Fix my life, move back to the city, or travel around the world?

one year closer to 35, which seems to be the age at which men are considered "past their sell-by date." Also, I really urge you to abandon this standard. Life for grownups is increasingly varied and complex, and the new population of 35-and-olders reflects that change.

Wow. I'm also a software developer in my late 30's also in NYC. That's just what I was thinking of doing in a couple of months honestly. Its not so crazy of an idea if you think you can get back into the job market after your hiatus. Actually, before this job I did travel a bit on the other side of the pond and was kind of in your state of mind. Kind of down about life, looking for answers after a big breakup. I had my massive drinking bouts, down and out days, etc. I absorbed a LOT of media. Song after song, movie after movie, from different cultures, etc. Met new people. One thing I learned is this: You simply can't know what you don't know so keep an open mind. I've met people who traveled all over Europe and it didn't mean squat to them. They just wanted to go to the bars every night and that was their fun. Nothing about a country's culture was was absorbed and they didn't want to know about the locals and how they lived and it did not change them like hermitosis said. But its all about what you interpret when you are traveling. I know that traveling definitely did change me. You may see things even the locals don't see because you come with a different perspective. Or you may be blind to what the locals see. I had culture shock when I came back to NYC. Its great here but there is so much more out there with respect to how to live your life. Just physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. At least that's what I felt in Istanbul. I'm not saying its better than NYC, just that there were some things more fulfilling. That's why I want to go somewhere else now. As much as I like NYC, I feel like its not filling a void emotionally. I feel like its easy to get 'sucked in' by NYC - the lights, camera, the action. I went to a comedy show with a friend recently and it was real funny but I didn't feel good inside - I felt disconnected from the crass, foul-mouthed content. It left me thinking, is that all? And to be honest, I find it hard to find classy, polite, humble women in NYC, even though they are attractive to me. Personally, my goal is to find the right person to love and marry and have kids. That's what motivates me. Not the job title, or being in NYC or anywhere else. If that's not in my cards, the next thing I'd rather do is build software that can help people. I don't know - cell phone software for people in Africa, working for the Bill Gates foundation, etc. ... I don't agree with some people that life is just about having 'fun'. There has to something more. Random thoughts are spewing out but you're welcome to msg me and chat some more.

I moved to San Francisco, got a fancy job, looked successful, went out to fancy bars. It was fun for a while. Eventually I decided it wasn't where I wanted to be, and I moved back to the place I grew up. I'm happier here. I can't tell you what you should do, but throwing yet more years of your life into a situation that isn't making you happy just hoping that it will magically change eventually is pretty much the worst application of the sunk cost fallacy. You only live once, stop wasting your years in a place you don't want to be.

I think asking this question will almost always backfire on the asker: of course people will tell you to go, do it, don't waste your life, and all other responses you see above. It's because an idea of going on exciting traveling trip with the funds to do so sounds so appealing to anyone who has to work for a living and has obligations. But if you sit these people down and ask them: "would you exchange your humdrum life with your kids and your spouse and your job for an exciting trip, but with a life where you are not connected to anyone else?" Then their answer might be quite different. You sound lonely and aimless. Putting yourself in a situation where everyone around is a stranger and the only aim is to take a train to a new place every three days will make you forget about feeling this way for awhile. But in the end, like hermitosis said, "there you are". If I were you, I would stop. I would turn towards people, and in small steps like social groups, therapy, volunteering, cooking dinners for friends would bring myself out of feeling "like I don't have a mission in life". In fact, my goal would be to get to the point where the thought of whether I do have "a mission in life" does not occur to me. Because my life is full and hectic enough without confusing thoughts. And THEN I would go and travel the world with a full happy heart, knowing that home is waiting for me. But I guess you would categorize this as "trite bullshit". So - your concerns (AIDS, robbery, etc.) are unlikely as long as you educate yourself about the country where you are. If you travel you will have an interesting time, and it will distract you from the emptiness. But it won't solve the underlying issue - you might not be more happy "where life is pleasant and costs are cheap, and you can finally work on some Internet business". Cheap living and internet business don't answer "why", unfortunately... I guess I'm saying "Go, but with your eyes open". Good luck.

Sure. Go on a vacation for a month or two to get some fresh perspective but don't bring the baggage of "finding yourself". 90% of travel involves dealing with very mundane inconveniences and if you're all by yourself, it's easy to feel depressed and F&FFH (fucked and far from home). ...2nd what hermitosis said.

I also say go for it. I live in a beautiful part of the world -- one of those places where its natural beauty is the first thing everyone comments on when they they hear you live. It is one of those places so beautiful you're not really allowed to not like living there. I have a good, well paid job that provides me with a whole lot of freedom, comes with relative esteem, and should provide good prospects for the future. Truth is, though, most of the time I'd rather be somewhere else. Either somewhere else specifically, or just anywhere else. So I say go -- especially if you've got enough that you can do it in some sort of style. Like you, I'm pondering how to find the thing I really want to do, rather than just having a job. I say you should go, in part because I'm hoping that when my turn comes, people will tell me the same thing. So go.

I don't think you should let the fears you listed hold you back from traveling around the world-- i.e. I could get kidnapped, catch AIDS, lose all my money to identity theft, or lose a limb. Those aren't likely. And traveling can be an amazing experience! But I also don't think you should expect a trip around the world to solve all of your problems. If it's something you're genuinely excited to do and you've always wanted to do, then do it! But if you're expecting it to be a magic solution, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment and/or a potentially stressful trip. A foreign culture is not necessarily the best place to work through life crisis issues-- in some cases it might be more isolating and stressful if you go when you're already in a bad place.

get moving. but go on an adventure; don't run away from yourself or your life. i would suggest talking to a therapist before you go ... a general "there's isn't anything wrong with SF that isn't wrong with you" kind of business. and you want to have as little baggage on your adventure as possible (emotionally and suitcase-ally). you don't want to get a month in and realize you're still depressed and completely cut off from anything/anyone you know. fwiw, the trite bullshit works and eventually you are going to have to sort yourself out.

It is vitally important that you go through with your plan to leave it all and travel, provided that you can logistically do it. You have defined it as an essential goal to having a happy life, and your internal narrative kind of defines what will make you happy. You have to understand, though, that it won't actually change anything. You will still be you, your home nation will still be just the same as when you left it. There will be no magical transformation from "sad you" to "happy you". What it will do, however, is provide three positive items to your life: One, quitting your job and leaving your home will break down all the things you have convinced yourself are "holding you back" or "trapping you". This is psychologically important because change cannot occur while you believe that external and uncontrollable factors are holding you in place. Two, it will provide a number of new experiences from which to draw when deciding what actually makes you happy (sitting at home and drinking doesn't exactly provide for discovering anything except pale skin and a beer gut). Three, it's simply something that you can feel good about for the rest of your life. Do it.