I have an awesome job - but I'm too afraid to actually work?

I used to be the world's worst procrastinator and none of the usual advice worked for me. Here's what does work for me: Make yourself a deal. For the next few hours, you WILL NOT do any work on the project itself. You're just going to look over the material you're working with, whatever it is, and make sure all the parts are in place. You just want to make sure everything's set up so you can get going once motivation strikes. 1) In other words, take an inventory of what you've got. If there's something missing, this will reveal what it is. (Whenever I've run into some serious, troubling procrastination, it's almost always because I'm uneasy about the project. Often I'm missing some essential piece of information, but because I haven't reckoned with it explicitly, my confusion feels exactly like some kind of inexplicable internal resistance.) 2) Later, after a break or a meal, find someone to talk to. Doesn't have to be anyone you work with; a tolerant friend will do. Explain the scope of the project to this person: here's what I've got, here's what I'm trying to do with it. 3) Do JUST ONE TINY THING, any one thing, the easiest one you can find. If getting this far doesn't help jumpstart you, memail me.

I'm not sure "afraid" has anything to do with your problem. You need a work ethic. The only way to develop one if it's not been engrained in you is to force yourself to work. You'll get used to it.

I'm a screenwriter, and procrastination is always a danger. (Look at me now!) What works for me is breaking the problem into small chunks that are less daunting. So, try to sketch out exactly the things that you need to, on the broadest level. Then break down the first step into smaller steps. You don't climb a mountain all at once. You climb a mountain step by step.

This sounds almost exactly like my "work" habits when I was clinically depressed. Procrastinating to the point of doing nothing at all, check. Coming in at odd hours to avoid people, check. Sleeping late to avoid going to work, check. Not preparing for and skipping meetings, check. Of course, we can't say for sure whether you're depressed from what you've written here, but it's something to consider as a possibility. Take this http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression/MH00103_D from the Mayo Clinic, and if you get a score which suggests you may be depressed, see a doctor.

I think you should consider quitting and finding a job which is not so self-directed. I happen to need both in my working life, projects which are self-directed bookended by projects where I'm working on a team, producing every day and getting feedback and direction. Too much of my own fuel and I end up kind of puttering around not accomplishing much; too much team time and I start feeling penned in and antsy to just work on stuff and not have so much interaction. I like and need both. You may find that you simply can't do self-direction. It's not clear where you are in life re: career and maturity but it may be bad timing for this kind of job. Also, talk to your doctor, they may have something to recommend.

You need more structure. Maybe that's in the form of better to-do lists, more communication & accountability with your bosses, or even in a new job (or role) altogether. To salvage the current project, I'd start breaking the project down into more easily digestable chunks and break them down into individual tasks. Assign yourself milestones from now to the end of the project; from weekly, daily, down to hourly goals. The smaller the tasks become, the easier it is to tackle them and then I find that I am able to continue once the ball is rolling. As for my personal experience, I worked a few creative/web jobs in my early 20's. I did well in what I did but through circumstance I found myself in the retail world in my mid 20's. My roles were so well defined and so structured that I had no choice but to focus on exactly what needed to get done. On an hourly, daily, weekly basis I was always aware of the tasks that needed to get done. After several years in the industry, I find myself back in a creative role that allows me more open-ended time. However, through the discipline that I learned I am able to focus more on the tasks and I think I am now hitting my creative & professional stride.

I'm a writer who has experienced this in varying degrees throughout my working career. Recognize that fear, AKA "writer's block," often goes with the territory. The presence of fear does present a problem, but the problem is perhaps not what you think it is: it is *not* about making the fear go away so that you can work. The fear may always be there (it is for me in some degree). The trick is to allow the fear to be there, and paradoxically, even to welcome it -- and work anyway. Our reptilian brains interpret fear as a signal to not go forward into dangerous situations. In this case, that sensor is malfunctioning. Override your reptilian brain, even for a few minutes at a time, and allow yourself to learn and experience that in fact, you are not in danger. Don't focus on fixing the sensor; that is, don't over-focus on making the fear go away as a precondition for working.

I had this sort of procrastination when I was younger, and it's really, really painful, so I feel for you. What I'd recommend is looking at the anxiety, perfectionism, and fear of failure behind it. You could try to work your way through the Feeling Good Handbook. When you sit down to try to work and got flooded with thoughts that make you stop, I'd write them down ("if I screw this up I'll never get another job in this field" "what would my family think?") and then look at them. Come up with a mantra that helps you get through this ("i just have to finish" or "i can figure this out step by step" or "i've done harder projects"). Do things like yoga or meditation that get you used to focusing in spite of painful distractions. This project is going to be over soon, but you'll be struggling with this for a while, so I'd start developing methods that let you make progress with what's going on inside your head. For the project itself, create as much outward structure as you can. Try to make this a team project. Realize your weakness in doing those step-by-step things and your need for help. Tell your supervisor that you'd appreciate some help setting up some internal check-in points to help you keep on track. (That's actually what supervisors get paid to do.) Tell them that you're really good at carrying things out, and you have a lot of thoughts about the consulting product, but that since you don't know the organization's situation as well as she does, you'd really like to figure out the best way to use the remainder of the time and the most important intermediate steps to take. Also, do what tangerine says. My best "procrastination" is to organize my desk and get the papers I need all in one place. You're not trying to work, you're just getting set up so you can work later... By the way, this assignment sounds super-intimidating. Developing a whole new consulting product on your own? Don't feel bad about asking your supervisor for help with this one. Your best bet is to get all of your best ideas on paper soon and then start getting people to give you feedback on it because your first draft is going to have a lot of holes you can't see. It's really about making your idea work for their situation, so you need to get your idea in front of people and probably detach from it. What's probably going to make it work or not work has nothing to do with you and everything about the market, the politics, the relationships, the resources of their situation. You can't even figure that out on your own -- you just need to put out your idea and let insiders tell you how to make the idea work, and how to make it appeal to the key decision-makers, based on a hundred factors you don't and can't know. But circling back to my first point -- that sort of thing is going to be hard to do, probably, due to something that's going on inside your head ("she's right, i suck, this idea is terrible") and starting the long process to become aware of, and take the sharp edge off of, thoughts like that will make your whole life better.

This is in response to a memail asking what I do to treat my ADD. First: DON'T LOSE HOPE! It will work out and you will find a way. I don't take any meds. I found a job that played to my strengths after a few really bad work experiences. Ask other people what you're good at. Don't do anything involving filing or organizing or keeping track of things or super attention to detail...basically, don't become a librarian, an office manager or an accountant. I'm a nanny. I do okay at that, I have the attention span of a 2-year-old which helps me enjoy 2-year-olds. Although I have had a few really bad incidents of forgetting/losing things which is frustrating because it seems like I don't give a shit...which I do, very much. I am thinking about going to grad school but I would need medication for that to really work. There are stimulant and non-stimulant medications. There is a really wide range of stimulant medications, some wear off in an hour, some work all day, there will probably be one that will work for me. It's trial and error. The non-stimulants are newer so I will try them last. Try to get a shrink who SPECIALIZES in ADD, a lot of them don't have experience and will ask "oh, you did well in school/you're a woman? you don't have ADD." It's more complicated than that. In fact, there is a Harvard-trained psychiatrist who went through med school with untreated ADD. He wrote a book, Driven to Distraction. It's a good read. I have a good friend with ADD who takes time-release Adderall and it really works for him. He has done well in his grad program and is starting a successful business. He does well in the work world after having a really difficult time in high school. Last: DON'T LOSE HOPE!