won't either. I wish I hadn't spent so much time trying to get her to sleep and just enjoyed her baby time more.

My four month old daughter is somewhat similar. When at home, she'll only nap after nursing on me or next to me. I solved this by wearing her. Hey, look, Ma has free hands! At daycare she naps much better, and my theory on that is that she behaves differently because it's a different place and because she's more stimulated. I also noticed that my daughter sleeps better when not being worn if I significantly reduce the stimuli around her when she's tired. But, really, wearing her in a sling works the best. Just this morning on the way into daycare, she slept nearly the entire hour there in the sling...